My fiance and I broke up about a month ago. We still talk we still actually had hope for the future. Our relationship has always been really rocky and we knew we had problems. He moved out and has been doing his own thing, trying to "do me" as he puts it. He hangs out with girls and flirts and everything, but has said he hasn't been with anyone. I've avoided situations like that because I didn't want to do that or be there. Fast forward to this last weekend. Met a girlfriend and decided to go out dancing. At the end of the night I invited several people guys and girls back to my house for an after party. We drank until 7 am. I was flirting with someone and even somehow started talking about oral sex. I don't know why I went into my room with him. I didn't really want to do anything, I just liked the attention. Next thing I know my pants are off and he's on top of me. I told him over and over to stop that I didn't want to do this. All he kept saying was that it was ok. I continued to tell him to stop. I was even in tears, crying and begging him to stop, I open my eyes and he is staring at my face and in my eyes telling me, "it's ok baby girl, you're ok" It most definitely wasn't ok. For almost an hour he raped me, I even fell on the floor, where he made me understand that he was almost done, like it was going to be over soon. I know that I put myself in that horrible situation. But it didn't give him the right to violate me. I was so sick, he didn't leave my place for hours, like he was trying to make sure I wasn't going to report it, but continued to try and justify his actions. I did go to the ER for a rape kit, I don't know if I have the strength to press charges...but right now. All I can't think about is if I betrayed my ex fiance? Should I tell him what I went through? I'm afraid he is going to think that I put myself in that situation and that I'm damaged and he will never look at me the same, that he is just going to run. I don't know what to do. I really don't want anyone to know. I don't want people to look at me differently.