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Avatar universal

WILL this divorce ever end?

5+yrs and still in litigation.  ED was settled (I'd swear he paid the property mediator, and he changed values of his property at the very last minute so I'd not notice; much more to the story but too long to go into here)....but ex doesn't want to pay court ordered alimony (ordered July 2012, and which was already cut in 1/2 because he lied and claimed his business wasn't doing well...yet he hired more employees just after 1st alimony trial, took a cruise, bought a new van, etc...)  
Then demanded 2nd FULL alimony trial, but has delayed every court date, never submits documents when ordered to do so, if at all (and gets away with it), yada, yada, yada....
I realize this delay tactic is a legal 'game' and deigned to cause me stress, excess legal fess, and force me to give up and walk away with nothing.....but does it ever end?
I've had 3 attorneys thus far.... none are very aggressive (as is his attorney).  I also add that we were married nearly 25 year....I was always faithful (he was not....from the beginning, and admitted so in his deposition...though I had no 'proof' as in photos), I worked in his home-based business but he'd never put me on the payroll so I have no SS work credits, I know he has $$ accounts that he has not disclosed (as well as an entirely new business that he claim not to have started so as not to have to submit the W2s from it) but I cannot prove this without even more thousands in legal fees.....I know in hindsight that he was planning divorce for many years....moving $ along with many other activities.  He also monitored my computer, home phone, cell phone, etc so knew/read everything I ever said to my attorney..... and then sued me, accusing me of doing these things!  Might I add he's an alcoholic narcissist.....
I'm so stressed.... don't think this will ever end.  I was also diagnosed with a terminal, rare cancer back in 1997 which I've been fighting ever since... ex did not care... actually attempted to hasten my demise (known fact, but again no 'proof')..... so now I'm also trying to survive on a small monthly SSDI (still no available therapy for this type cancer) and am on medication for the side effects, am unemployable due to this disease.  I want to be off of these Rx meds which i why I came to the MedHelp site.
The stress of this ongoing divorce does not help any of my issues....
Has anyone else been in divorce for this length of time?  
What do you do to end it when you've been classified a 'dependent spouse, but the narcissist refuses to negotiate or settle and you cannot afford to give up and walk away without the alimony.?
HELP!
4 Responses
Avatar universal
This will last as long as you want it to last.

"I realize this delay tactic is a legal 'game' and deigned to cause me stress, excess legal fess, and force me to give up and walk away with nothing.....but does it ever end?"...............This is why it isn't going to end.  What are you really going to end up with after all this?  Legal fees that you can't pay?  Your medical condition deteriorating and medical bills mounting?  So, in essence the money you are fighting for will be the money you will need to pay the legal fees and medical bills that have mounted over the span of years.  In other words, you won't really be pocketing the alimony..........it will be going from your hands to your debtors.

You did get something monetary when the property situation was settled?  Correct?

Do you not have any family or friends to help you?  Social services you qualify for?

I empathize with you; really do, but you aren't really going to gain anything from this by continuing fighting a losing battle.  It's unfortunate your ex is like this, but it is what it is and fighting him in court isn't going to change him into doing the right thing and it will only be making things worse in the end.  

YOU have the power to end this.  The only thing you are and will be getting out of this is MORE debt.  This is NOT worth your health or mental well-being.  And even if he pays the alimony you will be still tied to him and then you will be still dependent on him even though you are divorced.  Moreover, the alimony could be decreased, so you can't really count on the same amount over time.

Unfortunately this is a risk someone takes being a dependent spouse.  Most of the time in these cases he/she does end up living a lifestyle that is reduced.  You have to become resourceful and creative with your approach.........generating more bills isn't that.

At this point I think you need inner peace and your inner peace is worth more than alimony.  If I was you I would be so done with this man and wouldn't want anything to do with him and I wouldn't want anything from him.  I would be more than happy to make ends meet the best way I could and have the peace of mind knowing that I wouldn't have to put up with his nonsense anymore.  

This is no more than a power struggle............a costly one of course.
Avatar universal
"I want to be off of these Rx meds which i why I came to the MedHelp site."...........Your physician should be determining if you should be off your meds not us.  We are here for support though.  :)
Avatar universal
Let him have whatever, leave him and it all, it's not worth it. Forget that scum bag. You need to be divorced so you can start to heal
Avatar universal
I would call his lawyer tomorrow and tell him I'm sick and tired of the bs and I'm done with it and walk away from whatever money he is trying so hard to keep away from you. Money is just stuff. Stuff is not worth all of the aggravation to have to keep going through this. I would so badly want to get such a guy out of my life that I would tell him to take all of his money and shove it up his rear end because the only thing I'd want is to be free and clear of him forever. And then I'd move on and find my own way, knowing that I was doing it for myself and not using any of his false help. To me it would be priceless to be able to tell him where he can shove his money and then leave him behind like yesterday's garbage.
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