Avatar universal

the holidays: I wish they would go away

I have recently moved from CA to WA. all my kids and grandkids and family and friends are in CA and this holiday is going to be esp hard this year I think. NO ONE is taking me seriously when I say I am depressed and sad because we my husband and I are alone and having our holiday without the huge family I am use to having over Christmas esp.  I have NEVER felt so bad at the holiday as this year. I knew this would happen. YES, I did want to move here and I don't want to go back, but I can't shake this not being with my kids over christmas.  I think my husband is actually happy that we aren't dealing with it all this year, he dosn't seemed to be bothered at all. I just wish I could sleep till the new year is here and wake up like Jan 1 or 2 and its past. how do I get over it?
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1110049 tn?1409402144
Hi, I am new to the forum.  How are you doing?  I have had depression for about 20 years.  I haven't had a holiday for a long time.  Nobody to go with.  I get so lonely.  I can't think about Christmas at all.  Not motivated to buy presents for my family.  Know how you feel.  At least I have my children and grandchildren near.  Don't know what I will be doing.  My daughter has asked me over Christmas Day, but don't know when I will see my son and family.  I may be alone on Boxing Day.  Luckily I have a pet dog for company.  Agree wish could sleep it away.  I just long to feel free of depression.  10 days into re-starting anti-depressants.  Keep in touch. Tell me how it goes.  At least you have your husband, or is he no help?
Helpful - 0
539024 tn?1270578997
Sending you both big hugs.  I know just how you feel.  I, too, am grateful for my pet dog. I want to just sleep and avoid all the hoopla.  I used to love Christmas so much but I lost my mom a few days before Christmas and it's never been the same.  

I just want to be "normal" again.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Cat,

It really does feel like it's gonna be a bad time doesn't it? My mother died on Xmas Eve when I was 10. My little sister too. So Xmas was always a dreaded time of year for us. As kids we'd look forward to the Xmas part but could not bear the memory side and the feelings it gave us. Empty was one word. Scared was more like it I think.

Society and the media shove these events down our throats from 1 January too 31 December and they do it for one reason. Money. Forcing us to buy, buy, buy simply because. Invented holidays, events on days that have nothing to do with the supposed prpose, doesn't matter they still force it on us and make us feel alone when the season is supposed to be about the opposite, inclusion.

I got over the Xmas thing and enjoyed it with my own kids but now they too are grown and now it means almost nothing at all. I always hated those forced gatherings, usually of people who didn't want to be there. Like your husband feels I think. Great if you are all close or good friends etc but dreadful if you have a drunk father in law or such like there.

I ignore most events these days. I celebrate my kids and partners birthdays and try to help them get by when they want to do something on a holiday. But they too see it for waht it really is. A farce, a shopping frenzy.

I agree with your husband about having time to yourselves. Since you got married it's been rare indeed and now is your time. With the internet, video conferencing and phone contact these days it's not that distant and you can see and hear everyone without having to do it all day.

I say rejoice in being a couple and don't wish away your time wanting to be where you aren't. If you want to be where the others are, then go. My partner went the last 2 years and I spent the hols here alone. It was excellent. Not lonely as it was short term and I knew she would be doing what she wanted. This year we're here with our 15 year old and that's it. Her friends possibly too.

But the first feeling alone can be bad. But only if you let it. Don't dwell on what was, focus on what is.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello everyone!   I’m from the Philippines. Really sad with your stories. I too, has not had my whole family with me during the hols.  May parents has been working in Italy for 25 years and we have not spent a single christmas together. My two sisters are in the medical profession so they are seldomly in the house on christmas and new years eve. Good thing I got married and have 2 kids now so I have some one to spend it with.  We’ll just keep in touch with my parents thru the internet on the hols. Hope you communicate with them too…

God bless!
Helpful - 0
874521 tn?1424116797
Hi...I can sure sympathize with you dear....Christmas can be a very lonely and depressing time for some due to being alone, memories or money problems. so much is expected of us anymore to come up with all the 'perfect' gifts....
Its not easy for us that are on a very limited budget.
Sometimes people can be still alone even when theres a housefull....
like Who said make the most of it and enjoy your husband and the peace of the season.
One thing I did do one year when I was all alone was go help at the Salvation Army..they put on a huge dinner open to those that have addictions or just anyone alone over the holidays...so I thought it was a good place to help out and I felt so good afterwards...so grateful to have a home and loving family even if they couldn't be here...
be imaginative you'll come up with some ideas....best to you!
Helpful - 0
363281 tn?1590104173
Hello~Christmas can be a VERY lonely time, I think one reason is all the memories, also, seeing others really happy and you are not, makes it all the worse. You know you "should" be happy, but aren't. Being in a strange new state away from family is hard at best, but, when it is during the holidays, the pain is even worse. I live in Washington state, near the Cascades, where do you live?
Try enjoying your husbands company, and, take comfort in the fact that probably next year at this time you will have made friends and also you will feel more at home.
It will get better hon, just takes time.
Helpful - 0
574101 tn?1245537020
may-be this will help when im blue for christmas I help a family out. when you see how bad some have it and can help it realy gives you  christmas joy
Helpful - 0
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