Listen I know it's hard - I've been here a couple of times. It's no good me saying "you'll feel better" because it's possible you won't for a long time.
The only advice I actually have for you is to take time out to think about who you are. Sound silly? When we are in relationships we tend to mould ourselves into a lil bit of the other person so we finally end up as one, rather than two people.
Sit and think what she actually did for you that you couldn't do yourself. Trust me, you'll feel better knowing who you are by the end.
Please don't kill yourself or attempt any more serious self destructive acts.
You've got a full life ahead of you. Maybe your purpose in life is to do great things and this place where you are now is making you a strong person for when you get there ---the things that are taking you down now, won't stand a chance in the future.
Take that range, guilt, fear, anger, loneliness, confusion, depression inside and turn it into something worthwhile --something positive. It'll take time. Just hang in there okay. I know you're meant for better things than this.
I cannot help but notice that you got your self worth from this relationship. That should not happen. A relationship is when two people complete each other, not create the other. You are young and do not realize this just yet. There is going to be another, even better than this one was. You will see. Relationships that consume us and cause us to lose ourselves is not healthy. You will be fine, it just takes time and take one day at a time. Get out around friends and do not give into depression. It will be okay.
thanks for the insight. but im still feeling very down, and doubting myself. i've been tryingt o get out, and outlet myself. but i've lost all passion in what i once i loved doing. i dont understand why, but i cant sleep , or eat. these nightmares are killing me inside. every time i close my eyes .. i see her. im really trying to keep myself occupied..every one around me is laughing and having a good time... but im not. i dont find things funny anymore, deep down inside im crying. i barely have the energy to finish normal tasks that were once so simple, and just getting out of bed is a chore. i feel all the more disconnected with my family, because im trying so hard just to find myself ..
believe me guys, i want to be happy so badly. and honestly i dont know what to do.