i really dont know what to do

[mekim2005]

my husand is now haveing thought of leaving me after a year of being back . i really do think he will . he says he needs to do what is best for his kids . which i do beleive is true . but what is best? his 8 month sons mom will not let him have him to vist if i am around ? so that is why he is thinking on leaving again . i feel like dieing

[Jaquta]

Whatever happens, don't forget the therapy, it could be helpful.

Good luck!

[mekim2005]

he left last nite. his son was sick and he wanted to be with him to hold him and think things through. i know in my heart it is over . if thinks if he wants to be with me he will be back and we will do therpy . he says he does not want to hurt me but he knows he is .  i hope i have the strenth to say no . i think i will be talking to my lawyer to see were i go from here

[Jaquta]

I don't know what to advise.  I think that there is a relationship forum that may be able to offer other suggestions.  I honestly don't know what you should do.  I do think that his behavior is unacceptable though.

[mekim2005]

i not not think he has realize that he is excluding me or rejecting me . i feel at way . i dont know if he could hurt me anymore . he has not left and i already feel he has . i dont feel it is a good idea he leaves. i feel if he leaves it is over . i lose . i am will to fight for what is right .  if i tell him how i feel he will take it as i am being selfish and just thing of one person myself

[Jaquta]

Does he even realize that he is excluding or rejecting you and also your support?
Can he hurt you anymore?  If he needs space he should have it but I personally don't think he should be staying at her place.  It would be good for him to see his son but I think that he needs to work out his priorities.  Giving him permission to do that would be allowing him to ... it almost seems insulting.  It would show him that you are a push over.  I don't think it is about you showing him how much you trust him.

You need to talk to him about how you feel.

[mekim2005]

i would really love to do therapy with him but he firures he can do this by hiself . i will need it after this or maybe alway did . every day i trust him more but he does not see this. he is thinking about moving in which the woman he had the affair with and sleeping on the floor. because they are only friends so he can work things out in his head . which he would get to see his son everyday . and this would show he i trust him. he says. when the affair started there was alot of stress between his oldest daughter and i complaining to him about each other . i did not know we had a proublem at all. i have not pressured him at all about anything . even though he can not keep me hanging like this . trusting him well like i said i started to trust him more everyday but he did not see that at all . all i can say is that i really love him and i do not want to let him go . so right now my heart is acking .

[Misssy2]

I'm sorry for you, but it sounds like he has already checked out of his relationship with you.  By him telling you all the questions that are going around in his head...and by excluding you from the holiday....he is showing you that you are already out of the picture in his mind, until he makes up his mind.  And I HOPE that you will become strong thru this and realize that someone that will treat you like this (shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with you if he was not sure if he was over his X)...so now he is pushing you aside, or expecting you to be patient while he makes up his mind and treats you like crap.  I'm sorry that you are hurting...but you need to take care of yourself and find someone who values you and does not put you LAST.  It sounds like he got married too fast...and now because you are hurt by his turning away from you...he is making it seem like you are over reacting. Your world is being turned upside down and you are being made to feel insignificant....you are not crazy....he is a jerk...I'm sorry, but he should be working out the details with you...being straightforward with you...instead of being wishy washy and leaving you behind on the important holidays.  Please get strong and get out.  Should he be single?  NO, he won't be, he will run back to his X.  BUT, you should definetly be single and you will find someone who treats you as you SHOULD be treated - AS #1

[Jaquta]

Maybe you could each try therapy (maybe both individual and couples counselling).  ??

I expect he has hurt you and betrayed your trust and that is why it is difficult for you to trust fully at this time.  This is perfectly understandable.

From his perspective maybe a little understandable too.  Something caused him to have a relationship with another woman.  Were there issues in your relationship?
It doesn't sound as though you're pressuring him to make a snap decision (although I sense you would like one).
Another question is, can you live without trusting him to that degree?

I honestly think that some counselling would be helpful to you both.  Have you considered this before and discussed the possibility with your husband?

[mekim2005]

thank you , he is have trouble trying to firure out what he want. he is trying to firuge out why he had the affair in the first place. is he in love with me or is he in love eith her. should he move out to firuge it out .  why can't i trust him fully. can he live with that . should he be single . that part of the things going on in his mind .

[Jaquta]

Surely he has a responsibility to you too.  If the ex is calling the shots he needs to set limits.  I personally don't think that it is OK for him to exclude you from a part of his life, especially such an important part.

Does she have good reason to exclude you?  I mean, you're not going to hurt her son (?your step-son) are you?  It just seems petty and fueled by negative emotions.

I think that you need to have a talk with your husband.  Does he still have feelings for his ex?  Are you two having difficulties in your marriage?

I think that your husband needs to stand up and say that it is not OK for him to be denied access to his kid due to his relationship with you.  I can understand why she would do that but she needs to get over herself.  You guys are allowing her to tear your lives apart.  If she is going to deny access (with you around) then you should pursue that.  Maybe you need some legal advice?

It's a tough situation to be in especially when he has made it all about him.  If he doesn't stand up for you and your rights and respect you then maybe you would be best to let him go.  No one deserves to be treated like he is treating you.  A wife is as important, if not more so, than a child.  Children leave home.  A partner is for life.  Maybe a slightly dated view in this day and age but I am more traditional.

[mekim2005]

my husband is not going to be with me for thanksgiving . he wants to be with his son. his mom is part of the package.  i will be at home . i dont want to be around anyone . if i tell him how unfair it is he will just say i am making it about me .

[playfoot]

I know exactly how u feel my partner left me for his ex when our daughter was 8 months old i just wanted to die. I got addicted to painkillers and diazepam and i felt like i had no one to talk to. You should go and see your gp and if you havent got anyone close there,s lots of groups on the internet where u can always chat to someone anytime day or night u,ve just got to remember ur not on ur own n if u ever feel like chatting no matter what time my emails ***@**** i know it seems like the end of the world but things will get better i promise xx