First of all, have you ever been to a psychologist for a diagnosis? Some of what you describe might be depression. It might be anxiety. It might be you're just having a bad spell. Something might have happened recently that made you sad and insecure. Something is going on, that's for sure. For whatever reason, whether it's depression or something else, you are very very hard on yourself. Talking to yourself in such a negative way will make anyone unhappy if they aren't already. You don't say how old you are, but you seem to need someone to talk to about this so you can figure it out.
If you are currently diagnosed with a heart problem, you do have to see to that with your doctor. You say you have a weak heart, but that's not something you can diagnose yourself -- you have to see a specialist to tell you that. And to think you can't be fixed when you're only 16, come on, you're just getting started in life. You keep describing symptoms of anxiety but keep saying you have depression. if it's this bad you need to talk to your folks and ask about seeing a psychologist so you can find out what's actually going on with you instead of trying to diagnose yourself, you can't. How long have you been feeling like this? Did anything happen about the time this started that might have triggered such insecurity? If it's as you describe, and you're posting on here, then the first step is to tell your folks and get some professional help. You're at an age when things change fast, they can go down fast and then go up really fast too. But you don't want to fall into a chronic pattern of thinking like this. Get some help, it's okay, we all need help in life.
For a lot of people, depression seems like it comes out of nowhere. They analyze it all and can't come up with a solid reason why they'd be more depressed than someone else. You are not alone. My son lives a fairly blessed life with great intelligence and ability, athletic talent, music talent but since he tiny he has had a penchant for anxiety and depression. It was just there. He has some issues like a faulty nervous system and sensory issues. True. I guess just that leads to these inner feelings. But we also have a history of depression and anxiety in our family and particular on my husband's side. Anyway, it just is what it is. While things can be going fantastic for my son on the outside, he is always a nervous wreck and can feel depressed on the inside.
I'm sorry you feel this way too. You mention you are in school. So, do your parents know that you feel this way? I know I want to help my son so I will go out of my way to find him resources in whatever form feels most appropriate. You also have school counselors that can help you with resources too. I know our school has online resources they hook kids up with. And there are psychologists, psychiatrists, your family doctor. These are all resources you can use to feel better.
Is your feeling every day or just intermittent?
Hi.....you sound similar to how I have lived most of my life, and I only found relief with taking on my very consuming job/career. It kept me busy, preoccupied, but did not allow for a full and happy life. BUT....for the first time in my life I felt the depression lift! I ended up in the ER, found that my potassium was dangerously low and I heart was pounding rather rapidly for a few days. Long story short, the doctors got me on potassium. Now it only brought me back into the 'range' and my doctor said I was fine. I told him that I need to be a little more than 'just in the ** It is dangerous if you take more than your body needs and can be fatal. If your family will agree to a basic round of blood tests, you may find that your potassium is hovering low in the accepted range...... When I was approved to bring up my potassium by the doctor, within 2 days, for the first time in my life I felt like the depression totally lifted!!!! I know this sounds too simple, but I'm telling you, I know how you feel! If this works for you, when the depression is lifted, you will feel better about yourself, you will feel happiness that you probably have never really experienced (like me!) and you will make better choices which will lessen the anxiety. Talk to your parents about the simple blood test, discuss your sensitive nature, and that maybe these test results will show that potassium could be higher (monitored by a doctor, remember!) if it is hovering at the low end of the range.
I spent a lifetime feeling as you do.....I hope this works.