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Avatar universal

What is a safe dad/daughter relationship?

"I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and known him for 17 years. His daughter is now19 years old and his son is15 years old. The problem is with the daughter and the dad . they have a relationship that is very disturbing to me. When she visits she stays extremely close to her dad. For examples: she lays on his chest rubs his chest and plays with his chest hairs, she sits between his legs when sitting down and is constantly holding his hand and his arm. I guess my question is: IS THIS NORMAL IN A DAD AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP!? I feel it's not!!!"
4 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, the thing about relationships between parents and their kids is that they can vary.  What isn't normal for me is normal for someone else.  Some families simply ARE more affectionate.  I have kids.  I imagine that I can always sit really close to them, hold their hands, play with their hair, etc. because they are always my babies.  My oldest is almost 12. The kid will still plop down in my lap!  He's as big as me at this point!!  LOL  But to him, I'm just mama and it is no big deal.  To a new boyfriend (theoretically, I'm married to my sons dad), it might seem inappropriate.  

See what I'm getting at?

Because, otherwise, why would you be attracted and with a man that was sexual with his daughter?  Blaming the daughter doesn't make sense to me---  this isn't NEW behavior, it is their relationship that HE as the FATHER allowed.  He was the adult.  HE is the one to be concerned with.  

If you feel that he is 'too close' to his daughter, find a new boyfriend.  No joke---  because you are insinuating that they have a sexual relationship.  It is VERY rare for a daughter to sexually molest her dad . . .  ha ha.  Nope, Doesn't work like that.  It's the other way around hon.  Which makes your boyfriend the bad guy here.  AND, if he were uncomfortable with it, he'd stop it.  He's not.  Which means that either A. this is no big deal and they are just affectionate or B. he likes it.  There could be a C which is that he doesn't know what to do about it, and I guess you can talk to him about that.  But as soon as you do, be prepared for him to get defensive.  You are saying something pretty horrible about his beloved child.  

Holding a parents hand and arm is not abnormal.  good luck
Avatar universal
I agree with SpecialMom

You say You've been with Your BoyFriend four years.  Has this behavior been the same between them for that long or do You think You are seeing something 'new' going on ?  What is 'normal' for them IS normal.  What You describe doesn't sound like anything more than affection between a Dad and Daughter.  If She stays close to Her Dad, well, She probably misses Him.

The most alarming thing here, (as I see it) is You are

"very disturbed"

and

You "feel it's not normal !!!"

Those statements warrant a new BoyFriend.  This may never change, You may never be UN"disturbed" and You may never feel "it's normal".   If so - You will be unhappy.  If You try to change Their behavior, They will be unhappy.  I see trouble in Paradise.

GoodLuck
Avatar universal
Ditto Tink and SM.

1 Comments
I have  to say the girl playing with his chest hairs is NOT normal and something is not right. Period!!!
Avatar universal
I can say that my sister and I were this affectionate with our father. That was just how we were brought up. My sister is now almost 30 and married and will still cuddle with him this way. I never thought it was weird, although my stepmother was always convinced that something inappropriate was going on, which made all three of us really uncomfortable and made her look crazy. My dad got so freaked out about it he completely avoided being seen alone with me in public for a few years because he was afraid people would think I was his girlfriend because that's what his own wife thought. It seems like a pretty common thing and its always the stepmother who is bothered by it. Its normal, his daughter is not trying to be his wife, and im sure nothing is going on. If it was, she wouldn't appear to be so comfortable with him.
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