Hi there. Well, the thing about relationships between parents and their kids is that they can vary. What isn't normal for me is normal for someone else. Some families simply ARE more affectionate. I have kids. I imagine that I can always sit really close to them, hold their hands, play with their hair, etc. because they are always my babies. My oldest is almost 12. The kid will still plop down in my lap! He's as big as me at this point!! LOL But to him, I'm just mama and it is no big deal. To a new boyfriend (theoretically, I'm married to my sons dad), it might seem inappropriate.
See what I'm getting at?
Because, otherwise, why would you be attracted and with a man that was sexual with his daughter? Blaming the daughter doesn't make sense to me--- this isn't NEW behavior, it is their relationship that HE as the FATHER allowed. He was the adult. HE is the one to be concerned with.
If you feel that he is 'too close' to his daughter, find a new boyfriend. No joke--- because you are insinuating that they have a sexual relationship. It is VERY rare for a daughter to sexually molest her dad . . . ha ha. Nope, Doesn't work like that. It's the other way around hon. Which makes your boyfriend the bad guy here. AND, if he were uncomfortable with it, he'd stop it. He's not. Which means that either A. this is no big deal and they are just affectionate or B. he likes it. There could be a C which is that he doesn't know what to do about it, and I guess you can talk to him about that. But as soon as you do, be prepared for him to get defensive. You are saying something pretty horrible about his beloved child.
Holding a parents hand and arm is not abnormal. good luck
I agree with SpecialMom
You say You've been with Your BoyFriend four years. Has this behavior been the same between them for that long or do You think You are seeing something 'new' going on ? What is 'normal' for them IS normal. What You describe doesn't sound like anything more than affection between a Dad and Daughter. If She stays close to Her Dad, well, She probably misses Him.
The most alarming thing here, (as I see it) is You are
You "feel it's not normal !!!"
Those statements warrant a new BoyFriend. This may never change, You may never be UN"disturbed" and You may never feel "it's normal". If so - You will be unhappy. If You try to change Their behavior, They will be unhappy. I see trouble in Paradise.
I can say that my sister and I were this affectionate with our father. That was just how we were brought up. My sister is now almost 30 and married and will still cuddle with him this way. I never thought it was weird, although my stepmother was always convinced that something inappropriate was going on, which made all three of us really uncomfortable and made her look crazy. My dad got so freaked out about it he completely avoided being seen alone with me in public for a few years because he was afraid people would think I was his girlfriend because that's what his own wife thought. It seems like a pretty common thing and its always the stepmother who is bothered by it. Its normal, his daughter is not trying to be his wife, and im sure nothing is going on. If it was, she wouldn't appear to be so comfortable with him.