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1220347 tn?1345428521

Advice on coping with a break up?

Pretty much what the title says. I need some advice on coping with a break up.
4 Responses
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134578 tn?1642048000
If it was your idea, it will be easier to cope than if it was the other person's idea.

The one thing that helped me when I was sort of the victim of a breakup (in other words, when I received it rather than dished it out) was to realize I'd been living in dreamland in the first place -- things weren't as good as all that but I had just blinded myself to reality and was in love with the image in my mind of us as so sweet a couple.  When I realized that the reality of us as a couple was me calling him on the phone and him immediately saying "I can't talk long," I had to face that it was no longer the loving relationship (that I had been kidding myself that it was) and it really hadn't been in existence that way for a long while.  I had created a fantasy of what it was and fallen in love with the fantasy.

That makes it sound like it would be more confusing to get over that relationship, but it in fact helped.  It's not so hard to shake off some dumb fantasy one has invented, once you realize that is all it was.  I sure wasn't going to waste time crying over my lost fantasy if it was just an invention of my own.

Good luck, honey.  I think you'll do fine.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi.  Break ups are always hard and it takes time to heal.  Give yourself some time.

I think it helps to distract yourself.  Get busy.  Lots of folks will take up a new hobby or start pursuing an old one again.  Get together with friends whenever possible to do anything and everything you can.  This is kind of hard as it can bring back memories or make us think about doing those things with your ex, but if you try to stay in the moment when you are doing them, it helps.  Having a good friend or two that understands what you are going through helps and talking to them helps release some of the feelings.  

I always would want exercise in the mix as this is important for our overall health and mental health as well.  It releases the brain's natural "happy pill" and can make us feel better.  It is also something that can be a great social outlet as well.  A running or walking group is great to join, a health club is awesome too if you can afford it.  (check, some employers will have benefits to help cover dues.)  Group fitness classes are a good way to meet others and socialize.  

Volunteer.  This sounds strange, I know.  But volunteering has great psychological benefit.  

You can keep a journal to write down all of your feelings about the relationship and how you feel on any given day.  

But time will heal.  Give it time.  good luck
Helpful - 0
1220347 tn?1345428521
Thank you both for your advice. AnnieBrooke, you are right. In reality it couldn't have worked out. Thank you for helping me realize that. And specialmom, although most of those things I can't do due to a lack of friends, some I can, and I'll get working right on them.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, well . . . making friends can be part of your effort.  I've made friends by doing things like signing up for a book club at a local book store.  Joining a church group such as a bible study.  Volunteering in some young professional groups.  Joining a political campaign.  People that I've met in a health club.  I just try to chat with people and when you see them often enough, you get friendly and then can do things together.  Taking a minor step out of our comfort zone can help us expand our horizons.  good luck
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