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1894410 tn?1364190055

advice

Some of you know my story, married 30 years and then he gave me the I love you but not in love with you speech and then I found he doing the deed with the 22 year old tart next door...so I havent seen him in 3 months now and life is pretty good....studying law and loving it...my son has moved back home because he wants to help me through this...the other 3 kids have been amazing....it has been there choice to not see their father....I dont talk about him at all with the kids.....So my problem is settlement....he is being a real ******* and wont negotate or even talk about settlement....when I send a letter to his lawyer we just get back a nasty letter about I did this and I did that nothing about settlement....my lawyer wants to take him straight to court.....problem....he took all our lives savings and gave me all the debt....so if I want to fight him I have to take out another loan for 10 grand because that is how much this will cost and then I am not guartantee a solution....best case I would get 200 grand and worse case I would get 70 grand...then take costs out of it I would end up with 40 grand .....so do I fight or do I just walk away and pay off the debt (40 grand) and start my life....or do I risk everything and go to court.....some advice would be great....wish I was a Lawyer now it wouldnt cost as much....
11 Responses
Avatar universal
I am sympathetic to  the havoc this scenario has wreaked on Your Life and Your Emotions.  My heart is heavy for You - I know the overwhelming pain, but in spite of that, You have shown YourSelf to be Strong in the Long Run and I Admire the Progress You have made for YourSelf.
That being said - You invested Your ALL into Your Marriage,Your life, Your family - It was HIS behavior that brought this to a $'s and cents issue -and He would expect You to suffer this financial injustice as well??!!  What a sh*tbird He is!!  A REAL BIG A$$ SH*TBIRD!!  (I made up that word but it really, really fits some of the people I know!!)

BUT, that being said - if You (He) were to reduce this to dollars and cents well, then okay - You invested 30 YEARS - that IS worth much!!  Go for it, Girl - You are NOT taking from him - You are "settling" for Your participation in what He blew up in Your face!!  Without Your consent, without Your permission - so it's gonna cost Him.  You are NOT taking from Him, You are taking what's already Yours - rather He SACRIFICED everything to be where He is now!!   HE chose this!!
2047155 tn?1527163964
I would take him to court because at the end of the day you deserve the settlement regardless of what it is plus it will give you both some much needed closure & finalization on the situation. P.S. You go on being strong moving on & doing things for you & also raising a kid so sweet as to come home & care for you I am so sorry for you situation! ):
1894410 tn?1364190055
I am leaning towards doing just that.....my kids have been so affected by this..... the 22 year old tart went to school with our daughter...they just do not understand what has happened....but they understand and realize that I love them no matter what and most important I would never hurt them like he has.... that is what is getting us through it all....I will survive and become stronger because of this...and I must say I will never let anyone change me again....so thankyou and I hope your life is good and things only get better.....
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, 40 grand is a heck of a lot better than being left with all the debt.  I'd take him to court and hope for that best case scenario.  He'd LOVE for you to give up because it is hard.  That is what is lawyer is counting on.  You'll have your own law degree eventually and be able to make more money to where that 10 grand it takes to do this will seem like peanuts.  so, go for it in my opinion.  good luck
Avatar universal
Go to court and fight for what you deserve Linda.  
1894410 tn?1364190055
Thankyou dear friends....I am going to line up some banks and see what I can afford....cross your finger things will go well.....but one thing to remember I have my kids....my pets....and my diginty....these are things he will never be able to buy.....thankyou for giving just that little extra strength I needed....hope your lives are going well and remember you are all strong beautiful and very smart people.....love Linda
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, no matter what-----------  you ALREADY have what is most important Linda!  You are doing so well and I'm so happy for you for this.  I know that it seems difficult to go forward with legal action against your ex, but I think down the road, you'll appreciate that you did.  I really do.  

I wish you all the best dear!
Avatar universal
Fingers crossed for you dear.  :)
932659 tn?1332118704
I have followed your story and never posted but I am posting now - GO FOR IT!  I love what you said - you have your kids, your pets, and your dignity - Sooooo true!  Good luck to you :)
1894410 tn?1364190055
Thankyou for making a comment, I really appreciated it....Sometimes I think I am so alone and then my kids come around and then at night I get online and there are so many people (who I have never met) saying prayers for me and giving me so much support....so please comment because a few words mean so much to us people who worry about having no one to talk to....a bit mushy I know I get like that sometimes....again all I can said is a simply thankyou....linda
932659 tn?1332118704
You are not alone at all - I am 39 and was with my ex for 20 of those years until 3 years ago he walked out on me, we divorced, and a few months later he was married to a girl he went to elementary school with.  The pain is still very hard to deal with but believe it or not, you have inspired me just by you being so strong, and yes I do believe you are a very strong woman.  I admire you :)  So, thank you Linda!
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