please help

[inlovex3]

im 19 years old and lets face it, i've had a ****** childhood, dad died at age 5 raped at age 12 abused all my life molested by my stepdad when  i was 14, always told i was a nobody. it sucked. well now im madly in love with somebody and i cant seem to hold my own. ive never physically cheated on him but i have been caught multiple times talking to other people and such. i have completely broken him and im so upset i want to die. i know i dont want to hurt my relationship but yet i mess up, i dont get it. i thinkit could be that im looking for more attention to cover up my lack of confidence but i really dont want to be like this. i want to change more than anything in this world, but i dont know if i can do it alone. its like a double personality and i cant control my emotions. i need help, but i dont think therapy is going to make him trust me, i need to prove that i can change and be different,, and i think this may be step one to that. i want to change, i dont want to hurt people anymore with my liess and my sneakiness, help me please

[inlovex3]

thanks for all the kind words guys :) it really means alot. We are working things through and it seems so far so good. We think i might have borderline personality disorder and we're going to look into it a little more. He is also helping me become more confident and ways that i was lacking. thank you all so much

[cb360]

Hello

Seems like a bad situation, does your boyfriend know about your past?
i have a relationship over a year and 2 months with my girlfriend and i have my own problems and she never knew at first and started thinking that i didnt love her and that was why i was dipressed but eventually i told her and we now try and work together and help myself and she has mild anxiety which i try to help with, work with your boyfriend to help yourself tell him why you do what you do, and make him feel special go out together as much as possible to build your relationship more.

He obvisously love you to be with you in the first place same with you being with him, i think maybe therapy would help for your situation, and tell your boyfriend your trying to help you both by doing so

Best of luck to you

Callum

[goodgardenpeas28]

Honestly, the only way to have a healthy relationship with another is to be relatively healthy yourself. If you are using attention seeking behavior there is a reason-perhaps you have not completely dealt with what happened to you as an adolescent. Before you can commit to him you need to be in an emotionally stable place (by yourself) and its sounds like you arent. You are right-therapy wont make him trust you, but therapy may help you to trust yourself enough to be secure in the relationship with him.

[OldBlackDog]

hi, hope youre feeling a bit better now you got that off your chest. you need to tell your bloke exactly what you have written here. tell him how serious you are about starting afresh. youve got to let go of the past & stop using it as an excuse for your actions or youve let 'them' win. No one can control you or hurt you ever again like that. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are and how far youve come because you are so strong! really! take control of your life in a good way and rise above flirting with other men, thats you wanting to be the one in control. you csn be but find another outlet for it. i do wish you well & hope it all works out for you. youre in charge now so make the most of it. take care x