How do I get the motivation to take care of this?

[Shayda]

I was diagnosed when I was fourteen with Type One. I'm almost seventeen now.
I'm so down lately with the diabetes. I feel so angry and frustrated all the time. I don't want this disease, I don't want to carb count every single thing I eat. I want to eat when I'm hungry, and not at a scheduled time. I want to be able to work out without eating a snack before. I want to be able to go out with my friends and not bring along all my diabetes supplies.
I still haven't accept this disease. I used to be so great at managing it, but now I'm in this place where I just want to say F you to everyone and not deal with it, and run away from my problems. I use to skip my injections to lose weight, and lately I've been withholding insulin again. I know the consequences of this, I don't need people to preach to me, but that's all I'm getting. I just want to talk to someone who knows what I'm going through, and hear how they got motivated to manage this disease, to be healthy.
I know so many people live with this, and live great healthy lives, but for me.. I find it a constant struggle. I just want it to disappear.

[Shayda]

Yeah I do think I might see a conselour, probably a good idea.
I've wanted to get on the pump for so long now, but when I get my AIC checked every three months, if it's not below 9 the doctors don't let me change my plan. I have to stay on the same plan until I'm doing perfect enough for them to think I can handle the pump. What I've said to them before is that it's not that I'm totally careless, it's just that this insulin regimen isn't working for me, and i KNOW that my diabetes would be so much better if I was on the pump.
I'm going for my last visit with them in May, because their only for people under seventeen. Hopefully that means the adult clinic will respect me a bit more as an independent person, and let me make choices that I know will improve my lifestyle.

[triskit82]

First off, we've all been there, at the point where you just want to say F it all!!!
Diabetes can feel like a huge pain in the butt and not just from the injections ;)

I think you should first off talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and get a referral to a counselor who can help you work out the emotional weight that's holding you back.

Next, I think you need to look at some different options for management. Some of the things you listed that really bug you about diabetes is the scheduling, and snacking etc. There are so many treatment options and a lot of them do not require this.

The one thing that is constant in any management program is carb counting and of course taking insulin, but I'm confident you can find some freedom by switching to a different plan. Particularly if the one you're on is not working for you.

Personally I'm on the pump, it took me yrs to finally decide to do it. I was on multiple daily injections before that. The thing I love about the pump is that I can eat when I want and if I'm going to exercise I can either disconnect my pump or put it on a temporary setting so I'm getting a lower does of background insulin. This way I don't have to eat, if I don't want to.

Being on the pump has made my life so much easier, I don't have to follow a strict schedule, so if I feel like sleeping in one day, it's not a big deal because I'm wearing my insulin and it's all programmed so I'm not "missing" a shot.

When going out, all I carry with me is my blood glucose monitor which fits in my purse...and you can get really tiny ones now. Since I'm wearing my pump, I don't need to bring insulin or syringes etc. My pump fits nicely in my jeans pocket, or if I'm wearing a dress or something without pockets, I have several different leg straps that can conceal it nicely, one that goes on my calf and one that goes on my upper thigh, and for a backup you can always stick it in your bra. No one even has to see it at all.

I've lost weight easily since being on the pump and my blood sugars have been better then ever. It's made my life so much easier and I just wish I had made the switch sooner.