i dont know what to do. im afraid of myself and i hate myself at the same time. i cant take it anymore. i do stupid things to myself.
i cant remember the last time i was happy or even just normal. i dont think i have any emotions in me, its like im not myself, im a nothing. and i dont know how to get rid of this feeling!
im 20 years old, and i havent cut myself or even thought of suicide for over two years, but now, i dont even know why, its all coming back and im going back to who i used to be when i was 15. maybe i shouldnt fight it. this is who im meant to be. i think ill never be able to go back to the time before i first became depressed. ive gained 17 kilos and it just keeps going up, i get crappy sleep. i have no one in the whole world to talk to.
thats just who i am i guess.