want to die...****

[chloelicous]

I have everything in the world I could possible want...a house...dog...straight As at school..a long time boyfriend and I still want to die...you know its like no matter what...i will never be happy. I've tried depression drugs...they dont work..i tried street drugs...they kind of work...but what I really think is that life is bull **** and for every good thing that happens there will be a bad one right there to kick u in the butt. Im ******* sick of it...Sorry for all the swearing. But seriously is anybody out there genuinely happy? Because I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible...and even if you think your happy its only until that bad thing comes into your lfe to set you straight and make you cry. I give up

[chloelicous]

thank you...it was overwhelming to hear everybody say such positive and nice and hopeful things. I will take everything into consideration

[Germur]

Don't give in to your thoughts.  I have been exactly where you are several times during my life.  It seems like there is no way out and ending your life is a reasonable alternative.  But that is part of the big lie of depression.  You can have a normal life with lots of joy and happiness, but you have got to want it bad and work for it.  The issues of you memory loss can be a direct result of your depression and not necessarily your drugs.  The drugs are not meant to be a cure, just something to help you get back to a normal level so you can make positive changes in you life.  I wish you the best and challenge you to come back to the land of the living.

[Janzi]

Please.. don't give in to this part of your mental chatter. You list all these external things that 'should' make you happy, and you still find you're not wanting to live...

I hear you. We can see the bull*** of the world, and yes there is a heck of a lot of it out there. Some people are more sensitive to it than others. Don't get me started... :)

Know that you are not Alone. Last night I was totally suicidal.. and then I just decided to give it another go. Again.. and Again and Again. Fall down, dust off and keep on going.. Why? Because there are days of joy, and days of new friends, and days of laughter and adventure just around the bend.. you know that there is, and you know this will pass... All of it seems like a cruel, surreal joke on us... BUT... You can rise above this. Phoenix from the Flame. It's all part of the cycle of those who feel a little more, see a little more, know a little more...

Rise above it.

Truly.
You can.
You will.

Take a look at what you need to make you 'happy' from Inside... what makes you inspired? What dreams have you let rest and lay dormant? What activities have you stopped doing that you used to Love? When do you have quality time alone? *

This is a passage, sometimes you may be on the verge of something new and scary, maybe you need to shake things up a bit, get out of your comfort zone and this is a message telling you so.  Perhaps you just need to weep and let out some chemicals. Perhaps it is in the stars and it is affecting a lot of us together... anything is possible.

I really find some of the most simple things make me turn it all around.

Cooking something new, fun and healthy. Going for a walk and just breathing in the day. Smiling at strangers, and feeling them smile back, surprised. Indulging in time Alone, at a bookstore, a cafe, my bedroom.. Solitary time is crucial!! Going and doing something you've never done, taking a class in something.. It may feel like you're 'trying', and yeah you are... Nothing wrong with that. I have to often force myself outside, and I am an active person.. once I get there.. I forget all about how depressed I am and get involved in other people and places...

Just an idea.
I really hope your day today is better~*

[vegan1976]

I understand cuz I have everything too, but depression can really take over sometimes and you just want to die.  I know the feeling and you are not alone.  I've been actively suicidal but the feelings come and go.  So I try to just let it pass cuz I know I will eventually feel better.  What helps for me is exercising and walking outdoors.  I also read positive books...I strongly suggest "Earth School 101" by Alan Arcieri...you can buy it off Amazon.com.  That book changed my whole outlook on life.  Hang in there.

[LeftCoastChick]

Hi Chloe, I know depression can get you down, and so can life. I bites sometimes, but part of growing is going through painful moments. There are a TON literally of meds out there, but you really need to go see a specialist, a psychiatrist. Talk therapy helps you learn to cope with the negativity that life throws at you. You may have something going on that explains why you are looking at things 1/2 empty rather then 1/2 full. You've also used illicit drugs, so you may still be having issues, there is help out there. Suicide is never the answer, and it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  How old are you? I just need to know which way to point you to get help.
But there is a hotline finder that I'll give you, if you are actively feeling suicidal then go to your Local ER, they will treat you with kindness, being suicidal is an emergency!

http://www.befrienders.org/helplines/helplines.asp?c2=USA

[ILADVOCATE]

I'd suggest going to a dual recovery group for a person with depression and a substance abuse issue as illegal drugs can really set your recovery back. "Depression Central" is a good resource for understanding treatment. And if you feel suicidal I would speak to someone right away about it but definitely some form of rehab. group would be helpful and there is a specific forum for that as well.