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what type of depression is this

I have always been a very emotional person even from a young child. I was always crying for some reason unknown.  As I grew up experienced a lot of emotions and feeling that I didnt know why or for what reason I was having them. I tried to deal with them. I offen was critised for crying so much or acting stand offish. Then at the age of 15 I lost a boyfriend in a car accident. I need to talk to someone but I WAS TOLD TO GET OVER IT. Afte feeling alone and lost unloved tried to kill myself. I been molested in my youth a few times, I thought I had dealt with these things.
I married early to someone that I wasn't really in love with. It was more about getting away from a bad famliy life. putting myself in a worst situation. My husband was abit controling causing me to become someone else. Now after 17 years and 2 children Im so unhappy.I hate myself I think that Im dumb. So many time Ive thought about just ending it all. I wasnt allowed by my husband to go see someone for help. Finally it got so bad I had to go see someone. Iwas tired of feeling like I was. Feeling like I was trapped in someone elses life. And my children deserved a mother and my husband a wife. Now, not evey moment of my life was I unhappy but behind the smiles I still felt the depression lingering. Ive been put on zolft, celexa, wellbutrin, and now paxil and Im also on adderall.  The paxil works, so far but some times my depression come back and I feel myself becoming paranoid and going into a shell. Then the feeling of worthlessness comes and I want run away and dissappear. Then the next day or so Im fine. Im I bipolor or just depressed. And If Im depressed what type is it. I want to be happy for once in my life really happy. Also I a family history of mental instability. Alot of the women losing there minds having nervous breakdowns..HELP!
1 Responses
1042487 tn?1275279899
While it may sounds like you are bipolar or having a borderline personality disorder I do think you answered your own question during the process of typing your post.

You say you have been molested as a child which can surely have an impact on your life as it is right now but the real problem is sitting as an underlying cause of the rush for a quick marriage and steady relationship to escape from your bad family life.

Having 2 children is probably something that someone would consider thinking twice before making a sudden chance in his/her life but you must know that a lot of couples are going thru this process and you better be happy with 2 children that you can still love and raise than be unhappy with your current situation and projecting your unhappy mood on your family eg kids.

While I suggest you seek the external help of a therapist to help out with figuring out what's really going on, I think you need to focus on yourself and see what could bring you happy and it's not something you will find into a pill.

Many people might be against the idea of leaving your current life since you have children but the question if what is better for you so you can be able to be a good mother.

Sit back and think about it and tell to yourself that the your life is your and will always will be no matter what and what makes you happy might makes other people you and who care about you happy too. Think outside the box and see if you can shed some light into this.

Best regards,
M4
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