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Can't Move On-After 10 Years
My first love became my partner and a father when we were teens. We divorced 5 years later. It has been 10 years and even through me having more children and both of us being remarried, I can't get over him. I regret the divorce, I regret not trying after the divorce when he wanted me back. And now he has moved on. He says he is happy but yet he has so much anger at me. I have tried everything I can think of to get over him but nothing works. Any suggestions? I have dreams regularly of us being happy again and back together, I stay depressed over this, and love him so much. It is a horrible thing to love someone that doesn't love you back.
I'm in the same situation I have 3 children to my ex he cheated on me and abused me physically and mentally but we have been split for 11 yrs now and I can't be with anyone else, I no this sounds strange but I tried again with my first love for about 1 yr but couldn't feel anything for him I've been single ever since. I suffer with depression and anxiety and I keep dreaming of us being together as a family unit and his cheating is driving me crazy I'm crying all the time, I don't understand why
1 Comments
Hi lally34. I'm so sorry you are going through this terrible time. I actually think you are doing the right thing to not date or be with another man at this time. First, you have your kiddos to raise and second, you still are suffering from this abusive relationship. Can you see a therapist? Have you gotten treatment for your depression and anxiety? hugs
It's very difficult to forget your first love . The sad part is we realize the value of what we have lost only after its no more with us . Honestly there is no point in thinking about the what ifs .Regrets are pointless and only make moving on more difficult. I'm sure there would be some reason why you parted ways with your husband. I'm afraid you have no choice but to come to terms with the reality that he has moved on .
I read this and I can tell you I really think if you are not allready you need to talk to a psychologist and a psychaitrist. One for the medicine and the other for counseling. I am guessing you may have delt with an LPC.
The grass is never greener on the other side. Like you said every man has their good points and bad. Same with women. Relgiously you should also consider talking to a priest (given your religion statement I am going to guess you are catholic). They will help you with the marriage part. This will help if you both are religious.
The reegret you are feeling is possibly something related as you have pointed out the anxiety and drepression. Both of which you need to get under control. I think you know this and sense it.
You will need to learn to let go. This will come in time in working with a good psychologist and not a LPC. The big thing I think you need to focus on right now is getting your mental state taken care of then work on the emitonal state. Regretting things now isn't going to fix it and nor will it get you past this. You made the choice to leave your ex husband. Sadly it was a bad choice. He has moved on and there is more then likely no looking back.
You are in a marriage. It has some problems you need to work with your husband to fix them. That is another priority if you ask me. Dwelling on the past will not move you to the future it will only keep you in the past wanting something you won't get.
The grass is never greener on the other side. Like you said every man has their good points and bad. Same with women. Relgiously you should also consider talking to a priest (given your religion statement I am going to guess you are catholic). They will help you with the marriage part. This will help if you both are religious.
The reegret you are feeling is possibly something related as you have pointed out the anxiety and drepression. Both of which you need to get under control. I think you know this and sense it.
You will need to learn to let go. This will come in time in working with a good psychologist and not a LPC. The big thing I think you need to focus on right now is getting your mental state taken care of then work on the emitonal state. Regretting things now isn't going to fix it and nor will it get you past this. You made the choice to leave your ex husband. Sadly it was a bad choice. He has moved on and there is more then likely no looking back.
You are in a marriage. It has some problems you need to work with your husband to fix them. That is another priority if you ask me. Dwelling on the past will not move you to the future it will only keep you in the past wanting something you won't get.
Well part of the problem is I have anxiety/depression, severely. I think that plays a big role no matter who I am with. My current marriage is a long story, had I been mentally well, I don't think I would have ever married him. He isn't the worst person in the world, he has some good qualities, but there just isn't that bond or love there like with my first. Both men have there good and bad points, as with any man. Part of it is my religious beliefs as well, I don't really believe in divorce even though at the time I wanted it because I thought "the grass was greener", now I know that is far from the truth. I have so much regret for the past 10 years. I've tried counceling and even medicine, but nothing takes away the emotional pain, the regret, the broken heart. My ex and I tried counceling, but I wanted out. He tried getting me back a few times, I refused. Then when I wanted him back a few years later, he refused. Because of our 2 children, I talk to him almost daily, which doesn't help.
Knowing your husband that short of a time was not an ideal reason and way to get married BUT none the less you married him.
What is wrong with the marriage if you don't mind my asking? Is it because you are wishing he was your ex-husband and he is not?
When I went through my divorce it wasn't what I wanted sadly. I wanted things to eventually work. I tried to go to thearpy with her etc. I wanted her to come home so bad and be with me. Well she came home but it wasn't to come live it was to clean her stuff and leave. *****. She filled for divorce and left it be at that. When we are the ones caught off guard we try and try and get no where we eventually have to move on. Which is the case. I moved on. Before I moved from the city I was in I called her and talked to her. She was crying because she had no money she was hospitialized because of blood clotting diease etc. All I could tell her at that point was I moved on and while I felt for her and hated hearing her cry she made a decision and she had to live with it. She didn't make it seem like she wanted to be back with me but none the less. If she did I would have said sorry.
We don't ever stop really loving someone without a big enough reason. Trust is one such reason. In this case you have to remember that you are going to have to let go. Because if you don't you will not ever move on and be able to truly love another person.
As you know marriages are tough. They don't come with an operators manual just like women and children don't. If you love someone you have to lay it all out and do whatever has to be done. I love my girlfriend to death. I would take a bullet for her and give her my heart in order for her to live. If I get married to her I have to forget my ex wife and love the only one that ones me.
Yes I still check on my ex-wife. I look at her myspace and Facebook to see if shes okay. There are days I wish we were back together. I have even had dreams about her. But deep down I know the marriage is over and its time to move on. What helped me the most was talking to a conselour about things. I would suggest that you look into that route.
What is wrong with the marriage if you don't mind my asking? Is it because you are wishing he was your ex-husband and he is not?
When I went through my divorce it wasn't what I wanted sadly. I wanted things to eventually work. I tried to go to thearpy with her etc. I wanted her to come home so bad and be with me. Well she came home but it wasn't to come live it was to clean her stuff and leave. *****. She filled for divorce and left it be at that. When we are the ones caught off guard we try and try and get no where we eventually have to move on. Which is the case. I moved on. Before I moved from the city I was in I called her and talked to her. She was crying because she had no money she was hospitialized because of blood clotting diease etc. All I could tell her at that point was I moved on and while I felt for her and hated hearing her cry she made a decision and she had to live with it. She didn't make it seem like she wanted to be back with me but none the less. If she did I would have said sorry.
We don't ever stop really loving someone without a big enough reason. Trust is one such reason. In this case you have to remember that you are going to have to let go. Because if you don't you will not ever move on and be able to truly love another person.
As you know marriages are tough. They don't come with an operators manual just like women and children don't. If you love someone you have to lay it all out and do whatever has to be done. I love my girlfriend to death. I would take a bullet for her and give her my heart in order for her to live. If I get married to her I have to forget my ex wife and love the only one that ones me.
Yes I still check on my ex-wife. I look at her myspace and Facebook to see if shes okay. There are days I wish we were back together. I have even had dreams about her. But deep down I know the marriage is over and its time to move on. What helped me the most was talking to a conselour about things. I would suggest that you look into that route.
I knew my current husband 3 months when we married. I just wanted someone to love me, it has ended up being a nightmare of a marriage for 6 years now.
1 Comments
If you really mean that it's a nightmare all the time, and you want out of the marriage, what's stopping you from separating? Is it children, or fear of what happens next, or something else?
I can share your feeling on this. Its hard to get over my divorce as well. But I think about the things that are now important in my life. My ex-wife isn't one of them. I have to commit fully to my current girlfriend and remember how she makes me feel. I think you need to look at your heart and see why you married the husband you are with. Life is now no longer about the ex-husband it is about the current husband. Committing to him fully is what you need to do and know that the previous husband and you will not and can't get back together.
You may also want to seek out a counselor to work with you on this. I know that it is tough but you will never truly get over the person no matter what anyone says. You will always have feelings for someone you truly loved and had lost.
You may also want to seek out a counselor to work with you on this. I know that it is tough but you will never truly get over the person no matter what anyone says. You will always have feelings for someone you truly loved and had lost.
1 Comments
My marriage broke up 10 years ago too. I have had a couple of 2-month relationships but nothing remotely serious. Today I woke up from a jealous nightmare about my ex-wife. I'm not sure I'll ever get over her. She has moved on well and got a great new job.
The kids are doing well so that's great, and most likely the most important element to get right after a divorce. But I just can't move on.
The kids are doing well so that's great, and most likely the most important element to get right after a divorce. But I just can't move on.
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