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Avatar universal

opinion on depression

I'm not honestly sure where to begin with this, so here goes. I feel like I have some form or kind of depression obviously in my life, everyone does. I just want some help advice on what to do about it, or even I should. I find I keep going through these continuous cycles almost daily where I just get angry or irritated at people I love and care about to the point I want to hurt them, usually over stupid, petty things. This goes for hours and then eventually I find myself on the next phase where I just get completely depressed and hopeless over just burdens and occurrences in life. This lasts for days sometimes. It used to bother me alot that I would think about suicide as an easy way out, but now it just seems routine to plan things out and think about how I would carry it out. It almost feels natural now to just go right to that thought of suicide when the going gets tough. It's like every morning I wake up it is so hard to convince myself to keep going and drag myself out of bed for work or classes (I'm a college student). I know this just sounds like what everyone calls the blues, but it is so debilitating. I'm restless all the time and fatigued for reasons I don't understand. I never used to get tension headaches but I feel as though I get them every other day.

I would like to talk to my parents about all of this but they worry about me enough as it is. Having had two major surgeries in the past year, that last one being to worst, they worry about my mental state alot. They are fully aware that I have had problems with depression since I was 10 or 11 when I would just drudge around the house feeling worthless on weekends.

I dont like to talk about myself or about how I feel to people or complain about pain or anything like that. My mom has the hardest time getting me to even tell her when I'm sick. My last medical experience almost left me dead in a hospital bed because I didnt tell my parents I hadnt ate or drank basically in two weeks. I had a perforated appendix and didnt realize it for about two weeks. I only went in because my urine was a dark brown color and I needed to be rehydrated.

I feel anxious all the time now over stupid things. I had anxiety attacks every night for two weeks a month ago that really disturbed my sleep patterns.

I don't make plans for the future because I'm so unsure im going to make it to next week.

I feel like I'm just going to go slightly off this path I have been on and snap one day and harm myself or others. I want help but I dont know how or if i even should to get it. I mean I seriously just want to tell my parents I want therapy sessions for Christmas. Does any of this sound like it is worth looking into or am I just whining about day to day life. I want help. I dont want to live like this anymore. I just feel like I could end all of this so easily but there is so much I wish I could do in life. Thank you for your time.
6 Responses
Avatar universal
Actually, you remind me of myself years ago. Suicide was always a comfort thought.  Seems to me that you don't share with anyone.  Do you obsess about yourself? It seems that you do.  Why not focus on someone else' issues for a change.  What areas are you confident in?  How can you help someone else?.  
You don't mention any friends.  If you can't talk to friends or parents then maybe therapy would be the best choice.  Seems obvious that you don't want to just ignore your pain and are desperate for some focus.  If asking your parents for therapy for a Christmas is really what you want then ask for it.  It sounds like a unique idea.
Avatar universal
I'm not sure if its that I obsess about myself. I'm kind've like the helpful friend people have. I like helping people and Im very generous. It is just that it upsets me that sometimes petty things i find in people can frustrate me enough to want to hurt them emotionally or physically because im frustrated over life, and that this is all the time. Im not sure if I was very clear in what this post was about. I want to know if anyone thinks this is something I should look into/seek help for or am I just whining. I feel like there are just so many answers out there for how I could fix this and i just cant find them.
1432897 tn?1322963137
Hi Natural!  I can identify with a lot of what you said.  If you think you need some help please ask for it.  It is never to early to learn how to live a happy life.  I went through my teenage years feeling like you, thinking  like you and holding it in like you do.  At age 19 I finally, after thinking about it for so many years, attempted suicide.  Fortunately I am here today.  Some of this may be a chemical imbalance in the brain and you might need meds to help straighten it out.  I had to do that but now I no longer need to take them.  The biggest thing for me was learning to live life of life's terms.  Accepting people,places and things for who and what they are and finding something to be grateful for.  What is it about life that is so frustrating?  What is it about us that causes us to be frustrated with life?  Thanks for sharing with us and I hope things work out well for you.
Avatar universal
"  Do you obsess about yourself? It seems that you do.  Why not focus on someone else' issues for a change.    How can you help someone else?."

I feel that you should ignore those cursory and ignorant comments.  I am frustrated that someone would decide to give such poor advice to someone in need of emotional support.  Anyhow, it appears that you have been enduring a lot of emotional pain in solitude for sometime.  I don't think that you are whining at all.  I do believe that you should speak and share your thoughts and feelings with someone.  If you feel too scared to open up to your family and friends, I think you'll benefit from meeting with a psychologist.  I am confident that a psychologist can help you find the answers that you are looking for. I want you to know that there are no issues that are too big, too small, too simple, or too complex to discuss.

Avatar universal
Thanks for the encouragement, I hope to seek help in whatever form it may be. I would like it to be as simple as a chemical imbalance, but I cant know until I seek the help I want.

Suppose I wanted to ask a doctor about this, where can/should I go? A general practitioner or should I just take the step of talking to my parents and finding something more precise? I'm not real sure where to go.
Avatar universal
I'm so glad to hear that you are so willing to seek professional help.  There are many different routes on how you can find help.  I've noticed that you mention that you are in college.  Guess what, colleges usually have a psychiatrist and a number of psychologists on campus!!!!  I suggest that you check out your school resources and see if it offers personal counseling.  If your college is anything like mine, I received psychotherapy at no cost!  During a first meeting with a psychologist and psychiatrist, you'll be given a chance to voice your concerns.  Then, they will screen you for depression etc.  Another method of getting treatment can be through a general practitioner.  A GP can prescribe you antidepressants or could refer you to a psychiatrist.  I rather have you meet with a psychologist or psychiatrist because they
can be the active listener that you are in need of.  A psychiatrist/ psychologist can determine if psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of both is most suitable for you. Another method of obtaining personal counseling is through low- cost mental health care.  There are many organizations that offer psychotherapy for free or at low cost.  All you have to do is use google for search for such organizations within your area.  I hope this helps you.  Let me know how things go.  Take good care.
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