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Divorce & Breakups Community
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760862 tn?1243097304

Am I being too mean to him???

My husbands family hates me, he had never believed me when i told him what happened and what they would say and do to me, he would tell me that they are all talk and i need to just forget it and block them out.  but not once has he ever picked up for me. than his mom mailed a handwritten letter for his birthday 4 years ago and said alot of bad things about me to him and he didn't say anything to her but hadn't talked to her for 4 years and now she is in the hospital 6 hours away and his sister called and they want him at the hospital, it is not life threatening and he jumps all over me and tells me that if it wasn't for me he would be around his family and his mom.   i never told him not to be around them i just asked that he would pick up for me.  well, i told him i was tired of his family being a thorn in my side and i cant live like this anymore and he needs to choose, if he goes i am done and he needs to stay gone and if he stays than he needs to be with me an pick up for me when they do things and say things to me and we got into a big fight, i cried myself to sleep and he was saying ugly things to me, like quit your DA*( crying there is nothing to cry about among other things and I just can't take it anymore.  i dont want to be without him but i cant live like this anymore, i woke up crying and in a panick and wondering if he was coming home or what.  I am an attorney by trade so i texted his phone and told him i would type up divorce papers and he could sign them and that would be it and he said why, i told him that i couldnt live like this anymore, i was in a really bad accident and almost died i am still healing and am in no frame of mind or body to have to deal with stress like this and i told him that he can sign them and pack his stuff and leave and i didnt want to see him or have anything to do with him ever again.  i am done i cant deal with this, i am to emotional right now, my eyes are sore and swollen and i am just shaking and thinking awful thoughts and panicking and crying and hurting and i just dont know any more i cant go on like this any more.  need help i cant do this anymore.......
montanagurl
5 Responses
755829 tn?1246919225
Always remember that it's ok to cry, and if you feel like crying go for it, your husband should stick up for you and should find a medium between, his family and you.  It's certainly not your fault that he can't be around his family.  Maybe divorce is a little premature at this stage? Maybe try a separation and see how you both deal with it?
801530 tn?1242314574
im so  sorry for you,i can empathise with you  totally, when i  first met  my now ex husband his family were a bit distant, but  I thought  it was because they  were trying to work me  out for themselves!! His mother and  his youngest  sister were so jealous of me it was untrue,they used to  go out  of their way  to  cause trouble  in our relationship. His sister  used to sit and cry in  the  pub and say to people she (me) isnt gonna  marry my brother  because I love him!! etc .

Do you  really feel  that  this is the final  thing with  you  and your  husband? he did  like you  say  ,not  have any  contact with  them  for four years after the  letter  he recieved from his mother!! he  probaly feels so  torn  right now, because  he  loves you  and  he wants to make sure (even though no ones gonna die) for  his  own piece  of mind that  his  mum is  ok! and  maybe  once he knows he will then be able to  decided whats  best  to do,  concerning you  and  his  family!! If that makes sense !!! but  i  also  think if enough is enough and you  feel in your  hearts  of  hearts you  cant take anymore maybe you  should try  some  kind  of mediation, or then leave or file for divorce if you  cannot resolve matters!! good  luck  hunny
Avatar universal
Ultimatums will come back to bite you in the butt.  You cannot, nor should not tell a man if he goes to c his mom, keep going.  You  give him no out.  When you marry someone, you marry the whole family.  I think you are experiencing what I mean. Your hubby loves you and his family. Do you not love your hubby as well as your family. Sugar will get you more than vinegar.
Avatar universal
i agree with teko. this ultimatum is going to bite you and probably bite you hard. that is one thing i would never do to hubby is make him choose between me and his family. i might be his wife...but that's his mother/father/brother/nana/grandma....etc etc etc. those are people who he has known his entire life.

even though they're mean to you (hubby's grandma and aunts are VERY mean to me. in fact when i was pregnant with our sons they told me i was a fat heffer) but they're still his family. remember saying i do after hearing the for better or worse? guess what....they're the worse. and again like teko said....you don't just marry the person....you're marrying the entire family.
571337 tn?1233258297
Hi, I am not sure how long you have been married?  Yet, I do believe that a marriage should, now, I did say "should", be 100% and 100%.  Meaning, If you are suffering,
He should think of your well being.  Seems to me he is thinking he has to choose?
Well, I know this is difficult.  I had an ex we were married 30 yrs.  He began to act mean, and put everyone first.  I know it is Okay to cry.  You are not the mean one here,
sweetheart.  There is pain, deep down, and if he can not nor will not go with you to marriage counseling?  That will show you if he is "For" you!  Keep your chin up.  Men love it when they think they have won!  You have a good head on your shoulders.  Look at the situation, as if "It is Not you, "  and someone else?  What advice would you give?
Just a thought.  Blessings to you, Lahayle53
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