hi people im back.

[mandy876]

i have been having a headache that is nearly all the time.  casnt find a medication.  i cant take aspirin.  the doctor put me on hydrocodon acetaminopgh 7.5-500.  does not help my head but helps my baack and stomach cramps.  any body know any thing that could couse me these neadaches.  they make me kind of sick sometimes and i sleep a lot.  hope you guys are getting along ok.  i have missed talking to you.  you make me feel a lot better.  gloria789

[sara12345]

P.S.  Speaking of pride, yesterday I had a long walk to get to my appointment at the hospital.  I can't physically exert much or my 24/7 migraines, caused by my stroke, get very bad.  I had someone wheelchair me back to the Valet at the hospital rather than walk back.  Think about yourself instead of what you look like.

[sara12345]

Gloria,
I would swallow your pride and get a cane or even a walker.  My uncle who I could not convince to use one had a terrible fall which nearly killed him because he hit his head and had blood on his brain.  He has been in intensive rehab for the past 6 weeks for speech, PT and occupational therapy.  It's not worth it for you to be so vain as to not use one.

Yes, I am also at a low BMI and have lost 10 lbs in the last several months.  Not good according to my doctor also.  I just don't like food since my stroke.  I used to be overweight quite a bit.

I am glad that your doctor raised your Effexor which could raise your mood significantly and increase your weight.  It is not at all healthy to have a low body weight.  

I would get help and go to your nephew's birthday next week.  But get help to go and rest while you are there if you get tired at all.  You need to let the family know that your doctor is very concerned about you.

You will get better.  Keep the faith.  And I do send you all my support.

Sara

[mandy876]

hi i went to the doctor yesterday.  i had lost more weight.  he did not like that.  i forgot to take my morning pills and i was shaking i was so nervous.  i must have looked funny he got his nurse to come in,  he was listening to my breathing.  i told him i was dizzy.  they made me lay down.  i started to cry.  i got better.  he doubled my effexor.  and said i might need to get a cane.  i dont think i will like that.  he says my bones are brittle because of osteoporosis.  and could break easily. i dont know 3hat to do. he wanted to watch me for the next 2 weeks for me to rest.  my nephews birthday is next week and she wants me to go anyway.  i love him but i dont know.

[nursegirl6572]

That's strange, gloria.  Please PM the mod again.  They will look into it.

I got your friend request and accepted, so you figured that out, yay!

Please feel free to ask any site related questions!

[mandy876]

the mderator said everything waqs fizxed but it still shows it is blocked.  i thought i had unbblocked it all but missed one of yours and the moderator.  she unblocked them abd it still does not work.

[sara12345]

Gloria,

Not sure you are getting my private messages to you.

Tell your doctor tomorrow that you are still suffering from depression and need more help with it.  You should inquire about seeing a psychiatrist who is better able to give medications to treat depression.  Wish you all the best with your appointment.

Sara

[4Maddie44]

Let me know how you get on at the doctors

[mandy876]

thank you i will  enjoy talking to you   gloria789

[4Maddie44]

Hi, I have asked moderator, as you have too, to help me unblock messages sent to me.  I was unaware I had blocked anything.  So sorry about that.  I have sent you a note.

[sara12345]

It does sound like your niece did help you a great deal at a time when you really needed it.  I'm not sure what it means that she took control, but would be interested, only if you feel that you can share that.  Feel free to write to me privately with anything that you want to.  If you're just around people, you will make friends.  Even though your neighbors need help themselves doesn't mean that you need to help them, unless you feel that you cannot keep "boundaries" with not helping them.  You could still have coffee with them.  You really need to get out of your house, or invite others to come to your house.  It's imperative that you aren't totally dependent on another family--your niece's.  But I think there is some good in that relationship at the same time.

If you are depressed, then you need to get treatment for that, because depression makes everything extremely difficult.  I really hope that you will.

Wishing you all the best, dear one.
Sara

[mandy876]

yes my niece i call my daughter.  her mom doe not want her.  and her daughter.  was told she ism notm allowed at theirm house.  theyn dont like the wayn she dresses and she would not keep a job to help out.  her grandad told her off and said some things he should not have said.  that is his granddaughter. it is a long story.  anyway they live3d with me so i couldnt be included in my sisters plans because they were with me.  my niece came in when my mom died i did not want to live.  i was not eating taking care of myself or anything.  she made me go to the doctor and the doctor was surprised how bad i looked.  she drug me to the beauty shop got our hair fixed and went out to eat i was not going but she made me.  i think that is where she took control.  i did not want to go on without my daddy my husband and my mom. my sis never cared about me there was 6 years difference in our age i was always a little brat.  i was real shy an timid. my neighbors have either died or need help themselves or renters and dont stay around very long.  most of my best friends have died.  i feel really alone i dont make friends very easily.   gloria789

[sara12345]

I hadn't put it together that your daughter and granddaughter were the same as your niece and grandniece.  Am I correct on that?  

It sounds like you would be best to try to meet new friends.  Just don't give them anything substantial materially so that you know that they are your true friend and not someone using you.

Use your money to pay for cab rides to get to senior citizen social events, or volunteering can be a way to meet people.  Or try to approach any neighbors to come over for coffee.  Some one else may have some good ideas for how you can meet new people.  There are a lot of lonely people out there who would love to be your friend.

I didn't follow why you would say that you are a bad person.  Could you go into that more so that we can address it for you, because you are definately a good person.

Also, not sure what you meant by, "scared my doc.  and basically she saved my life.  but there were a lot of strings attached i found out later after my meds kicked in."  Who had the strings attached--your doctor or your niece?  And what were the strings?  This might be something else that we can help you with.

You definately are a good person who has a past of having a husband and great friends to travel with.  To get along well with people traveling is a true test of friendship.  Would like for you to have more great experiences with new friends.  You deserve it.

Thanks for sharing so much with us.  We all care very much about you.

Sara

[nursegirl6572]

I'm so sorry you have had so much loss, that's sad.

I'm SO glad that you recognize that you have to start standing up for yourself.  Good for you!  NO ONE should be treating you poorly!  

I honestly think, that because you feel so alone all the time, you allow your family members to treat you poorly, in exchange for their love and companionship.  They should love you and spend time with you no matter WHAT you do for them, financially.

[mandy876]

i do love her.  and i dont have anyone else.  my very best friend and her husband died shortly after my husband.  we used to do everything together.  we all liked camping and the coast.  we  had a lot of fun.  no one critisized anyone.  we just relaxed and had fun.  wish it could be like.  i feel like im walking on egg shells.  one little word or slip and im in trouble.  i feel like her little girl.  listening to my self i do need to stand up for myself.  this is wrong.  i cant live like this.  thank you.  gloria789

[nursegirl6572]

You're not a bad person, Gloria, you just want to be loved.  There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with you being close to your niece and her children, as long as you aren't being used, and as long as there aren't "conditions" for their love (meaning if you don't buy them things, they don't treat you the same).

I agree that if you start standing up for yourself, you'll get more of the respect you deserve.

[mandy876]

thank you i called my nieces sister and told them i would be with them christmas.  they said they would come and get me.  she has 4 kids grown asnd 4 grand kids and they nall yelled yeah.  no one ek]lse knows that yet. i dont have a car and if i buy a used car i might buy a bunch of junk.  i have no one to go with me that knows about cars.  i need to tell you something i storied in a way.  my niece has always said she wishes im was her mom.  i call her my daughter and and her daughter is my great niece and her son is my great great nephew.  he thinks i am his grandma too.  his real grandmother does not want him they have seen him 1 time in 5 years.  they moved in before he was born.  he will be 6 this month so they have been here 6 years.  does that make me bad.  i mcould not have children.  and i so wanted a grandchild.  is this wrong?  i bought them both a car young one a kis ria and her mom a mitsubitchie truck and i pay their insurance.  i am stupid.  i thought i had no one else i had just lost my mom and weighted 84 pds.  scared my doc.  and basically she saved my life.  but there were a lot of strings attached i found out later after my meds kicked in.  maybe i am a bad person.  i love you  guys im sorry.  gloria789

[nursegirl6572]

Click on your inbox (top right of screen, under the "search medhelp" box).

When your PM list comes up, you will see three choices on the top of the list, the middle one will say "sent".  Click on that, and see if your PM to maddie is there.  If it is, click on the title of the PM, that will open it.  You will them see an "X" to the right of it, click on that to delete it.  It will confirm the deletion by saying something like "are you sure you want to delete this message?", you click on "yes".

Are you concerned about someone accessing your acct?  Do you know how to change your password?  If not, I'll explain it to you.

[4Maddie44]

Hello, I haven't received a note or a private message from you, and have not blocked anything.  Don't worry about it.  Perhaps it never got sent.

[mandy876]

they said my letter was blocked.  i need to delete it

[mandy876]

i wrote you a note they said it was blocked. i wish i knew where the letter went i need to delete it.

[4Maddie44]

Hi I have sent you a private message, and perhaps you would prefer to correspond that way.  I am worried about you.  

[sara12345]

Nursegirl gave you excellent advice. It will be tough to stand up for yourself, but very important.  I think that your family will end up respecting you and treating you much better once they get adjusted to the new you.  And you will find much better people in your life, who may have children as well for you to love. Your life will get much better.  With the kind of family that you have, anyone would be depressed.  Do take care and sleep well knowing that it was nothing that you did that caused your family to act so badly toward you.  I send you much love and support.
Sara

[nursegirl6572]

You brought what on yourself?  It's not your fault that your family members act like class A jerks.  The only thing you can control is how you react to their behavior.  Don't give them that kind of power where you're making yourself sick about the way they are acting.  You need to shut them down instead of letting them talk to you like that.  You don't have to be mean, you don't have to yell, just calmly inform them when they tell you what you "should" be doing that you would appreciate them NOT telling you what you should and should not do, that it is none of their business, and then walk away.

Think about it, a lot of times you can barely afford your meds, or food, yet you are generous enough to think of others and buy something for someone else.  They turn that around, and make it into you not doing ENOUGH, that EVERYONE should get a gift.  REALLY???  Have they helped you when you couldn't afford your medications?  When you were hungry?  I bet NOT.  How DARE they pick apart a generous gesture of yours that had NOTHING to do with them.  Sorry to say, but these are the same kimd of people who would destroy a loved one's memory fighting over money.  INEXCUSEABLE.

I imagine this has been going on for a long time, so they won't know how to handle you sticking up for yourself.  Most likely, they will act as though you're being mean, or they will play the "victim".  Again, don't listen to the nonsense, just walk away.

You've said time and again how little they do to help you with anything (getting around, getting your medications, financially, etc), therefore I think it takes INCREDIBLE nerve for them to act as though you have some obligation to be showering them with gifts.

I'm sure it is not easy for you to stand up for yourself, gloria, especially when they use your grandchildren as pawns in their game.  Don't let them.  Enough is enough.  You have your niece, she doesn't sound like she treats you that way.  It may not be PERFECT, but relationships seldom are.  Surround yourself with people who appreciate you, not people who make demands and try to exploit you by hitting you where it hurts.  By that I mean, taking advantage of your vulnerable emotional position, and the desire to see the little kids.  Again, shame on them.  

Honest to GOD...I KNOW you're lonely, but if it were ME, I'd rather be alone, than treated like that.  Time for you to start getting out, finding new friends, meeting people who will build you UP, not tear you down.  Sure, it will take some work on your part, but it will be SO worth it.  You've isolated yourself to the point where you have no allies (except your niece)...no one to turn to when this kind of thing happens.  YOU can change all that, gloria, and nothing would make me happier than to hear that you're trying to do that.

Much love to you....don't let them make you feel badly...put on a movie or show you enjoy, or curl up with a book, take some "me" time.  You have nothing to feel badly about.  Not ONE thing.  You're not sleeping, and you are feeling physically ILL over other people's horrid behavior.  YOU have the power not to allow that to happen.

[mandy876]

thank you.  i thought i was going crazy. i have made myself sick.  i just took a pain pill and a nerve pill.  i have not slept in 2 nights and days.  i am feeling sleepy.  hope i can go to sleep.  shen has fgone to work.  she said i brought it all on my self.  i guess i did.  i need to learn to keep my mouth shut.  you said it like it is.  thank you.  gloria789