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Avatar universal

A mess up lost me the best guy.

Over a year ago I was out riding around town with my best friend. Her boyfriend and his sister came to hangout. His sister was going down a bad path for her life at the time and was really struggling in church where we all went and at home where she was causing much pain to her family. I rode in her car to get air in her tire while her brother and my friend rode around town to talk (they were dating). By accident I left my purse in his car and couldn't get into my car so I had to sit with his sister and wait on them to get to the meeting spot so me and my friend could go back home. We talked about our friends and she asked me about a friend of mine who recently come out of the closet I told her of course I was still her friend and when she asked if I had thought about liking her or any girl I quickly said no. My boyfriend did not like this girl and knew a lot more about her than me at the time I was just being a friend. She asked me if I had ever thought about liking a girl &I told me kissing a girl was way different feeling than kissing a boy. I said I wouldn't know &I I would never go up and kiss my friend or tell them I like them (I said this awkwardly I was ready to leave) it was a cold October maybe early November and I didn't want to stand by my car in the cold since I was locked out. Then My friend texted me and said they were pulling up any moment I told the girl where they were and that we had to go and she said "F*** it" and kissed me. I had my eyes open and didn't know what to think so I pushed her back from me slowly and looked away she said "there" I said nothing but an uncomfortable laugh.

I decided I wouldn't tell anyone. I knew she was having a lot of trouble with her personal life and I didn't want to be the girl who made it worse seeing how I was new in my own relationship and getting to know the family and the church family. I didn't want a scene. This was a Saturday. I texted her and told her I wouldn't say anything bc I didn't want trouble and that I thought about it& I didn't want to hangout and I didn't want  that to ever happens again. She apologized and we didn't speak. The following Monday my boyfriend found out at school and went irate he went to her house and threatened to hit her he read her messages and she told him I wanted it. He's very strong in his emotions and called me while I was at school. I left school ASAP and went over to talk, we talked it out but he said it would always hurt which I understood but the kiss meant nothing and neither did she. As time we past she kind of went out of her way to be around me either to cause trouble or to maybe make it seem like she didn't want me to be uncomfortable that she wasn't going to try anything. She never tried anything again. But ever moment she was near me he got more and more mad. Especially the night after we had a ladies dinner when I had to give her a ride home bc I was going towards that way anyways.

So over a year later.. Just this weekend he broke up with me saying its for good. He told me he couldn't trust me over what happened and I was full of crap for my story and basically it was my fault and I wanted it to happen. He told me to remember I screwed us up and maybe we had a future but we would never know now. This is where I'm confused. I know it hurt him but for him to say I've "abused our relationship in the most sick and disrespectful way. Cheating on him with a girl"
I didn't have any feelings for this girl and never wanted to be around her again. I only want him and he is so very special to me. I know in my heart I would never find the love we had again if he really is gone for good.
I see him 2 days a week bc of church but I never know if he looks at me or not. I can't hold back my tears around him. He's breathtaking to me. I don't want it to be per for good. & I feel like he is living in the past and wrongfully holding this against me. Help..
2 Responses
Avatar universal
To add onto that. We have had great moments since the actual event a year ago. We have got very close emotionally and spent 5/7 days together every week just about for this past year. His family has even told me if it never works they still love me and couldn't imagine their lives without me. He has told me since the event he wanted to marry me and we've talked about our future together. We look at colleges together and took senior pics together. I'm so confused on why he's doing this now
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Welcome.  I'm very sorry you've gone though a break up and have such hurt over it.  All I can say is that he's ended it.  He stated his reasons and even though they don't make sense to you, they do him.  You will maybe never fully understand but it is what it is.  

I had a friend that had a boyfriend she adored.  He had a fantasy of a threesome.  He talked about it all the time.  He kind of wanted to have one with her and another girl they knew.  It happened!  After a year, he broke up with her and part of the reason why was because he couldn't envision marrying and having kids with a woman that had had sex with a girl!  Like, how unfair is that?  But he is choosing his life mate and knew that he wasn't going to get past that sexual encounter.  So, he broke it off.  Right or wrong, he was doing what was best for him.

So, my suggestion is to let it go as best you can and accept that he's ended it.  Begin the process of trying to heal and move on.  peace
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