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Divorce & Breakups Community
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Avatar universal

mid life crisis for men

I would like to find out for those of you men out there if you have gone through this and why?  The reason I am asking is 3 weeks ago my husband came home and told me he didn't love me anymore.  He said I love you as a person, and respect you.  This is after being with him for 31 years and doing everything for him.  Taking care of him while he was sick, when he lost his job, standing by him.  I was also asked to care for his dying father last year he was battling cancer, I agreed, I cared for his dad in our home 24/7 until he passed.

Can someone explain to me how a husband justifies to himself this is right to do to his wife.
179 Responses
Avatar universal
Sorry,
it could be  you are co-dep on him, and maybe he found someone else to lean on.  I have found the more you do for someone the more they hurt you.
Avatar universal
No I am not co depen on him.  I want to know how men justify hurting their families.  How they rationalize doing this is ok by them.
Avatar universal
Questions?
Is he depressed or on meds
hows his job?
any major events in the last year besides his father dying.
is this the first time he wanted to leave?
Avatar universal
I don't know if he is depressed,  He walks around happy.  He say's he loves his job.  He lost his father and a close friend last year.

I always thought we had a loving marriage.  Guess he fooled me
Avatar universal
Sounds like you did have a loving marriage for almost 31 years, however people change and grow apart for some reason.  Love is never constant it is alway evolving.  
Question? are you happy and do you love your self?
Avatar universal
No I am not happy I just lost my husband, who I love more than anything.  People change yes, but overnight?  This does not make sense to me and I just don't understand how a man can justify to himself that this is ok to do to his wife and kids.  Selfish I think.

I do love myself, but this is a trying time as you can see for me.  It's only been 3 weeks.
Avatar universal
I know how you feel about having a relationship with a selfish person.  Remember you are only 1/2 of the relationship.  I was with someone for 2 years and we just broke up.  I am trying to make sense of what happened to cause the breakup.  The only thing i can do now is look at my part in the relationship.  Check out this web:http://earthrenewal.org/ending_of_relationships.htm  has some good info on signs a relationship is ending.  I can tell you it just does not happen over night.  You could always see loving coming, but never leaving.
Avatar universal
You talk about everything you did for him but what were you doing with him?
Avatar universal
we did lots together, we went on trips, out socializing, this is why I dont understand what is happening, its like overnight he became this different person

we always had a great time

so loss and confused
Avatar universal
What about his past, was he married before, how was his relationship with his parents?  Does he have relatives you can talk too.  Ronald Raglan said: if you dig deep enough you will find a pony. God works in many different ways, sometimes he let's us know the relationship is ending or let's the other person know.  Have faith and hope.  Everyone tells me there is a reason for everything in life. Like you I'm trying to work through my breakup.  For almost 2 years, she told me everyday she loved me.  Last we talked, she told me she was not in love but more like a friend.  go figure.
Avatar universal
not this was both our first marriage, relationship with mother was strained because his parents divorced when he was very young, he was fine with his dad

his relatives, don't even know yet
Avatar universal
Personal question, how you love life with him?
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