I am going to send you a message. Glad to see you again, hope you feel better.
I think we all can agree with what ur saying here. Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing time and nothing really has meaning, I look back and the times Ive cried have been more than Ive smiled. You are strong dont forget that and I know most depressed people view themselvesas weak but we are strong enough to deal with the mood swings that control our lives and we still fight to seek happiness. I hope u r seeing ur counsellor because talking about it helps it really does. Also u can try writing ur feelings and plz cry if u have to. As the time goes by u will find that though u r not cured u can at least cope with the sadness when it comes by finding HEALTHY outlets for pain. Do u have friends and family u can speak to?
I look forward to getting updates from u.
If you haven't already, you need to seek professional help (Psychiatrist, preferably) and get on medication that will treat your illness and make your mood swings less severe and bring you closer to 'normal'. Depression is always more severe for those who experience mania. Thats why you need to get these swings under control.
There are very effective treatments for bipolar illness, but you HAVE to stick with them, like it or not. You can conquer this and make up your mind to do so. It's very treatable and things can and will get better. Best of luck to you.