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Divorce & Breakups Community
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1177879 tn?1266467068

love

Is it true that you can love someone and want them but not be with them?...Once trust is broken twice how do you gain it back ..does it all seem hopeless what do i do to gain trust back
5 Responses
145992 tn?1341348674
I answered your post below.  Yes, your husband can love you but may not want you back because you cheated on him twice.  Love doesn't just go away but if he knows that you are not trustworthy than he may not think that it is worth giving another chance.  If he gave you an opportunity the first time you messed up and then you did it again, then why would he give you another chance to hurt him.  It's not easy forgiving and recovering from one time of infidelity but then giving it a shot and having it happen again.  It takes super power strength not many may have to go through the recovery process again.  I really don't think you can convince your husband to give it another chance again.  I wish I had a better answer for you.  Perhaps you need to figure out why you keep taking chances with your husband's heart?
Avatar universal
Its a tough one. Your husband might forgive you but he also might not want to get hurt again...he did give you a chance and then you did it again. My opinion is to pray that he gives you another, but this time appreciate him for who he is, which is a forgiving guy since he did forgive you once as by what I read in miami's post above.
Avatar universal
They say there is a fine line between love and hate. Hurt is everybit as strong an emotion. Sometimes the hurt emotions  outweigh the love ones. In other words, who wants a do over. Not too many. Hurts less to move on.
Avatar universal
My boyfriend cheated on me VERY badly and I've taken him back and LONG periods of trial and being apart.  I'm a Bible Study teacher and he likes studying the bible with me.  He says he's' a changed man.  He still gives me problems and I still don't trust him.   I don't know, only you know yourself.  They say if you are very remorseful it is a good sign you won't do it again .  And what were the circumstances that this infedelity occurred?  Long and drawn out or a quick mistake?  I think you have to take everything into consideration, the past on what you did, what you are willing to do for him to get him to trust you, and part of that is being honest with him and answering anything he wants you too, and I'd go out of my way to earn his trust again.  I'd be calling him every hr. if he could stand it.  You must defy what peole say, "once a cheater always a cheater"  I believe there is always hope for anyone who really turns their life over to God, stops being selfish and self-centered andfocus on doing for others first.  You know all of us are intrinsically self centered.  We have to learn to grow out of that.  There is a cheaters anonymous, I would check them out.  Like I said I would convince him you'd do NAYTHING, AND HE'D PROBABLY TAKE YOU BACK.  But don't do it just to get him back, do it ONLY if you truly love him and are willing to love him for the rest of your life.  Regardless, put him first, get used to putting him first.
Avatar universal
I think your little saying about hurt being a emotion, and sometimes it out weighs the love ones.  True True.  I have been struggling in a relationship for 24 years, and I am done.  Do I love him yes.  In love no.  There has been so much pain emtionally that I no longer have anything left to give.  Your little saying has helped.  I have been struggling for a long time.  Do believe that there are just some personalities that do not blend, no matter how hard you try.  One says "the sun going to shine", and the other says "no it is going to rain."  Neither person is at fault the recepi just sours.
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