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My husband wants a divorce because "I hate his family"

My husband and I have been married a little over 2 years. Very happy. Families got along great. He even took in my daughter at just 7 months old and has loved her unconditionally. We have a second daughter who is now 6 months old. So. When I was 9 months pregnant with our second, back in may 2017, his parents came down to stay. To be here for the birth. His mom wanted to stay a couple of weeks to help. I was very much okay with this, as his mother and I got along great. I've always enjoyed her visits. Well. There was a misunderstanding that was very insignificant. Basically, my daughter and I were napping, she woke up and wanted her daddy. I told her to go get him. She came back crying, said she was told not to wake him up...he was napping on the couch. She goes a second time. Same thing. Shortly after, he walks in and I ask him why she was told not to wake him up, and that it pissed me off. He talks to his mom about it. Turns out my daughter had tried to wake him up for juice, his mom told her not to wake him and that she would get it for her. Ok. No problem. I was simply upset because my baby was crying. Well, it turns out that his mom felt attacked. Like I was accusing her of being just mean and ugly to my daughter. Not true. But I didn't know that. She never spoke to me about it. She just started to ignore me and act very standoffish towards me. I felt uncomfortable in my own home. I opened up to my husband about it. He asked if I wanted her to leave after our daughter was born. I told him I wouldn't answer that question. I'm not going u say yes or no, to do what he thought would be best. So he told her she could leave...well I let it all go. Assumed it would dissolve, considering it was a silly misunderstanding. I was wrong. She held on to it. I didn't hear from her like I used to. She was still upset. And my husband began telling me I needed to say sorry, she felt attacked, I hurt her feelings....etc. totally acknowledging his mom's feelings, but not mine. Eventually he realized he needed to support me. We were good. I just still struggled with my feelings about his mom. On top of this, I'm having a hard time getting a job with my master's degree. Im at home all day with a baby, trying to keep everything in order, find a job, post partum. I'm becoming very overwhelmed. I start to lose my temper easily, but I always talk to my husband about it. Reach out. To which he gave constant support. I would yell at our oldest a lot more. She's 4. Not listening. Arguing with me a lot. I yell after repeated requests are ignored. But I never call her names or use verbal abuse. Just normal parent yelling! But he claims this is anger issues. And I have been struggling with depression so I set up to see a therapist. The day before I'm set to see her, he comes home from work and tells me he wants a divorce. Won't tell me why except that I hate his family and I get angry too easy. He leaves for 3 days. Shows up finally with his mom and dad. Tells me he wants to take my baby. My 6 month old baby to Arkansas to be with his parents for thanksgiving...meanwhile, our oldest, I've found out will need surgery. I tell him about this and all he says is "I'm sorry to hear that"...the little girl he once loved and adored with all his heart. He's being so cold. And so heartless...so he goes to Arkansas with our baby. But he isn't keeping in touch with me...he changed the password to our bank account. Hasn't cancelled my card. But I can't access the information. Which concerns me. I've always managed our money. I have all the log ins for our bills. I still have no explanation. No idea what he's doing. But he claims that I've always hated his family and they know it. This is so far from true. His mother and I had a disagreement and it's only been 5 months. He was always so warm and loving. Just the day before he did this, he was the same. Our texts were loving. "Can't wait to be home. I miss you. See you soon baby" nothing was off...but he came home and laid this on me. I'm so crushed. I love him more than I can say and I can't lose him. But I feel like there's nothing I can say or do to change his mind or fix this. I begged him to go to counseling with me. To work it out. To talk to me! He just stared at me like he hated my very existence. My daughter is so confused. She's 4. She's been crying for him. Saying she misses her sister. Keeps asking for them. And I don't know what to tell her. I'm so sad for her :( I'm sad for my family. What else can I do? I refuse to give up.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sweetie, this is rough.  You definitely need help for post partum.  I'd really focus on you right now.  You can't yell at little kids like it sounds like you are doing whether you call them names or not.  It's just too volatile for little ones to be around moods and angry outbursts.  Talk to your ob/gyn.  Counseling is good but you may need medication along with the talk therapy.  I'd treat this seriously.  

I wonder what his parents side of the story is.  I wish they hadn't been sent home.  That would be so embarrassing to travel out to stay for a birth and to help afterwards and then to be asked to change your plans.  You have to tell everyone why you are back early . . .  the parents didn't think I should be there anymore.  That would be humiliating and embarrassing.  But you were likely volatile then too and possibly over reacted.  And they sound like they over reacted.  And it was a bad mix.  

I'm not sure what you can do about your man.  I'd be concerned he's going to not bring your baby back.  He may try to make a case of your yelling as bigger than you see it and claim custody.  I'd speak to an attorney if you can.  

But to get him back, I think the best thing is to OWN the things that have gone on with you.  I'm depressed.  I'm stressed.  I have been over reacting, volatile and angry.  I have post partum.  And I'm getting help.  And then GO get that help.  Once you do that, maybe you can salvage things.  

I'm sorry about your older daughter's surgery and it is heart breaking to see our kids long for someone and suffer!  I hope he comes back to resume being a family.  It does seem heartless that he is just done and leaving her.  

You have a master's degree.  Now is the best time to figure out where you can find a job.  Work really hard on this too as that financial security for you is important.  

I hope this all works out. Hugs
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