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Avatar universal

i have fallen in love with a pimp

so i meet a guy almost two years ago he was god sent attentive,caring,nd was very gud wit my kids we started dating nd then i found out he was a pimp he has never asked me to hoe for him but i have given him money all the same.wen we meet he would take me out my treat go to movies have sexual incounters that was mind blowing each time is better than our last time i felt as is i couldnt breath at a loss for words each time he is something that i cant explain it came the time wen i let him bring one of his girls that he had on the street into my life i kept her daughter for months.i have lied to him about thing over nd over but only because i didnt want to lose him he is like an addiction that i cant seem to shake sometimes i dont have to lie but his punishments are harsh he turns on the silent treatment no communication for days weeks sometimes he tells me he loves me but i dont know to believe it i want to but now im 9 months pregnant we got into a huge argument because i kept something from him about one of his girls nd i was lying about talking to her wen she was trying to leave him she told me she wouldnt put me in it but as soon as she got the chance she told him everything he got mad at me nd was trying to leave but i wanted him to listen to me nd stood in his way so he couldnt leave he demanded that i get out of his way bur i didnt listen so he hit me to make me move i havent heard from him in almost 2 months now i suffer a breakdown i wanted to kill myself i couldnt sleep i thought of him every min of the day nd night i almost drove my self crazy about this man one thing i can say out of it all he brought me a long way he made me see nd feel things ive never felt before nd thats wat made me fall in love with him i neef some advice trully.
10 Responses
134578 tn?1517087675
Too bad you aren't seeing a therapist, you need one to help you look realistically at the situation.  Pimps are good at one thing, controlling women through manipulation.  He's doing that to you.  

Get help.  If you can't afford a therapist, see a minister or a social worker.

You need to wake up and smell the coffee -- if you were special to him, he would be around.  As things stand now, he is only around to use you.
1 Comments
That's not completely true. I was in a similair thing. I had a big argument leave and don't talk for a while.  Cuz he is gone don't mean your not important to him.   He just confused. Text him and tell him your sorry and fix the issue.  Figure out what bothers both of you and fix it. I did that I been with this pump for 5 years.  And we r married and truly in love
3605625 tn?1385021148
Lies will never get anyone anywhere, and why risk it when this man was the love of your life? Unfortunately with this man being a pimp and bringing in women from off the street and into your lives, there is going to be trouble and drama. Now you are 9 months pregnant and this baby is coming into the world probably without its dad around, things need to change, everyone needs to grow up and get real for this situation to work and for you all to be happy again. Like anniebrooke says, maybe see a therapist.
1696489 tn?1370825574
RUN.  As far and as fast as you can get away from this toxic person!  A pimp is not (obviously) good husband or father material.  Do this for your baby, if not for yourself.
1 Comments
Pimps can change.  Mine did.  He married me m stop doing that
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome to med help.  Well, I think that the concerns are obvious.  I mean, who really dreams of being with a bona fide pimp?  That can't be a good life.  Picture what he makes other women do??  Why?  Is he into drugs?  does he have nothing else going for him that this is the only way he can have an income?  Really not desirable.

I agree with Anniebrooke that a therapist would be really important here.  Not to convince you to leave, that's obvious. But to help you understand why on Earth you ever were with this guy in the first place.  We should have personal boundaries for our own physical and emotional protection.  We should have standards for the people we have in our life that are high and not compromise for the sake of something like an emotion, which is all love is.  A simple emotion.

When you say he is like a drug, you might be right. Again, seek counseling.  You may have an addictive personality and he is indeed like a drug for you that causes you to make poor decisions.  But with a child involved, you need to get a grip on that and stop this destructive pattern.  

peace and good luck
134578 tn?1517087675
The other reason to leave, besides just you becoming mentally healthy and stable (a good thing for a parent to be), is that what he is doing is illegal.  And making you an accessory by bringing the women into your life.  Do you really want to be up before the court some day?  

This is not a man who cares about you.  If he did, he would not:
-  Manipulate you
-  Solicit money from you
-  Bring the women over to your house
-  Hit you (no matter if you stood in his way or not)
-  Hit you when you are pregnant
-  In fact, be a pimp.  (A man who loves a woman cleans up his act so he is not in danger of being thrown into jail.)

Sorry, but you picked the wrong man to be obsessed with.  Time to work on your mental health and clarity.  And run from this man.  
3149845 tn?1506631371
Hi also, from what you describe your very sexually attracted to him which can distort the essence of a relationship and also make a person unknowingly compromise their very being and spirit. I know as have been there myself.

Since your pregnant did the doctors do a complete std testing including herpes yet? Very important to have this done.
Avatar universal
My goodness. I am so sorry to hear that you have gotten yourself into this situation in life. I know you have bigger dreams for yourself and you family than a life spent with a pimp who willingly walks in and out of your life. You have much more value and worth than you think you do.

I have to tell you, everything in my life changed when I invited Jesus into my heart. He became my one desire and everything else just seemed to fall into place over time. I pray you will find the peace and passion for living that I found. Bless you!
134578 tn?1517087675
Here is from the Internet today.  Thought of you.

_____

Here are 10 signs you should look out for to quickly identify a psychopath.

1. Flattery like you've never heard before. Psychopaths move extremely quickly. On the first date, he'll probably tell you that you are stunningly beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and uproariously witty. He will play into every fantasy and insecurity you have. If you think you're fat, he will tell you how much he loves your body. If you think you're shy, he will laugh at every lame attempt at a joke and tell you you should have been a comedian. This is called "love bombing." It's the idealization phase he gets you hooked on, and it's the phase you will spend the next however-many months or years trying to get back once he abruptly shuts it off.

2. He is just like you. Psychopaths will try to convince you that you are soul mates, just alike. He loves all the things you love and you have all of the same interests. If you had a tough childhood, he will say something like, "We both had it rough. That's why we understand each other." If there's an obscure book you love, he will make sure he loves it too. What he's doing is called "mirroring." He has no real identity, so he ***** yours up and mirrors it back to you.

3. Pity plays. Pay careful attention to what a psychopath says on the first few dates about his exes and other people in his life. Is his ex girlfriend crazy and stalking him? Did another girlfriend rob him blind? Is his mother controlling and horrible? Does he seem like he's had a tough time with people, who always use and abandon him? Whatever he says about the other people in his life is pretty much exactly what he'll be saying about you at some point, so listen carefully.

4. Illnesses and injuries. Psychopaths absolutely love pity, so pay attention to how many illnesses and injuries he's had. Did he miraculously beat cancer but it could come back at any minute? Does he break his foot on your second date and has to cancel? (But strangely is okay for the third date?) Did he lose his first wife in a car accident that left him with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and seems fine)? Try to check out his stories -- call hospitals if you need to -- but don't be surprised if he has an excuse for why you can't find any record of any of his traumas.

5. Great sex. Everyone wants great sex, but those who have been with a psychopath often say it's the best thing they've ever experienced. A psychopath goes out of his way to please you. It's just another way of getting you hooked. Once he has you hooked, you'll find yourself begging for sex because he suddenly won't want it anymore.

6. Cracks in the mask. A psychopath will sometimes blurt out something odd about himself, apropos of nothing. Like you might be cooking dinner and suddenly he blurts, "I'm crazy you know." Or "I'm cheating on you." He will then either deny he said it or play it off as a joke. A form of keeping you off balance -- but also possibly an unconscious slip of the mask of his persona.

7. Silent treatment. Once psychopaths have you hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act will be laid squarely at your feet. In reality, he is off sizing up his next target somewhere.

8. Triangulation. Psychopaths love to work you up into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you, give you fabulous sex, and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous. It could be an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants him, so you better be on your best behavior, or he will move on to one of his adoring fans.

9. Discard. The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. After he ***** you in with idealization, then begins to devalue you, he will suddenly discard you as if you never had a relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to him. He will usually move on to another target at this point.

10. "Hoovering." Although a psychopath will discard you, he doesn't quite want you moving on either. If he senses you are done with him, he will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding you with pleas to stay together. He will try to "Hoover" (named after the vacuum cleaning company) you back in by saying everything you've ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on his absolute best behavior. It's all an act so he can get you back into the fold.

The only way to get rid of a psychopath is to completely go no contact. It's the only thing that doesn't fuel his games and ego. He will make that difficult for you -- some psychopaths will stalk you, most will Hoover. But to engage him in any way, even just to tell him off, only leaves you open to more mind games, which he will win, because he has no feelings. (Those who have children with psychopaths must develop low contact, and keep in touch only as much as absolutely needed as regards the children.)

Of course, nobody is perfect, and some people are just immature and go through periods of giving the silent treatment, or "devaluing" you with critical comments. Other people may triangulate to create jealousy because they're insecure or bored or don't even quite realize they're doing it. There are also plenty of garden-variety jerks out there who will engage in a lot of "psychopathic" behavior without being clinical psychopaths. But if your lover engages in much or all of this behavior, then he or she is likely psychopathic, and you should run for the hills!

If you think you are in a relationship with a psychopath or are trying to recover from one, Psychopath Free offers information and support.
Avatar universal
sweetheart, there is no happy future there. u need to allow your heart to mend and remove all connections with him. begin to move on and it will get easier...especially when a real man comes along.  u may be back and forth with this man still since its been some months since u posted this so that why I decided to comment just in case.  I was in the game back in the day and my last daddy was my fiancé. we were "square" at first and planned to get married one day and have real jobs after we saved blah blah blah. it was the good times and the hope of a happy future that kept me going...but none of that overpowered the bad. just try to picture your life with this man...if it is realistic u r going to b one unhappy wife and deep down you know it. it takes a certain type of man to b a pimp....and that very same man is not husband material. although I am a strong believer of people changing...look at me for instance I was once a hoe and now im a doctor....life is just too short to take that gamble.  let a nice man find you and work on loving yourself in the meantime
                                 sincerely,
                                  Izzy
Avatar universal
sweetheart, there is no happy future there. u need to allow your heart to mend and remove all connections with him. begin to move on and it will get easier...especially when a real man comes along.  u may be back and forth with this man still since its been some months since u posted this so that why I decided to comment just in case.  I was in the game back in the day and my last daddy was my fiancé. we were "square" at first and planned to get married one day and have real jobs after we saved blah blah blah. it was the good times and the hope of a happy future that kept me going...but none of that overpowered the bad. just try to picture your life with this man...if it is realistic u r going to b one unhappy wife and deep down you know it. it takes a certain type of man to b a pimp....and that very same man is not husband material. although I am a strong believer of people changing...look at me for instance I was once a hoe and now im a doctor....life is just too short to take that gamble.  let a nice man find you and work on loving yourself in the meantime
                                 sincerely,
                                  Izzy
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