Aa
getting worse, whats this new issue?
I'm on a student exchange, on the other side of the world to home. I'm 17, nearly 18 and have been struggling with depression for the past 2-3 years. Been on a few different meds, two different places for weekly talking therapy.
I feel like in the last two weeks i've become a lot worse. I think about, research and plan suicide multiple times everyday. It makes me feel better. I feel as if it could take one thing and i'd do it, but my meds are generally stopping dissociation so it's making me safer I guess?
Recently, for about the last week and a half to two weeks, i've been having real strange stuff happen when i try and sleep. I have really vivid, scary thoughts, and out of nowhere hear sounds like cars crashing, or in one scary instance my dad yelling at me : "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO FORGET" It normally startles me really bad and I freak out for a bit.
I feel like i'm going crazy, but it's only when i'm trying to sleep.
What should I be doing? What do you think is going on? Why am I so TERRIFIED of going back to a psych because I feel as though, if I am honest, I will be committed, and that scares me soo bad.
I'm at risk, but I can't let someone take my options away.
I feel like in the last two weeks i've become a lot worse. I think about, research and plan suicide multiple times everyday. It makes me feel better. I feel as if it could take one thing and i'd do it, but my meds are generally stopping dissociation so it's making me safer I guess?
Recently, for about the last week and a half to two weeks, i've been having real strange stuff happen when i try and sleep. I have really vivid, scary thoughts, and out of nowhere hear sounds like cars crashing, or in one scary instance my dad yelling at me : "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO FORGET" It normally startles me really bad and I freak out for a bit.
I feel like i'm going crazy, but it's only when i'm trying to sleep.
What should I be doing? What do you think is going on? Why am I so TERRIFIED of going back to a psych because I feel as though, if I am honest, I will be committed, and that scares me soo bad.
I'm at risk, but I can't let someone take my options away.
Thanks for your comment. I'm sure you and others would have said something similar if not more encouraging had I not beaten you too it.
You're welcome.
I would encourage you to continue with psychotherapy when you return.
It's OK to discuss being scared in therapy too. That can provide a lot of material for your therapist to work with. It is valuable to take both good and bad stuff to therapy.
I think that it is good to listen to yourself and your needs.
You speak of a language barrier, now I am wondering if the extra stress of that is what is contributing to the anxiety/ over-load.
I can imagine. Some sleeping pills, I have found, make things worse.
I can ruminate on stuff before going to sleep and have often had nightmares. Some is pretty graphic with people being killed, etc. It can be pretty frightening.
My guess is that maybe you're busy or occupied during the day and only really start to relax later in the evening. Or perhaps you are alone in the evening giving you time alone to think. I think that it is probably part of a winding down process.
Dreams, etc can tell us stuff too so looking at the content could be helpful.
What do you mean by barring you doing anything there? That sounds pretty ominous.
If things are that bad then you need to get help urgently.
My cousin was in Canada and hung himself just before Christmas last year.
If you are worried or have any concerns about your health and safety then you need to get them checked out. Suicide is not something to take lightly, especially not when you're a whole world away from friends and family and a support network.
Being back home in two weeks will be something to look forward too.
I have my own issues but I see my doctor next week.
I hope you're able to get through the next two weeks. Is there stuff you can do there during that time to distract you? Are you able to take advantage of being in another country and see some of the sights? Do stuff that you will be glad to have done when you get home. The time should go fairly quickly for you. Take each day at a time if you need too. You can do this.
Don't forget to utilize all the internet support either. You can also chat here if you find that helps.
Take care. Enjoy and good luck. And chat soon.
I would encourage you to continue with psychotherapy when you return.
It's OK to discuss being scared in therapy too. That can provide a lot of material for your therapist to work with. It is valuable to take both good and bad stuff to therapy.
I think that it is good to listen to yourself and your needs.
You speak of a language barrier, now I am wondering if the extra stress of that is what is contributing to the anxiety/ over-load.
I can imagine. Some sleeping pills, I have found, make things worse.
I can ruminate on stuff before going to sleep and have often had nightmares. Some is pretty graphic with people being killed, etc. It can be pretty frightening.
My guess is that maybe you're busy or occupied during the day and only really start to relax later in the evening. Or perhaps you are alone in the evening giving you time alone to think. I think that it is probably part of a winding down process.
Dreams, etc can tell us stuff too so looking at the content could be helpful.
What do you mean by barring you doing anything there? That sounds pretty ominous.
If things are that bad then you need to get help urgently.
My cousin was in Canada and hung himself just before Christmas last year.
If you are worried or have any concerns about your health and safety then you need to get them checked out. Suicide is not something to take lightly, especially not when you're a whole world away from friends and family and a support network.
Being back home in two weeks will be something to look forward too.
I have my own issues but I see my doctor next week.
I hope you're able to get through the next two weeks. Is there stuff you can do there during that time to distract you? Are you able to take advantage of being in another country and see some of the sights? Do stuff that you will be glad to have done when you get home. The time should go fairly quickly for you. Take each day at a time if you need too. You can do this.
Don't forget to utilize all the internet support either. You can also chat here if you find that helps.
Take care. Enjoy and good luck. And chat soon.
Thanks for taking the time to provide such a thoughtful response.
Yeah I'm still in psychotherapy, just not sure whether I will go when I get back. I think I will, just scared.
I love how you said that sometimes one has to give up control to feel in control. I've felt that way for the past couple of days, and I figure I will.
Yeah winter and language barrier might not be helping.
At the moment I would say I'm reliant on sleeping pills. Its really unsettling when that stuff happens at night.
Have you had any of that before? Any speculation as to why it only happens when I try and sleep?
Barring me doing anything here, I'll be back in melbourne in 2 weeks.
I sincerely hope all is well on your end.
Yeah I'm still in psychotherapy, just not sure whether I will go when I get back. I think I will, just scared.
I love how you said that sometimes one has to give up control to feel in control. I've felt that way for the past couple of days, and I figure I will.
Yeah winter and language barrier might not be helping.
At the moment I would say I'm reliant on sleeping pills. Its really unsettling when that stuff happens at night.
Have you had any of that before? Any speculation as to why it only happens when I try and sleep?
Barring me doing anything here, I'll be back in melbourne in 2 weeks.
I sincerely hope all is well on your end.
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I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and that no one has taken the time to respond to your post.
I think that when one becomes severely depressed or unwell one can become obsessed with suicide, etc. Perhaps it is reassuring to us that we have options and I think that the researching can distract us from our pain.
I understand how that feels just to have one thing trigger you to the point where you snap or feel you could. The one thing that breaks the camels back or that is the final straw.
If the meds are helping then that is good.
I would almost be inclined to think that the sleep stuff is due to anxiety. Perhaps meaning that because there is so much subconscious material, or material that you're not processing, it comes out in this way.
You should be discussing how you feel with your doctor.
I think it could be due to anxiety but there could be other reasons. It almost sounds as though the anxiety is from another disorder. ?PTSD.
You are scared because you feel as though they will take away your sense of control. I think it is also a fear of the unknown.
If you are honest with your doctor though it is much less likely that they will feel compelled to force you to go to hospital, etc. It is much better to work with your doctor.
Sometimes you have to give up control to feel in control.
Acknowledging that your risk has increased should be warning enough for you to talk to someone and to get on top of it early. Suicide is not the answer.
I was wondering if these issues may be because you are away from home, or away from home at this time??
The other side of the world from Oz? Sounds like some place cold and dark. Could this be affecting your mood? A lot of people often feel worse in winter.
My sister lives in Vic and she was saying it was 35 + oC in the kitchen at 6 pm.
I live in NZ.
Talk to your doctor and see how this can be better managed and treated.
Are you still in psychotherapy?
It's easy to over-look posts. It's not personal. It's also not attention seeking either to ask a question or ask for support.