Avatar universal

in love with a selfish man

Ive been dating my guy for a year and our relationship is amazing!  Hes everything any woman would dream of, but like always there's a bad side.  He has a problem that surfaced 6 months into our life together which is that i have 3 kids by other men.  He knew this before we started anything so I've been confused through all the trying and arguments about how we aren't progressing and many times of us trying to walk away...we love each other...alot!  Well now im pregnant with his child and the problems have worsened he wants me to have an abortion, but he seems excited for a moment as well...i dont know what to do?  I dont want to have an abortion but he makes its vlear that im being selfish because of my decision and that once the baby is here thats all hes worried about theres no love or anything between us...just a kid, but in the same breath says that for my sake he hopes i dont  miscarry because thats the only way hes going to be involved in my life and if i do miscarry i will never see him again!  Im confused hurt lonely but also prepared to handle my responsibilities with or without him...help!
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1696489 tn?1370821974
Remember that none of your kids (born and unborn) are in any way at fault for your problems, even though the problems do revelove around them.  If this was me, I would stand up for my right to be pregnant, deliver the baby, and raise the baby.  I would not allow my bf opinions so much as put a dent in that, as it is non-negotioble when it comes to the life of a child.  And I would be happy to show him the door, because his personality is so obviously not Daddy-material.  Children need good role models, whether they are your biological children or not.  Sorry to have to say this, but it does not matter what you feel or he feels because CHILDREN COME FIRST. - Blu
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Avatar universal
Thank you for the reassurance because that is and has been my first thought. I'm sort of an over thinker and tend to have my judgment clouded by putting others before myself!  I know what's right and making sure that my blessing  shines bright on this earth and raise he our she right us my responsibility!
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  Sweetie, ugh.  He is very clear that he doesn't want to be in your life.  The comment about you miscarrying is more proof of that rather than the opposite which is how I think you are seeing it.  He's ONLY with you at all because you are pregnant it sounds like.  I'm so very sorry as that is probably hurtful.

I think you have to do what is best for you.  I'm pro choice so it is up to you if it is a good time to have another child or not.  Four kids as a single woman is a lot but I'm sure you can do it if you so desire.  There is always adoption as well.  Or abortion is another option. But make the choice for YOU and your other kids that is best.  

I do wish you all the best.  I wouldn't count on him for much.  how invovled are the kids other dad (s)?  But other than suing him for child support, there isn't much you can do to actually make him a father or want to be a father.  good luck dear
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Avatar universal
I'm in Your camp when You state that You are an "over thinker"....but then - You go on to say "your own judgement is "clouded" by putting "others" before YourSelf".
I want to ask You:  Who are these "others"??  Are these "others"  Him, or are these "others" Your Children (as it should be, and as it is for most of Us!!)  or, is it the Child You are expecting?  These are all important questions!! and it's somewhat unclear to me what You mean.  That being said, I would add:

This is  2013!!  - It's my opinion that in Todays World, a Man should be Responsible for His own Sperm.  If He doesn't want to make Babies then HE SHOULD DO SOMETHING TO MAKE HIMSELF STERILE.  I think it is WRONG of a Man, ANY Man,  to go around planting His seed and then expect (demand) a Woman abort.  THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT!!  Plain and simple!!  If He doesn't want to make Babies, well then, He should not go around making Babies!! !! SIMPLE as that!!  and You can tell Him I said so!!

At the end of Your post You said You are prepared to handle Your Responibilites "with or without Him".  So - DO THAT!!  I believe in You Girl!!  and I know You can do this!!

You are a Walking, Talking, Thinking, Believing Woman, Moving in Your Own Direction and Making Your Own Decisions!!  Go For It!!
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