I have always been a very emotional person even from a young child. I was always crying for some reason unknown. As I grew up experienced a lot of emotions and feeling that I didnt know why or for what reason I was having them. I tried to deal with them. I offen was critised for crying so much or acting stand offish. Then at the age of 15 I lost a boyfriend in a car accident. I need to talk to someone but I WAS TOLD TO GET OVER IT. Afte feeling alone and lost unloved tried to kill myself. I been molested in my youth a few times, I thought I had dealt with these things.
I married early to someone that I wasn't really in love with. It was more about getting away from a bad famliy life. putting myself in a worst situation. My husband was abit controling causing me to become someone else. Now after 17 years and 2 children Im so unhappy.I hate myself I think that Im dumb. So many time Ive thought about just ending it all. I wasnt allowed by my husband to go see someone for help. Finally it got so bad I had to go see someone. Iwas tired of feeling like I was. Feeling like I was trapped in someone elses life. And my children deserved a mother and my husband a wife. Now, not evey moment of my life was I unhappy but behind the smiles I still felt the depression lingering. Ive been put on zolft, celexa, wellbutrin, and now paxil and Im also on adderall. The paxil works, so far but some times my depression come back and I feel myself becoming paranoid and going into a shell. Then the feeling of worthlessness comes and I want run away and dissappear. Then the next day or so Im fine. Im I bipolor or just depressed. And If Im depressed what type is it. I want to be happy for once in my life really happy. Also I a family history of mental instability. Alot of the women losing there minds having nervous breakdowns..HELP!