Drinking and Diabetes in a just turned 21 year old

[anniem47]

My son, who has had diabetes nearly 18 years, & has been in college for a full 3 years doesn't seem to take the drinking thing seriously.  Though he has gotten sick at least 3x to my knowledge from it, still I see him taking much liberty with alcohol.  Even when I'm out with him, such as tonight, he drank one corona and a mixed drink (long island iced tea of all things!)  I don't know what to do.  I hardly see him check, though I do see him whip out his kit to do his insulin.  He is Humilin and Lantus.  The other night at his brothers wedding, for which I cut him lots of slack, he drank so much that instead of staying at a hotel with his counsins & friends that night (for which they were supposed to be up checking him) he ended up coming home instead with no argument.  All night long I was up checking him every 2 hrs.  He went from 39 to 400, and back again.  I'm very upset with his lack of seriousness on his diabetes in general.  He keeps no rec. books, doesn't check his avg on machine, and most times doesn't check to see before he eats.  He covers the amount of carb he thinks he is eating, disregarding whether he may be low or high before doing so. I spent my life teaching him to do things right.  I must have read most books on the subject when he was diagnosed at a baby age.  Now I feel I have failed, that all my work and dedication to helping him lead a healthy adult life was useless.  What do I do before it is too late? He believes my small use of alcohol is the reason I am so "overly" concerned, which is certainly not the case.  Worried sick in Chicago. AA

[kneazlelady]

Oh...not finished...sorry. Codependency as I understand it (NOT A DOC or THERAPIST) can make folks do things that aren't really welcome or even supportive but actually aggravate the situation. Ask yourself, "How would I feel if someone were doing this to me?" And be honest. Codependency occurs because the person feels lost, alone, maybe betrayed, like they do all the work and no one else does any, etc., like they have the weight of the world upon their shoulders. It's excrutiatingly painful and no wonder, right? And everyone seems to manifest it in one way or another at some point in their lives. There's a really, really, good book out there by Melody(sp?) Beattie called -Codependent No More. A lot of folks who live with emotionally trying situations have gotten help from her. I have found through personal experience that the more I tried to control something that wasn't my responsibility (like trying to get someone sober ot take better care of himself, for instance) the worse it got. Period.

[kneazlelady]

Sorry--I am verbose and I hope no one gets irritated.
And I know it's tempting to think worrying is going to change something (I used to believe that if I worried hard enough about something, it was like the price I paid for everything to turn out ok). Nope...all I was doing was abusing myself. That goes for someone who is ill and not taking care of him/herself as well. How do you help someone and be supportive of their wellness and better decisions without 'enabling' them to further self-destruct? By letting them live their lives and make their own decisions...I think, anyway. Easier said than done. But very, very freeing. The trick seems to be where to draw the line. I know that if I was 21 and someone was refusing to let me draw my own insulin (and forgive the bluntness of this) but I would be mad as heck and want to fight. However, maybe this person is disabled in some way. Has she ever gotten the chance? And camp is not always fun, you know. I had some heinous experiences at diabetic camp. The iron fist approach does not work. Letting go will not only save someone else, but you as well. It will feel completely foreign and unnatural if you struggle with control, but it will pay off in the end. And I am not calling anyone codendent or anything else...Also, a practical tip for those who are adults and drink w/diabetes. If you have to drink, at least eat some bread and drink plenty of water. It helps. But I wouldn't recommend it. I paid a heavy price, myself. What's the official suggestion by the ADA?

[anniem47]

To the Team SS

If you read my post, you know that my son was also only 3 years old when diagnosed.  He is now a healthy 21 year old, who is trying to be a little bit too undiabetic right now.  However, when I had a sit down with him the other day over my concerns, many were alleviated.  Though Danny is far from perfect in his control, it has never gone over 9 for his A1c, ever.  Before college, up until I'd say his senior year in highschool, it had never gone much over 7.  His endo told me that he is doing well for a college aged child.  When he was in 3rd grade he started doing his own injections just like that, it was unbelievable.  Since he grew up with the disease I think it is really 2nd nature for him to simply whip out his meter and test, along with drawing up his shot.  Though I don't like him giving his shots through his clothes, it is a battle I let him win and up till now have never had any problems with it. This has been going on since highschool, when he didn't want to be dropping his pants to do a leg or butt injection.  The ONLY time he developed an infeciton at a site was from the pump, and it could have been quite serious, but we (including him) really kept on it, including some antibiotics.

I know I complained about him the other night, but since talking to him I realize what a great little trooper I have.  Like I said, far from perfect, but I know I don't have to worry about him checking himself or doing his shots.  I know he should be keeping a record book, and be more careful about what he eats but so much of this is his age and lifestyle right now.  At least when he does eat, he covers it with insulin even if it means more than 4 injections a day.

As far as 'par' was talking about with her daughter, I think there must be some depression going on there.  Just the fact that she mentioned she is going to die is quite an announcement of where her state of mind is. She should indeed be doing her own shots and checking at nearly age 21.  If she is rebelling then she needs to speak to a professional to help get her through this. Danny never stopped checking, doing shots, counting carbs, checking his urine when ill, etc.  These are things that should be a normal routine for her now.  I don't know if the answer is going on vacation, I'd be afraid of leaving her alone with just her negative state of mind.  I'm not trying to scare you 'par' but I would at least have someone stay with her; i.e. a family member? I hope you have spoken to her endo about her neglect and feelings?

As far as Markie's remarks on how perhaps I'm pestering him too much, I really don't think that is the case at all.  I rarely mention it anymore unless it's a little reminder here and there.  Danny really is what I'd consider completely on his own taking care of it.  That is why my concern rose, from observing from the sidelines.  I'd actually forgotten that we made the agreement that we would talk every 2 weeks about his diabetes if I wanted to.  Once I brought it up to him, he was quite willing to discuss it.

One time not too long ago, I said something to Danny regarding something he was either eating or drinking, it may have been a beer.  My husband was quick to let me know that I shouldn't be getting on Danny, that he is 21 now.  Danny replied that it was ok to his dad, that he knows that I just worry about him and he expects that.  It was incredibly sweet and mature.

Annie

[JDRF - Team- SS]

Hello,

Thank you for your follow up response.  I really appreciate it.  One of the reasons I posted is because I realized your son was around 3 when diagnosed just like my boy.

I am glad to hear that your boy is doing better than you first anticipated.  He does sound like  trooper!  

I agree that the woman with the almost 21 yr. old should possibly find someone to stay with her daughter and talk to her endo about a referral to a social worker.  The hard part is getting someone who is depressed to do something.  I have dealt with depression myself.

Take care,
SS

[jdrf team dm]

Dear Annie,

We all have concerns at times. It's part of parenthood. We need to know that our children are safe. I know that my husband and I have had the same conversations. It sounds like his Endo is on top of this, as you are. What has impressed me is that you both have the lines of communication open and he is willing to talk. I can't tell you how important this is. I hear from so many young adults that refuse to talk to their parents for whatever reasons. I hope you will continue to post comments for others at this site and if you ever have concerns, please feel free to contact us. Excuse me if I am amused at your reference that he is a trooper. It has been my own saying about my son for years. What else can they be?

dm

[par2323]

If your child is taking responsibility for testing and shows interest in his care, I think that is great!  I can't imagine too much backsliding when he reaches adolescence, but I could be wrong.  My daughter was diagnosed in third grade and she never has taken responsibility for or shown interest in her own care although we have tried everything (nurses, therapy, diabetes camp).  She doesn't want anyone to know (especially neighbors, family friends, etc.).  We have no family close by so that is another reason I am fearful of leaving her alone when we go on vacation.  My husband wants to leave her NPH preset in syringes for her to take each morning, but I would rather she be tested and given an appropriate amount of NPH and H for her blood sugar level.  I know we are going to have to discuss this with her before we go, but any discussions that involve diabetes with her usually end up in a major fight.  She screams and retreats to her room and we can't the information across.  I keep seeing her 21st birthday approaching and hoping something miraculous will happen with her attitude, but common sense tells me otherwise.

par