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Avatar universal

Is it over?

My GF and I were together for almost 4 years.  Infact the day before our 4 year anniversary we got into a little argument and over the phone she tells me she wants to take a break.  Of course I fought it but she was adament.  I pretty much followed the typical guy response and tried to get her back.  Consantly sending her emails/texts/facebooking, whatever i could think of.  Her responses were short and vague.  This took place in early november and I just haven't been able to grasp the situation.  I must say I never really saw this coming.  She was my best friend and never thought she would do this.  
    SInce the break up she has been running around with her friends just living the life.  Going out all the time and partying.  I have no clue if there are any guys in her life and I think i would rather not know.  This is completely out of character for her because all she ever wanted to do when we were together was just be alone.  She has completely changed roles.  I was always taught that if something was bothering you to talk about it or work it out.  She feels however to just run from it.  I probably should say though that i just recently graduated College and she still has a little time left.  We are in two different areas of life.  I am much further along in my life than she is.   She is still living in her sorority house and is only 22 where as im 26 and just bought a home.  Still though we were together for 4 years and it sitll hurts having the love of your life and best friend turn their back on you.  
     I guess what im asking is, if she hasn't contacted me at all without my intitiation of contat, is it over.  Meaning we've talked since the breakup but only because I initiated it.  I haven't talked/text/anything since newyears and now im starting to wonder if she's been done with this all along.  Any advice would be much appreciated
7 Responses
575741 tn?1235669754
Well I would stop messaging her first of all......for one your still young, she's young you have seperate lives...move on. It was very immature for her to run from the breakup rather than talking it out but if your initiating all the communication...this is a one sided thing...I personally feel it is over she's realized she's still young and maybe she wants to explore...But go out with the boys and try to enjoy yourself as much as you can....
Avatar universal
I think it is safe to say it is over. She has moved on and you should too. As hurtful as it is right now, you are better off. You obviously have yet to meet the right gal for you and if you think about it, that is very exciting! It will take you a while to get back in dating mode but once you do, you will not miss her anymore. Good luck.
648720 tn?1227637088
I can totally relate. I just went through the same thing little less than a year ago.  Same role as you.  I lived on my own and he was 4 hours away at school.  We never really fought except for the last 4 months really. Its kinda a long story but point is that he wasn"t ready and I was.  It blind sighted me because a month before he gave me the ok to start looking at wedding stuff! Ha well good thing I found out all this before we got married!  He wanted to get out and have fun, see other people, which i just found out recently that he did infact cheat on me which he lied about.  
It really hit me hard. I was confused and didnt know what to do. Loved him with everything. I started to go out more and reconnected with old friends. It wasnt easy. I went on a few dates but I just knew I wasnt ready, that I wasnt over it. With in the last month, month-in-half i finally feel that I am ok and over it.  I recently started dating someone, but there is still some hurt, because it is hard to love someone so much and lose them.  They say that it takes half the time you were together to truly get over them.
The best advice is to be patient. It does not happen over night, like i said its almost been a year and I just now in the last month have been able to date someone.  Slowly you will see the things that you were blind to because of the love you felt, and you will realize one day that it was really for the best.  I KNOW that is hard to think that right now, for 8 months I still thought we were ment to be together forever, that some way we would get back together.  The thing is it took me realizing I had given up so much and dealt with so much that I never thought I would put up with, so it was really for the best. Once you realize that it does get better. I'm not saying I never think about him, especially since we have the same friends and still see eachother every week to two weeks, so that didnt help.  But it DOES get better I promise, it will take time.  Also, i advise not to jump into another relationship because it isnt fair to you or the other person, you need time to get over it or else you never truely will.
Hope this helps
Avatar universal
You're probably not going to like what I'm about to say, but to be honest, I think it's over.  When a girl wants to take a break, it means she doesn't want to be with you.  I don't want to be harsh, but you just didn't satisfy her.  It happened to me too.  I think you should just move on, as hard as that may seem, it will save you time and stress, even though it may take a while to let go.  That's just my advice though, I don't know a lot about you two, so I may be wrong.  Good luck.
Avatar universal
I guess my next question is Is this just something women have to do?  I mean we dated since her FIRST semester of college all the way up to the semester before she graduates.   I just can't help but feel that i don't want it to be over.  I cared very much for her and did a lot for her.  I guess i just don't understand how ppl can do some of the things they do.  I couldn't have ever done what she did.  Turn my back on her and make her figure this out all on her own.  I have figured out that time really is the only thing that works, well that and a good supporting cast.  Good friends and family help ease the pain for sure.  The worst part of all this is i was going to propose in a few months (like 7 or 8 months from now) and since we've broken up i have had 11 friends get engaged.  Ugh  
Avatar universal
She's moved on......you need too....you're gonna make life very difficult for yourself if you keep thinking about her.  Pick up a new hobby, something to keep your time busy, and start dating again.  
Avatar universal
It is over.  You need to find another woman and start over.  Even if you only date someone else, it will make you feel better. Time will heal you and another love will help you also.  If you are a college graduate with your own house, there are a million ladies out there that would love to be your girl. Move on. Good luck.
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