Sorry to hear that it's a difficult time. So, are you working a psychiatrist regularly? Seems like there has to be a better med regime for you! There are better choices to treat depression in bipolar. When is the last time you were evaluated and have been seen by a psychiatrist?
I posted to this, don't know what happened to it. For anyone to help you they are going to need to know what's going on with you, and you need to know that as well. Manic depression is the old term for bipolar, there's not such thing as manic depression with bipolar. Is it possible you have been diagnosed with depression and some newer type of bipolar, such as bipolar 2? That isn't truly being manic depressive/bipolar, it's just a description of how you're manifesting your depression. It's important to know, because true bipolar has to be treated with antipsychotic medication -- you can't go to a therapist and talk your way out of that one. You need a psychiatrist to both properly diagnose and treat that. I'm not sure that's what you have, though, or you'd be on antipsychotics already. Who diagnosed you? I'm also confused about the anxiety attacks -- that's not manic behavior, it's something else. A lot of bipolar people do get anxiety attacks, but so do depressed people. And you say you take 20gm of clonazepam, that's obviously not the dosage. Using benzos to help you sleep isn't the best way to go about that. If you tell us what's actually going on, we can be of more help, but you obviously need to know your true diagnosis and start getting treatment for it. All the best.
I just heard in the past two days a radio broadcast on satellite radio about bipolar depression and how it is treated. That is indeed a diagnosis given and is treatable. Latuda is a med often used for that. So, I think circling back around with your psychiatrist could make a dramatic difference for you in updating your medications. I find that my fried who has bipolar enjoys when she is feeling manic. She feels high, on top of the world and can accomplish anything! It's dangerous for some people because they blur the lines of reality for that. They also take a lot of risks. And most who are close to someone diagnosed with bipolar will tell you that their manic friend, partner, family member is hard to deal with. :>) But depression is so terrible. Those lows can be devastating. They are also so dangerous. So, being medicated in the right way and followed by a psychiatrist is essential. Let us know how it is going!