Aa
What happened?
22M here. Was dating a girl for about 5 months, first GF. Things are great. We’re BOTH talking about how happy we are, we’re BOTH talking about stuff to do this spring and summer.
This past weekend I stayed there Thursday and Friday night and was gonna go with her up to her parents house for Easter Saturday night. Saturday midday I leave thinking I’m gonna see her in a few hours when she’s done working. About 30 min after I leave I get a text with a very thin excuse as to why I should maybe “take a rain check” on going to Easter. I immediately get a pit on my stomach and think somethings not right, but I hold onto hope that maybe I’m just over thinking it.
So Saturday night and Sunday morning I say I love you and she doesn’t say it back. At this point I’m driving myself crazy, so I just ask, “Are we still good?” No reply for like 3 hours, I send another, “Hello?” Then I get the reply, “No I don’t think so, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and idk what I want in life, I don’t think we’re gonna work out, I’m sorry”. I’m completely blindsided by this. I’m sitting here falling more and more for her and then this happens. I text asking to “Call me please, I don’t get what’s happening” I never get a reply and she removes me from Snapchat and Facebook by the next morning still with no contact.
I spend the rest of Sunday numb in front of the TV. So after 2 days of feeling the worst I’ve ever felt, I decide to just send what I’m feeling to her just to get it off my chest, not really expecting a reply. She does reply with something like “I’m sorry, I’m just really confused and don’t know what I want in life, and I realized we actually don’t have anything in common. Its not fair to you if I’m not in 100% and I cant” I ask if she thinks she’ll get past this confusion, if she thinks we’ll ever work? She says, “I’m sorry, I don’t think so”. I say “well I can’t make you want to be with me, I’ll always remember our time together and I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She says, “thank you, don’t think this was an easy decision for me, I just need to do this for myself”. I end with "well have a great life".
I do feel a little better having gotten those closure texts from her versus being left in the dark, but its kinda like being punched in gut 4 times instead of 5. I’m just struggling to sleep or concentrate at all at work. Any plans I had or things I was looking forward to were with her. The smart, logical part of brain knows I need to work on getting over her and moving on, but that dumb, emotional part of my brain in the back of my head keeps saying, “Maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she’ll get over this confusion she’s having, maybe, maybe, maybe….”
I’ve talked to some people on other sites and I’ve gotten some mixed opinions. First of all, this was hers and my first relationship, so there’s no ex resurfacing. I know she’s almost done with college and interning so has to find a “real” job now…I know she has a lot of tests to take to finalize college. I know she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the area she’s in for college or go back to her hometown, which ultimately is only an hour away. So I feel like with all those things she had no control over, breaking up with me was something she could control. I had already met her parents before so it wasn’t the stress of that on Easter.
I feel maybe my intensity just overwhelmed her and I just need to back off for a bit and maybe she’ll change her mind. I feel I took her for granted and got to routine with her after such a short time. Things she did in the past week tell me that she’s conflicted. On Wednesday she said, “I’m so damn happy!” and invited me to her Uncle’s wedding. Friday night she leaned over and initiated the kiss goodnight. Saturday we laid in bed all day cuddling. Also she was the first one to say "I love you" about two months ago.
I'm trying to move on, but I can't stop checking my phone for a message. Or wanting to send the message myself. I'm at 17 days NC.
This past weekend I stayed there Thursday and Friday night and was gonna go with her up to her parents house for Easter Saturday night. Saturday midday I leave thinking I’m gonna see her in a few hours when she’s done working. About 30 min after I leave I get a text with a very thin excuse as to why I should maybe “take a rain check” on going to Easter. I immediately get a pit on my stomach and think somethings not right, but I hold onto hope that maybe I’m just over thinking it.
So Saturday night and Sunday morning I say I love you and she doesn’t say it back. At this point I’m driving myself crazy, so I just ask, “Are we still good?” No reply for like 3 hours, I send another, “Hello?” Then I get the reply, “No I don’t think so, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and idk what I want in life, I don’t think we’re gonna work out, I’m sorry”. I’m completely blindsided by this. I’m sitting here falling more and more for her and then this happens. I text asking to “Call me please, I don’t get what’s happening” I never get a reply and she removes me from Snapchat and Facebook by the next morning still with no contact.
I spend the rest of Sunday numb in front of the TV. So after 2 days of feeling the worst I’ve ever felt, I decide to just send what I’m feeling to her just to get it off my chest, not really expecting a reply. She does reply with something like “I’m sorry, I’m just really confused and don’t know what I want in life, and I realized we actually don’t have anything in common. Its not fair to you if I’m not in 100% and I cant” I ask if she thinks she’ll get past this confusion, if she thinks we’ll ever work? She says, “I’m sorry, I don’t think so”. I say “well I can’t make you want to be with me, I’ll always remember our time together and I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She says, “thank you, don’t think this was an easy decision for me, I just need to do this for myself”. I end with "well have a great life".
I do feel a little better having gotten those closure texts from her versus being left in the dark, but its kinda like being punched in gut 4 times instead of 5. I’m just struggling to sleep or concentrate at all at work. Any plans I had or things I was looking forward to were with her. The smart, logical part of brain knows I need to work on getting over her and moving on, but that dumb, emotional part of my brain in the back of my head keeps saying, “Maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she’ll get over this confusion she’s having, maybe, maybe, maybe….”
I’ve talked to some people on other sites and I’ve gotten some mixed opinions. First of all, this was hers and my first relationship, so there’s no ex resurfacing. I know she’s almost done with college and interning so has to find a “real” job now…I know she has a lot of tests to take to finalize college. I know she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the area she’s in for college or go back to her hometown, which ultimately is only an hour away. So I feel like with all those things she had no control over, breaking up with me was something she could control. I had already met her parents before so it wasn’t the stress of that on Easter.
I feel maybe my intensity just overwhelmed her and I just need to back off for a bit and maybe she’ll change her mind. I feel I took her for granted and got to routine with her after such a short time. Things she did in the past week tell me that she’s conflicted. On Wednesday she said, “I’m so damn happy!” and invited me to her Uncle’s wedding. Friday night she leaned over and initiated the kiss goodnight. Saturday we laid in bed all day cuddling. Also she was the first one to say "I love you" about two months ago.
I'm trying to move on, but I can't stop checking my phone for a message. Or wanting to send the message myself. I'm at 17 days NC.
Maybe she wasnt ready to settle & still wanted to continue thru life with "no attachments". She didnt want to lead you on. Its possible that what she felt for you was real & loved you.
1 Comments
Very true coolpink! Welcome to the forum. We also have a relationships forum. I hope you stop back by!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sorry I'm late in replying! So, here are two of my own person experiences and see if they ring any bells. To me, it was a HUGE HUGE HUGE deal to bring a guy home to meet my family. And things could be chugging along and when it came to that, I panicked. It made me really take a harder look. It made me realize that if I wasn't ready to introduce to him family, if something even tiny was 'off' that I didn't want to, what have you . . . then I'd see it as a sign that this wasn't the right relationship. I dated my now husband for a very long time before he met my family! It was a really hard step for me. This has to do with the way my family is. They aren't all that easy and putting myself through the scrutiny and the person I was seeing, it was overwhelming. I would do anything to get out of that unless I was absolutely sure about them. And when I wasn't sure, it amplified that 'maybe' things weren't right between us. Then it became a bigger deal to take someone home as time went on. So, that is one thought for your ex.
Second situation is that I dated someone that I really did like. We had fun, got along, and things felt like they were getting serious. Way serious. Way fast. After a period of time, I was totally freaked out by it. It was TOO MUCH for me. Too fast. It made it not feel right. And since I had that reaction, maybe it wasn't. But I'll never know because I did what felt safe and ended it.
At 17, I say this compassionately, it's hard to know who you should be with and what is right. Really. You'll evolve over time. I know I'm old school with this, but you are at an age where school really matters. Don't throw yourself so far into a romantic situation. Get into a good college or trade school and get set up for the future.
She seems to want to be away from this situation so leave her alone and stay busy. Reconnect with your friends. Work on you. good luck
Second situation is that I dated someone that I really did like. We had fun, got along, and things felt like they were getting serious. Way serious. Way fast. After a period of time, I was totally freaked out by it. It was TOO MUCH for me. Too fast. It made it not feel right. And since I had that reaction, maybe it wasn't. But I'll never know because I did what felt safe and ended it.
At 17, I say this compassionately, it's hard to know who you should be with and what is right. Really. You'll evolve over time. I know I'm old school with this, but you are at an age where school really matters. Don't throw yourself so far into a romantic situation. Get into a good college or trade school and get set up for the future.
She seems to want to be away from this situation so leave her alone and stay busy. Reconnect with your friends. Work on you. good luck
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