please stop and think,you have a life in front of you,and because your husband choose to walk out not only on You but children no matter if they are grown,my marriage lasted for 20 years,i was scare ,he always manage the money,it was hard at first but with my moms help,and my sons,we made it,i am 49 and am fixing to retire,my ex-husband wanted me back but i said no,please don,t give in or up,Pixie
It's been my experience that when the problem is grief + mad, the part that makes it stick and be so confusing is the mad part. It gets masked by the sad part, but it makes the sad part stay a long time in an irrational and confusing way. (You find yourself walking in circles and not knowing if it is Tuesday and crying all the time and yelling "Why? Why? Why?" -- you're visibly sad and anguished and not feeling it so much as anger, the anger lies low but it is there fueling the crazy behavior.) When the anger comes out and you see how damn mad you are, and how furious it makes you that life treated you so unfairly when you didn't deserve it, when you really shout in pure rage at all the things that make you so mad about this, then the sadness cloud will lift enough that you can see you are not in fact a crazy person after all and not doomed to a life where you are crying every night and unable to function. Before you do anything so drastic as you are talking about, try one thing. Go into a place where you can yell, yell, yell, take something to destroy (or several things) and write your husband's name on one and the word "debt" on another and all the issues, and then yell and just yell at each one and knock them to bits. (I know a friend who did this with firewood and an axe.) Did you ever see the great scene in Steel Magnolias when Sally Field starts to tell her friends how she feels about her daughter dying? She gets some advice she feels is unhelpful about her daughter being in heaven now, and she just starts. She starts crying and raging and saying she just wants to hit someone so they will feel as bad as she does, and Olympia Dukakis grabs Shirley MacLaine and shoves her forward and yells "Hit her! Hit her!" It's such a good scene, partly because it is funny but also because Sally Field just nails it, that combination of grief and rage. Try anger, it is your friend. It will help you come through this and see that even divorce, even bills, and even bankruptcy really are not enough to take a good person out. There IS life after all those things, a good life.
Some people, once set off into a rage of anger can't control it until something very bad happens. That being said, anger can get you into a lot of trouble. Nothing good comes from it. I am going through it now myself and have learned to control it and even let some of it go.
You need to go talk to someone and try and sort things out one day at a time. People that decide that they want to leave a marriage for whatever reason they come up with need to realize that there will be some responsibilities still left upon them. Unfortunately, most are just looking for the easy way out and find out later on that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
The bills will work out one way or the other.
BTW: Karma is a b*tch and sometimes you will see it come to be right away and sometimes it takes some time. Whatever the case, it will come to be and you will be there to see it happen and feel a lot better about things the way they are.
Thank you all for your kind words, I am still here, trying to work through all this craziness and looking forward to when I can look back at this and laugh as people tell me I will
I have not gone and seen anyone professionally, just isn't something I am ready for, but I am looking forward to the next day hoping things will get easier
I am trying to look at this as a new door opening, just haven't been able to open that new exciting one yet - hopefully soon
I read your comments earlier,and jumped out of my skin when I read "I don't see any other way out of this pain"...I no you just want the pain to stop...but,please please think of your children, Iam a suicide survivor, my 16yr.old nephew who was like a son to me,took his own life,and the trail of dismay he left behind.....I no you want the pain to stop.but it is true when one door closes another opens, please have faith, things will get better....
Proverbs 3: 5-6. Read it and absorb it. Good Luck!!!