Desperate daghter

[Panchai]

I am very new to this forum. I am in the medical field so I know a good amount about diabetes. My mom has been suffering from it for about the last 15 years. She does not take care of it very good at all. She is 51 years old. She is almost completely blind. They say they can do no more surgery on her eyes. She is about to be on dialysis. We go every 3-6 months for blood work and they said to prepare for it. She has already had one leg amputated because of infection. She has had a quad bypass and has already been told by another dr that she needs to go back to cardiologist. Her neuropathy is very bad. She doesn't have much feeling left. And no feeling in her foot. This has been the last 5 years. She done great for few years. BS in the low 100s-mid 200s which is very good for her. But this last year she is not takeing meds again and not watching what she is eating. She was recently admitted to the hospital for BS of 634. O I should probably also add that she has a ulcer on her only foot that is not healing. They released her 2 days later BS was 210. It wasn't even 24 hours and she had it back up to 380. I am so stressed and I have my health problems too. And they get worse with stress! So my question is.... Does anyone have any advice? I do not know where to start looking for what is out there or available. I don't know my option or even where to start looking for options. Please!!! I have to do something because my mother is killing herself and I want/need her here with me as I start my family! I get confused on the forums and stuff so I want to include my email also. It's sarah.l.***@**** Thank you in advance everyone!

[robinlove]

Do you mean all that is around them is convenience stores? If so that is really rough.
Is it just her and her boyfriend that live there? or do they have neighbors?  I was thinking maybe she could have someone do the shopping?  Is your mom able to cook? If so why not do it with her?  You are taking on a huge responsibility. Have you thought of someone, a friend, or husband to help in this chore?  You may want to get some recipes that are diabetic friendly.  I have to tell you lasagna isn't always the best. It has a huge amount of carbohydrates which (depending on how much one eats) can make the #'s soar.  There are ways of changing recipes to make them better for her.  I really agree with your decision I would have to do the same thing.   I admire you very much too. If you want help with recipes I am sure I can, along with others help you make them better for her.  
You are one hell of a daughter.  
I don't know her situation and it's not my business. I am talking about finances.  Does he qualify for food stamps?   I still would call social services to see what she help she can get.
    Please take care of your own health. Sometimes when we are caring for someone we forget about us. I hope you can take some you time too.
    If you had a daughter I would say you are one in a million.
Robin

[Panchai]

the past couple of days I have been thinking hard about my options and listening to other people and have come up the decision to enjoy her the best I can for as long as I can. Everyone is right that she has to want to do it herself. She says she does and that she just forgets but I know she just gets tired of it and then lets it go for days before she relizes she let it go to long. I know alot of her trouble is that she doesn't have the proper groceries. She has no way of going to the store really, and they live off commadities which are mostly junk food. She lives so far away but I'm going to try to come up with some good recipes that I can make for her and she can freeze and cook them later on. Like lasagna and stuff. Then maybe I can go there every couple weeks. Its alot on me but I don't know anyone where she lives. Atleast that should give me some ease knowing that atleast some of the time se has something healthy to eat. I think now its to the point that I have to put myself at as much ease as possible. I really wanna thank you for takeing the time to hear my story and give advice. It really helped even if it didn't seem like much. I'll step in and figure something out when the times comes that she really is unable to care for her self. Right now she is able just not doing it. Thanks so much again!

[robinlove]

To be honest it sounds like you may not be able to help her. That does sound harsh I know.  Your right authorities have to be contacted.   You could call the landlord about the roaches. I am only assuming that she isn't the only one with them.  
Probably the only thing you can do is call social services and explain what is going on.  If she won't take her meds she can't be forced. Even in a psychiatric hospital  they can't force a person to take them.  I know your trying to help her, but it is doubtful that she wants help.  It is very sad.  She really has her plateful of health issues. Does she get state health insurance? Are you her power of attorney? If not (POA)  nobody legally is allowed to give you her information. If she is declared unfit to care for herself she may be put into a place that can watch her better. Maybe she is unable to care for herself. I wish I had better answers.  I would call the health dept. too.  You don't have to use your name at first.  They may be able to help.  It sounds like you need to detach yourself from her at least some. It isn't doing you good is it?

[Panchai]

Thanks for your kind words. Yes she is manic depressive bipolor with a slight split personality disorder. She done real good but she is surrounded by people that are as bad health as her if not worse and they do not care either. She is married but the guy she lives with does not do anything either. He is bad in health. She stays on top of him about his meds though. She is on meds for her mental health but she does not take them meds either. I do understand that she has to want to do it for herself and that I can not force her but I have to do something for myself too. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is where I start looking for assistance for her. Like I know where I live there is stuff like Meals on Wheels, and home health already comes in and suposably cleans but she is geting cockroachs real bad. Would it be like churchs that I would call or like the security office or something? I just have to go through the motions of doing everything I can to ease my mind. I have 3 other siblings but they have all stoped talking to her. I just can't do that though.

[robinlove]

Hi  I am so sorry that your mom seems to maybe not care about her health.
Could she be depressed? I mean severely?  I just turned 50 today and to think she is only 1 year older is so sad. I am not always the best with my eating but I try. I want to live.   It sounds almost like she is giving up.  Will she go on a computer? There are so many support groups online. Even this forum is very helpful.   Does she live alone? If not and is on insulin can't someone else give it to her?  I feel your frustration!!!    This is hard to say but if your mom doesn't care she can't be forced.  I would however have her seen by a mental health pro. who specializes in working with people who have severe health problems.   Please keep in touch, if you'd like to (:   I wish I had the answers for you.
hugs