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Single & pregnant

Hello. I'm 21 yrs old and I make 6 weeks today. My partner left me a little before the big news. Even after I told him we were expecting, he says he wants no part to this baby or family. It's been hard coping with this kind of stress.  I don't know if I should keep fighting for our broken relationship for the sake of our love and for the sake of our family or should I just let him go entirely. HELP! Any suggestions??
2 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. This is a difficult situation hon.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  Sounds very stressful.  Bottom line is that he does not want a child right now.  You have to look at your own options.  Men have the luxury of walking away and women are kind of stuck left holding the bag.  You have to think worst case--  if he goes--  do you want to raise a child alone?  Give baby up for adoption?  Go through with the pregnancy?  I think you need to focus on the big picture of having this child and if you have to do it alone, is that okay with you.  Then if it is, you can risk if he steps up to be a part of things or not.  If he doesn't, do make sure to take him to court for child support.   That's his duty.  But you can't make a man/boy want to be a dad.  And he clearly doesn't at this point.  good luck!
3 Comments
If you decide to have a baby, wait a year or two, then file for child support. You can take 35% of his income for the next 18 years.
This is the formula used in New York:

The basic child support obligation is calculated by multiplying the "combined parental income" by the appropriate "child support percentage." Income is defined as gross income on the most recent federal income tax return less deductions for social security and taxes.

The "child support percentage" is fixed at:

a)17% of the combined parental income for one child;
b)25% of the combined parental income for two children;
c)29% of the combined parental income for three children;
d)31% of the combined parental income for four children; and
e)no less than 35% of the combined parental income for five or more children
It depends on the state. Also on whether or not the poster works or not and how much the boyfriend makes. In florida at least, they look at the pretax income and don't account for the fact that he has taxes taken out, if they do that in NY too 17% is closer to 25%
134578 tn?1517087675
You ask, should you "keep fighting for our broken relationship for the sake of our love."  It is not like you can argue someone into being in love with you; "fighting" for the relationship is not going to put love back in his heart if it is gone.

He cannot legally walk away from the child-support obligation, don't roll over and just watch him shrug the obligation off.  But in terms of recreating or reviving your relationship, if he no longer wants to be with you, you have to understand "our" love is over.  Fight for the child support but don't expect you can "fight for our broken relationship" and magically he will love you again.
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