Avatar universal

He says one more try, then if I mess up I want ask again. CAn I do it again?

I am inlove with an addicted man.   He had problems before. tthen 5 years clean.    But this time he is smoking crack.   i just can't believe it. He always was so againest it.  he has been to treatment.  But not long anoth.   Now I have been though so much.  him seeing things.  tring to hit poeple that is not there.  I just can't even give you a clue of the pain in my heart.  Afaird  for him.  But having to make him leave , for My kids & I to feel sfe.  He  is not him.  The drugs has got him.  He is done again for three weeks to clean up again.  which I am so glad.  I just hoee he comes back stronger.  Because , I am going to put back money and get out if not. Always hes ays he does not want it.  when will it stop.   i don't know if he will get bettter or be dead or what.  but I think I am going to loss it if things don't change.  Thank God he is gone for two  othree weeks.    Please  pray for Kevin to get better.  My oldest daughter does n
t want him back here  at all.   it has been hard and still is.  i feel like part of me is dead.  i do'n't  know where my husband is  in his mind.  he knows he is lost, and wants out.  Then the next thing doing it again, and not caring  it he tuck all the money  or not.   He is hurting me so much.  I am always here to clean up and take care of every thing  while  he does to get help.  Which I want him bettter.  But it is not fare. I am in so much sorrow , he does care abou tus  all he cares about is his drugs.  But  every once in a while he breaks sown and wants to be him again.  We  have evrything together , an 12 years  of marriage.  i do not know how to be single.  I done ever pay attaction to other men.      the is long enough, i just thought if I wrote  i could leave some of this pain on the paper.  I was always a happy person.  My joy is hiding.
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Avatar universal
Remember, that one has to really want to quit before, he can even try, and 3 weeks, is not long enough, to really get it out of you system, so to speak,I have known many people addicted to this stuff, and it is hard, but it can , be done, if they try hard enough,Do you think that if you told him up front, i am taking the kids, and am going somewhere for 3 weeks, and you stay off of the stuff, the three weeks, would that give him the incenitive to quit for good,, as no children shoud have to live this kind of life.. as long as you keep putting up with it, he will always talk you into staying. try, and think of your children, I know that this hurts you, but i do wish you lots of luck.  , jo
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Avatar universal
you are right.  three weeks is not long.   i did leave until he left town, and then I came home.   Thank you for  your advice.   i am just tired.    And my kids come first.  
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484465 tn?1532214032
You said yourself that he is not himself.  Concern yourself with you and the kids.  Until he becomes himself again (by whatever means or for however long it takes), he should be removed from your lives.
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475129 tn?1213796513
I feel for you and pray that your family and you are protected from the impact of his addiction.
You need to remember few things to begin with:
- Addiction is a disease. It has no cure but it can be controlled with careful and lifelong hard work.
- Having said this, there is a definite process in place which is helping millions like your husband.
- The same system has support strategy and hope for the relatives and dependents of the  user.
- Remaining clean is different from recovery. Former is temporary. latter is a process which keeps you away as long as you remain in recovery. This is the most difficult part to understand but easy to administer.

Now few steps to start the solution aspect:
- Do not feel guilty for his condition. In fact, make sure that you become selfish for your personal and family needs of security and peace of mind.
- Let him know the boundaries while letting him know too that his problem is his alone and his bankruptcy cant be rubbed off on to you.
- Get your self a life outside of his concerns. Include a plan for your daughter too.
- Do not, repeat: Do Not become a football of his tantrums. He will manipulate you in various ways. Including promises. No promise is valid till he registers himself for a rehab programme.
- I will remain in touch in case needed but as self help, get your into a productive and if possible socially beneficial vocation. The rub-off of his disease can only be countered with basic value led lifestyle by the victim of the addict.
- Do not try to control him. You can't. Nor can you depend upon temporary tactics like hiding his stuff etc. Let him be. Only he can help himself and he will; the moment he hits any of the bankruptcies: social, mental, economic, moral or health.

I will pray for you and your daughter, sister.

God speed
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for such great advice .  And surport.  I willl try to stay on task.

                                                   God Bless
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Avatar universal
I had an ex BF who was an alcoholic and addicted to crack. I loved him and I tried everything I could to help him..but ya know what? He didn't want it bad enough. That's why he's my ex.

Addiction is a progressive disease. It only gets worse without treatment. His personality is already changing and that is a very dangerous sign...he is not the man you love when he's on this **** and the fact that he's hallucinating is very disturbing. He could mistakenly hurt you or the kids because he's not in his right mind.

Honestly, I could write forever about my experiences with this drug...

Your main priority is YOU AND YOUR KIDS NOT HIM. Please understand how dangerous of a situation this is. My ex was a very mild man with a lot of patience and one day I caught him smoking that **** and he went crazy and attacked me pretty bad by punching, choking and body slamming me to the point that I lost consiousness. It truly was only by the Grace of God that I got away from him---his eyes were dead.

I think you have proven to him that you love him and supported him. Now it's his turn to prove to YOU that he is worthy of YOU...and if he can't then you have to do what ya gotta do. Good luck to you.
Helpful - 0
475129 tn?1213796513
You are welcome.
Let me share with you & in the process, with all those who read this:
After I found out that my teenage son was addicted to marijuana and could have graduated sooner, I did a lot of research (and crying).
During this period, I managed two things:
1) A complete insight into the disease and victims
2) A resolve that I will be available on priority to anybody across the world in case he/she needed help related to addiction of any kind.

So please consider me your friend and never hesitate to reach me for any help or you may reach me even when you are not expecting a reply (to share without the fear of my being judgmental.

Love you all
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