devastated

[blondie337]

i just need to get get it off my chest! well a few days ago a friend of mine commited suicide. he owned a pub just down from where i wrk, and on tues he hung him self out side the pub round the back because he was riddle with cancer and had heart diease, i didnt knw! he was there hanging when we arrived at work but i didnt see him im glade really. i just feel bad i knew somthing was wrong but i didnt do anything  i feel oful. i feel oful as well for his partner as u can imangine she is devastated. my uncle hung him self 5 years ago and i knw how it how it has an affect on ppl, im just worried tht she will do somthing silly if she cannot cope. sorry if this offends anyone!

[blondie337]

hi thanx for your comments has helped x

[Julie359]

Yes i am so sorry for ur loss...... maybe in his mind he felt that because he was wriddled with not just cancer but also heart disease he didn't want to die in pain and become dependant on others.  Maybe he felt that this was the best way to go in spite of it all, he oviously knew he was going to die so he took charge and said how and when.  

You couldn't of known his intentions, it's extremely hard to cope with knowing ur friend took his life but blaming urself isn't the way to go..... I know as this has happened to me also.  Be a shoulder to your friends g/f now and let ur experience with ur uncle guild you in helping her......

All the best now x

[HVAC]

I am sorry for your loss.

Alex

[whodunnit]

Hi,

What you are feeling is normal. We all feel shock and so sad when we hear of a suicide. It's something that really attacks the human psyche as we are so solidly built to survive, anything, phsyically built that is. And mentally. The will to survive, the survival instinct is so powerful that when we hear of someoine suiciding we can't really understand it.

Only the individual can. The problem is that many suicides are done in a moment of rashness, drunk or similar. Of course there's underlying reasons and cancer etc is certainly ine such group of reasons.

Focus on grievoing for the person and letting it go as that's what they would have wanted. It was done by someone who wanted to do it for a very specific health reason. Allow him the freedom to make that decision.

Your uncle? You don't say why and maybe there was no known reason. Again though, it's time to let go and not connect one with the other as there is no connection. There's no message for you or anyone in them.

Just know how much it hurts those who remain and use that for your own survival. When I wanted to go I decided I'd rather go through more hell than let my children feel the pain of a suicide. It's my problem, not theirs.

[mammo]

You have to realize that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this with your friend.  How could you have known? You can't change what happened, but having lost your uncle to suicide you can offer a lot of support to your friend's partner.  You can tell her that you understand what she is feeling, because you do!  You've been thru it.  Encourage her to seek professional help if you feel she isn't coping well.  But she needs to mourn her loss, so be there for her and tell her that her partner was very ill and would not want her to do anything drastic, that she can carry on his memory like nobody else.  Just be her friend, that's what she truly needs now.