How to deal with my useless husband and wicked Mother-in-law

[nickybang16]

I have been married since a year and a half. My husband and my MIL were too good in the beginning. i felt as if i am the most luckiest person as it was a second marriage for both of us and a quite late one. But slowly my mother in law started poisoning my husband that i dn't value him and since i am more educated than him, i always try to boss on him. Morevover, though i am working woman, i am not allowed to spend money for my own comforts. MIL is totally superstitious  and believes in lot of blind faiths. She stopped talking to me without any reason 8 mths back. Refused to touch food that i cooked and made my husband cook for her right in front of me. She got operated and i was nt informed. My husband has no guts to say anything to her. He is totally mama's boy. After a certain point of time, i ws so frustrated that i tried commiting suicide. After that I was driven out of house through false talks and nw they want me to giv in writing that whatever i did  was my fault and they are no where involved. I am staying seperately since last two mnths. My parents were called and there was a heated argument where lot of things were said. I love my husband and called him and agreed to all his conditions but still he is nt ready giving any clear ans. I spoke to my MIL and apologised but she bad-mouthed me. Please guide me what to do?

[saayantini]

I think you should try to be mentally strong and simultaneously detach your feelings with him. When you will be able hate him completely then just move on. Staying with such a crap will be a harm to your self respect, and it will also affect your children. Trust me these guys will never change. They will always support their mother. Just be strong

[laiba_adi]

I m going through exactly same

[nickybang16]

Rosy,

its too late now, i really love him a lot and cant bear to go away from him, even if he hurts me. He wants me to hate him. I am not sure what he wants?

[ROSYouralright]

I stick with what I said originally!! MOVE ON AND CUT YOUR LOSSES!! why stay with someone who clearly doesn't give a rats butt about you and your feelings? Don't let him do you this way... In the end he will realize his mistake when he's so lonely BC all he has is his mother!! She's not being a good parent or person either... Sounds like they deserve each other but YOU deserve better... Walk away with your dignity.

[nickybang16]

I adhered to all wishes of my husband and am back with him. But he is not ready to have physical relations with me. He indulges himself in online chatting sites and this has been going on since long. What to do?

[specialmom]

It sure does make things difficult doesn't it when it feels like we have someone working against us.  marriage is hard enough without that!

[hema_fighting]

Nicky,

I too m undergoing same kind of phase in life.I dont know why this MIL act this wild and spoil our lives.We are educated,working still they make us helpless in all ways,if we dont subordinate them.
I know its truely difficult to do with mama's kids.They are physically grown up but mentally totally immatured.
Dont give anything in writing.I can understand the pain u r undergoing with their bad mouth.You can seek law's help.file RCR-Restoration of conjugal rights-in court.It might take some time.But surely would benifit in your favour

[specialmom]

Ahh.  I hope it works out hon.  The advice I gave hopefully will help the situation.  peace and come back and let us know how it goes.  :>)  good luck

[nickybang16]

Thanks, for your guidance. I hope i will win back his love n affection. I am trying to talk to him. He talks to me but not very warmly which ofcourse I can understand. Bt I think he is ready to live wid me only bcoz his mother has agreed. I still hope that he will really realize hw much do I love him.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Gosh, I'm sure sorry for this situation. I know we enter into a marriage with the best of intentions and great hope that it will work out and we will be happy forever with that person.

So, you are saying you love him and wish it could work out.  I hear ya.  I think we owe it to try really hard when we are married to fix things.  Sadly, sometimes it can be fixed and sometimes it can't and it isn't always in our control.

You ask what to do.  Well, I would try to set up a time to have a heart to heart conversation with him.  Why do you think it went so bad?  it wasn't always like this and you say you got along with his mother early on---  so what happened to change this if anything?

when you talk to him, do not call his mother wicked.  While that may or may not be true, no one wants to have their parent called names.  Instead, talk about your hurt.  Talk about how you'd like to get along.  You don't need to be best friends but to be cordial and you are willing to try for that.  Ask him what happened if you are unsure to cause her to feel so negatively about  you.  Then tell him how you've felt when these things have occurred in your relationship.  

Perhaps really opening up will help.  Not arguing but talking calmly.  

DO include your boundaries of his mother and expectations of him as your husband.  Allow him to voice the same for you.  

I don't agree with never talking to them again.  Unrealistic because you are married and if you love him, you can try to work this out.  It may or may not but you walk away knowing you tried.  

If he refuses to meet with you, it sounds like you are at your parents.  At that point, get legal counsel on divorce.  

But I do hope that you are able to meet so you can at least get some closure on this.  

Again, so sorry.  I know it hurts.  peace and let us know how it goes.  

[BluCrystal]

STOP ACTING LIKE A RUG TO BE WALKED ALL OVER.  You don't deserve this crap.  Tell them to shove off about writing any stupid letter.  Stop talking to them.  Get these toxic people out of your life.  I understand you love your husband, but is your love worth all of THIS???  I doubt it.  You are a beautiful person who deserves to be treated with RESPECT.  If anyone bad-mouthed me in front of my husband, family or not, they better have running shoes on.  He won't tolerate it, just as I will not tolerate anyone badmouthing him.  We have both said some nasty things to people who wanted to get ignorant with us in the past.  It seems to knock them down a peg or three when they see that you will STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.  Blessings - Blu