Aa
i just want to die
Life is getting to be too much to bare. Everything is going wrong. How do you continue when every morning Im upset because I'm still alive. Really suicide is sounding better & better. I cant go on much longer.
Thank God!!!! You really made the right choice - you ARE stronger than your disease!! Please anytime you need to talk, feel free to send me a message, just don't give up on yourself, please! Good luck to you, and I am glad that you are strong enough to fight through another day - stay safe.
Hello, I agree with toby - I couldn't sleep either, and I having been waiting all day to log on and see a response from you. Please, drop a line to let everyone know you are ok. We are all very worried about you. You were reaching out, and you have touched all of us, so please understand you are not alone, we all care, and just want to know you are ok. Hope to hear from you soon.
Please let all of us know that you're not going to let the darker side of us get the better of you. I couldn't sleep very well last night. Kept coming back to my office room through the night looking for a response from you.
Please promise all of us who are hurting with you that you will not act upon your thoughts.
Aussie's sentiments were spot on, and thanks to your post you have brought us all together. But you must let us know that you're okay and you promise - no matter what - that you will not kill yourself - not today, not tomorrow, not ever!
We're all hurting - but in some small way this too shall pass. We have to hang in there...
I too have lost my sense of purpose, my sense of self and any passion for life, but I'm promising you and all who're reading your original post that I will not take my life or do something self destructive.
Toby
Please promise all of us who are hurting with you that you will not act upon your thoughts.
Aussie's sentiments were spot on, and thanks to your post you have brought us all together. But you must let us know that you're okay and you promise - no matter what - that you will not kill yourself - not today, not tomorrow, not ever!
We're all hurting - but in some small way this too shall pass. We have to hang in there...
I too have lost my sense of purpose, my sense of self and any passion for life, but I'm promising you and all who're reading your original post that I will not take my life or do something self destructive.
Toby
Hello, I couldn't help but get a little emotional when I read your post. I truly do hope that you can hang in there, and believe in yourself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Here is one little piece of therapy I picked up over the years - write. And not about the bad stuff either - sometimes reading it just makes it concrete, it makes the hurt seem even more valid, and can even justify your reasoning for wanting to die. Writing the hurt down does not work for everybody - if it did, people wouldn't kill themselves after they wrote suicide notes, would they?
But writing does help, it is theraputic - it's just a matter of finding what kind of writing is right for you. For me I challanged myself every night before I went to bed to think of 3 good things that happened that day (and I couldn't repeat any of the "good things" for at least a week - because at first I noticed I was writing pretty much the same stuff day after day!). So I would try to think of something different every time. Sometimes I would really have to stretch, I would write things like: I still have the ability to walk, I didn't lose a loved one, I still have a home, etc., But most of the time I really could write 3 good things that actually happened like: an old friend called, my husband was extra snuggly today, my son picked me flowers, my boss complimented my work, etc. I found that when I forced myself to notice something good actually did happen to me - it made it a little easier to deal with the hurt. And on days when I just felt like I really couldn't think of anything good to write, and I was feeling so desparate for love or happiness, I could pick up my journal and read it - and remind myself that I am loved and I am good.
Please try this, I know it sounds corny, but it really might work for you. If it doesn't, find a style of writing that does help you, write comics, science fiction, love stories, murder mysteries...Anything, just to keep your mind active, but in a good way. When our minds start to wonder freely and we are not in control of our thoughts, our depression gains control - please don't let your disease control you.
And remember, you are loved!!! Just look at how many responses you got from people you never even met - you must be special! I love you sweety, please take care.
Here is one little piece of therapy I picked up over the years - write. And not about the bad stuff either - sometimes reading it just makes it concrete, it makes the hurt seem even more valid, and can even justify your reasoning for wanting to die. Writing the hurt down does not work for everybody - if it did, people wouldn't kill themselves after they wrote suicide notes, would they?
But writing does help, it is theraputic - it's just a matter of finding what kind of writing is right for you. For me I challanged myself every night before I went to bed to think of 3 good things that happened that day (and I couldn't repeat any of the "good things" for at least a week - because at first I noticed I was writing pretty much the same stuff day after day!). So I would try to think of something different every time. Sometimes I would really have to stretch, I would write things like: I still have the ability to walk, I didn't lose a loved one, I still have a home, etc., But most of the time I really could write 3 good things that actually happened like: an old friend called, my husband was extra snuggly today, my son picked me flowers, my boss complimented my work, etc. I found that when I forced myself to notice something good actually did happen to me - it made it a little easier to deal with the hurt. And on days when I just felt like I really couldn't think of anything good to write, and I was feeling so desparate for love or happiness, I could pick up my journal and read it - and remind myself that I am loved and I am good.
Please try this, I know it sounds corny, but it really might work for you. If it doesn't, find a style of writing that does help you, write comics, science fiction, love stories, murder mysteries...Anything, just to keep your mind active, but in a good way. When our minds start to wonder freely and we are not in control of our thoughts, our depression gains control - please don't let your disease control you.
And remember, you are loved!!! Just look at how many responses you got from people you never even met - you must be special! I love you sweety, please take care.
Getting a divorced to my husband, I cant take it! I'm always sad, depressed, cant eat, Ive lost 20 pounds. I dont want the divorce, but he does, I think. I've told him to stop it and I will help pay for it. I love this guy deeply.
He is the one that servedd me because I cheated on him. and I dont know what to do. I kiss him, hug him tell him everyday that I love him. and he says i know.
I send him messages that Im sorry, he tells me to relax. and just to find yourself first, and be happy. what does that supose to mean. I'll be happy if we are back together and the divorced is stopped. then I can concentrate again. I so want to give up. I'm lost without him. he's my soul, my heart. my love.
I thinnk of him everyday. I dont know what to do..
He is the one that servedd me because I cheated on him. and I dont know what to do. I kiss him, hug him tell him everyday that I love him. and he says i know.
I send him messages that Im sorry, he tells me to relax. and just to find yourself first, and be happy. what does that supose to mean. I'll be happy if we are back together and the divorced is stopped. then I can concentrate again. I so want to give up. I'm lost without him. he's my soul, my heart. my love.
I thinnk of him everyday. I dont know what to do..
I feel as u do.. can't let the people down that depend upon me... But when the hell are we allowed to think about ourselves... talk 2 me pls
Just really overloaded right now. I can't act on it because too many people depend on me, I always sick & cant remember the last time I had fun. Thanks to everyone who wrote. Life sure *****!
I wrote a post about 3 weeks ago on the forum. Just want to let you know you're not alone...I'm in the same boat. Like you, I'm expressing my pain, my sadness, my disappointments and my utter and complete fatigue with life. And yes, that includes thoughts of suicide....but please don't act upon it!!!
Make a promise to yourself and to all of us on this post that you will not do it....talk about it and cry about it but don't act upon it. Why? I don't know. But there is a part of us, even in our darkest, blackest moments that wants things to get better, and hopes things will get better. It is the voice of the innocent child within us...that part of us that remains untouched by the siht that life throws at us.
I've had brain tumors (15 years ago), a seizure disorder that is ready to bite me at any time and just suffered 3 heart attacks in one night 7 mts ago...and I am at my wits end. I cry myself to sleep every night...a 45 year old man who sobs himself to sleep, and I too wake up feeling disappointed that I woke up. And then the tears flow down my face all over again. I did not know I had such a capacity for tears...and when does the sorrow end. Why is it here in the first place? Why me? I have no ill will towards anyone, I am a decent human being. Why fukcing me? I don't know the answers to all these questions.
I just know that I like many others who are here with you, shed the same tears, feel the same despair and crave for a similar escape. But don't act upon the urge to escape. I don't know much in the way of wisdom, or how to create a sense of purpose again, but I do know this - we each have a soft and caring and gentle person within us...and that person needs to be protected, and guarded and nourished. Even as the person outside is falling apart, it still must protect this other person. I don't know if I make sense anymore, but I dearly hope and pray for your pain to subside - for but a few hours so you can have a dreamless night of restful sleep.
Here is my earlier post:
Feeling very sad and at the end of my rope
by toby45, Jul 19, 2008 10:09PM
I had a heart attack over 6 mts ago and the recovery has been very mixed. Today, I feel very tired and very sad. No one seems to understand how fragile I feel. My spouse has not worked in 9 mts and has expressed feeling burdened by my health issues and wants to "run away"!
Everyone expects me to move forward and move on. I put on a good front, but at home at night I cannot live this life anymore. Where do I run, whom do I run to and how do I run away from my health issues.
Everyone seems to think I'm okay now - they are tired of hearing of my fatigue or my pains or my worries...
I go to bed every night hoping this all comes to an end - the joy of life feels like its been squeezed out this time. I have no more to give of myself to others and I don't want anything from life or from anyone anymore. I share this simply to share - I'm not sure I even care to get better.
Wish I could just close my eyes tonight and not wake up tomorrow. Were I only so lucky...
Make a promise to yourself and to all of us on this post that you will not do it....talk about it and cry about it but don't act upon it. Why? I don't know. But there is a part of us, even in our darkest, blackest moments that wants things to get better, and hopes things will get better. It is the voice of the innocent child within us...that part of us that remains untouched by the siht that life throws at us.
I've had brain tumors (15 years ago), a seizure disorder that is ready to bite me at any time and just suffered 3 heart attacks in one night 7 mts ago...and I am at my wits end. I cry myself to sleep every night...a 45 year old man who sobs himself to sleep, and I too wake up feeling disappointed that I woke up. And then the tears flow down my face all over again. I did not know I had such a capacity for tears...and when does the sorrow end. Why is it here in the first place? Why me? I have no ill will towards anyone, I am a decent human being. Why fukcing me? I don't know the answers to all these questions.
I just know that I like many others who are here with you, shed the same tears, feel the same despair and crave for a similar escape. But don't act upon the urge to escape. I don't know much in the way of wisdom, or how to create a sense of purpose again, but I do know this - we each have a soft and caring and gentle person within us...and that person needs to be protected, and guarded and nourished. Even as the person outside is falling apart, it still must protect this other person. I don't know if I make sense anymore, but I dearly hope and pray for your pain to subside - for but a few hours so you can have a dreamless night of restful sleep.
Here is my earlier post:
Feeling very sad and at the end of my rope
by toby45, Jul 19, 2008 10:09PM
I had a heart attack over 6 mts ago and the recovery has been very mixed. Today, I feel very tired and very sad. No one seems to understand how fragile I feel. My spouse has not worked in 9 mts and has expressed feeling burdened by my health issues and wants to "run away"!
Everyone expects me to move forward and move on. I put on a good front, but at home at night I cannot live this life anymore. Where do I run, whom do I run to and how do I run away from my health issues.
Everyone seems to think I'm okay now - they are tired of hearing of my fatigue or my pains or my worries...
I go to bed every night hoping this all comes to an end - the joy of life feels like its been squeezed out this time. I have no more to give of myself to others and I don't want anything from life or from anyone anymore. I share this simply to share - I'm not sure I even care to get better.
Wish I could just close my eyes tonight and not wake up tomorrow. Were I only so lucky...
Me too. I'll hang in here for tonight if you will. I am going to call for help for myself right now. Please do the same. I'll check in on you in the morning. I'm PST.
hugs,
Blather
hugs,
Blather
No, you don't want to die, really, or you would have just committed suicide, instead you came here for help and we are here to help you. Please know that you are not the only one who feels this way at times, but with the help of one another, we can manage to get through it and back to the better times.
I pray that you will find the peace that you require, the joys that will follow and the strength to realize that you can't go it alone.
I'm there for you if need me, anytime.
Hugs & Prayers
I pray that you will find the peace that you require, the joys that will follow and the strength to realize that you can't go it alone.
I'm there for you if need me, anytime.
Hugs & Prayers
I just read your I just want to die, Sweetie, I was in that same dark place last month, but I had to people in the website along with my husband that helped me through it. I know you are probably in alot of pain but you are not alone, we are all in some kind of pain here, and there is a lot of support. I wonder sometimes why should I get up, but I do it because I know I have to my family loves me. I know suicide sounds good but it hurts everyone that loves you. I still have my rough days, it isn't easy, but I would like to help you through this. Please let help, if you just need to vent or talk whatever. Don't do this, I don't know you but I care, I understand maybe we can help each other. Please let me know you are alright.
Sandy, my name is Jeff. I went throught the same thing. I curse the day when I wake up. I feel pain and illness every second of my life. I find it hard to meet people or just don't want to.
Writing has helped me. Poetry. Darn near a suicide letter but still just poetry. Things stayed really bad for me but looking back I see a big change, still in pain but I am so happy I didn't go through with it. We all will think this way but it is up to our personal strength to stay here and deal with our problems. I was strongest when I felt the weakest.
You must talk to someone. I would just love to meet you so call me anytime. We can compare our problems and ***** about life, ok.
So call, Jeff
Writing has helped me. Poetry. Darn near a suicide letter but still just poetry. Things stayed really bad for me but looking back I see a big change, still in pain but I am so happy I didn't go through with it. We all will think this way but it is up to our personal strength to stay here and deal with our problems. I was strongest when I felt the weakest.
You must talk to someone. I would just love to meet you so call me anytime. We can compare our problems and ***** about life, ok.
So call, Jeff
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