whats wrong?!

[NLD]

For four years now I've been bulimic, and have always had problems with mood swings. For the past six months the mood swings are getting ridiculous, I switch between deliriously happy to feeling complete anger, breaking down and crying then into a state of feeling nothing, without warning, and its starting to scare my parents, and the people in my new school have pointed it out to me numerous times (which is not good when you're in a new place trying to make friends). I often get overreact to the smallest things, and get angry at people for no reason to the point that they give up on me. I find I'm tired all the time, finding it hard to work or get motivation to do anything, I either can't sleep at all or sleep for hours on end so I'm always late and I'm overreating every day which is making my anxiety/bulimia worse. I get really anxious in social situations and have started to find it difficult to hold conversations. I self-harmed on an off for a year, and recently started again. Last year I tried to commit suicide twice, and it's a thought that's been coming into my head alot recently.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm depressed or just being paranoid. I feel like I'm letting everyone down by not being able to control myself. I had counselling for around a year and stopped because I found it just made me feel worse by having to talk about all my problems and justifying my actions, because I can't.
Does anyone know whats wrong or what I can do? I really need to sort this all out.

[NLD]

Thankyou so much, I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow to try and sort everything out. Bi-polar though, don't you just swing between mania and depression? Because I have intervals of nothingness...just feeling empty, emotionless..

[whodunnit]

Hi there,

Yes it's quite obvious what is wrong. It sounds very much like bi polar depression. Mood swings and the highs are the key clue to this. If you switch from highs to lows then you are likely going from at least hypomania to deep depression.

This can be controlled with meds. A mood stabiliser such as lithium should even out your moods so you are neither high nor at the bottom. About the same most of the time is the aim.

Self harm is simply depression at work. Depression itself is self harm in that we feed ourselves negative thoughts about ourselves day and night, internal self harming.

Suicidal thoughts and two attempts say one thing. Get to a psychiatrist urgently. You will need to see a GP first to get a referral and of course your parents will need to be invoolved depending on your age.

There are so many of us suffering these days NLD so you are not alone and you are not the first to go through this. Nor will you be the first who recovers from it when you do. At your age you have a great opportunity to deal with this illness now and recover to enjoy what else lies ahead for you.

If your parents are not helping talk to a school counsellor if you have one. Or make another excuse for a doctor's appointment and hit the doc with all this when you get there. The doc will be on your side in wanting to get you treatment and parents are less likely to oppose such if they feel that way.