run out of life energy

[veru]

If feel like I am totally k.o. I wake up everyday with a feeling saying oh my god..another day.. everything activity brings me no happiness..its like going one stair up and two stairs down everytime. Its like a sea where you cannot find an island to have a rest..to be happy.. Everytime I see a car passing by I think about what would have happen if it wouldnt have just passed.. and whats even worse..who would have finally come to my funeral..somebody? anybody? I feel like theres no sense, theres no reason for being here and trying and trying. One day is good and than its hell.. It longs almost 4months and I still cant get rid off it.. I am calm and suddenly I cry... I dont know what to do... I was quite clever nice girl according to others opinion but I am totally down...

sometimes it is better..with friends or animals..but inside I am still so unhappy and desperate.. feel like a fool

what should I do? I am so scared..

[veru]

the great problem I was talking about..I meant something like you are not able to take care of your new born child, schizophrenia or smt like that...I think people with depression need to talk and talk and hear its not only their fault..everything that happend wasnt only our fault and we are not bad... and the is some connection between our present behavior and past and the doctor tries to find out what are the link and correct our thinking somehow...so we also have great problems bur very diffrent from the previous I meant

[veru]

Hmmm I have one experience with psychiatrst and several with psychologist. The first one usually doesnt have much time for you, he just gaves you antidepressants and talks to you for 20minutes..usually maximum... sometimes it is necessary to see him in case you have really great problems... but I preffered psychologist. He cant give me anntidep but has time to talk.. and he (she in my case) understood me and told me her opinion and tried to show me other ways of thinking about my problems..that not everything is my fault etc... I really felt good every time I was leaving..so ifyou have a good one its worth it... Well sure it will take couple of hours, generally about 10visits until the doctor  knows everything about you, your thinking, secrets, things youre afraid of etc... but I think its good..anyway I am not seeing her anymore because she it is also very expensive here and I am a student, working now but still student and I dont want to ask my parrents so much money..as they think it weird and expensive... when are you going to visit the doctor?

[rarmst]

Did it help at all talking to a psychologist? No you're not crazy at all, it's just that sometimes it is hard when you have the added pressure from your family who really don't understand how you feel so I know what you mean, you do things do please them and yer If you don't want something to work, it won't. It's hard to get the motivation. You kind of have to meet the medication half way. I guess maybe it would be the same with seeing a psychologist. I really do want to try and feel better for the sake of my daughter and husband so I am going to try and make an effort and hopefully it works. The other frustrating thing is that it is sooo expensive in Australia to see counselors so I really hope it is worth the money lol.

[veru]

Hi..I dont mind when youre writing about yoursel..it also very important.. I have the same problem..I am not able to change my thinking.. every minute I feel like ut would be easier to go and end it..stop it..but what about my family? this is the only reason I still didnt do it..well I tried but somebidy iterrupted me.. I also hurt myself a bit to release the preassure..I dont want to tell anybody again.. I was going to a psycho for some time..had two types of antidep. - neurol in case I am totally down and classical ones. But it didnt work very well and the second thing is I didnt really want them to work.. I was taking them just to let people around me think I am trying and working on myself so they wouldnt have been so angry if something would have happen...am I crazy?? Today accept of I am nervous I have bad hadache... great...

[rarmst]

Hi, I wish I had the answers as well. I feel the same. Every morning I wake up and just wish I could go back to sleep. It is so true what jcook144 said about creating your own happiness. I truly believe we create what we think we deserve. But for some reason I can't change the way I feel, I have the most amazing daughter and husband and life so I don't know why I feel like this but have done since I was probably around 14 years old. I think about dieing all the time because it would be so much easier. But I could never do anything because I could never hurt my family like that. So I just have to put on a happy face and act like everything is ok but I hate myself. I wish I could change the way I feel..I wish I had energy and motivation and could be happy but I don't know how to break the cycle of depression that i've been in for so long. I am on Lexipro and am much better on it but it only really gets me through but doesn't make me any happier with myself.
Sorry to have a winge all about myself...but you're not alone. I guess a lot of people feel like this too. I wish we knew how to change it.
I am going to see a psychologist on Monday, so fingers crossed.
Maybe something you could try too.

[veru]

Hi, thank you for your answer. . there are not many people around me accepting such feeling and not saying I am just a fool tec...

Im feeling very nervous today. I dont wanna taje antepr. again because I feel stupid with than..as I cant organise and face my life myself.. I do some sports, new ones that I ve never tried before. I try to make new friends but nothing makes me happy for more than a little while. I smile but inside its like dying...

Suppose you too had such feelings..how did you manage it?

[j17c27]

Hi, I just want you to know that even though I know you feel upset, your not alone.  I can connect with everything you just said.  Its gonna be ok...you wont have to be in this life forever.  Eventually life will happen and you'll die and who knows what will happen then.  But until that happens we just have to focus on putting one foot infront of the other and facing life 1 day or step at a time.  Dont be scared, there are so many people with you on how you feel.  I know you probably dont want to hear this but you have to create your own happiness.  When your sitting there thinking of how you wish it could all go away...do something for yourself.  Whether it be going on a run for excersize, or even making a cake.  Or painting, or writing music, or learning to play an instrument.  I know I'm only 17 but something I have learned so far is that you have to do things for youself some times.  So many people focus on pleasing others, that we forget how to please ourselves.  
Focus on those times where life feels as though its getting better.  Hold on to those moments, and study why they were good.  The next time you are feeling really down, try and recreate what last made you really happy.