Avatar universal

what should i do regarding my in laws and husband?

I know my husband since 10 years, after 6 years of affair we married secretly because our parents did not agree because of difference in culture. However my husband was so caring and my own family was not i was not able to leave him. We were living apart even after secret marriage. i kept on fighting with husband to tell everyone about me but he ignored it for four years, i felt i am no where neither i can marry with parents will (cos I felt if i did then my husband will disclose everything) and nor my husband took any decision of moving in together. One day, our marriage certificate was seen by my MIL, (my husband had hidden it over the almirah), she created the scene and called my parents and abused me and my family and proved i am characterless. i could not UNDERSTAND  why my husband cannot openly say that he loved me and his parents have no right to abuse my parents. its our fault and not families. But his family abused my character in front of my father. Then my father wanted to save me because i was legally married. But i was still blinded by his love; my parents arranged a social marriage and sent me respectfully with him, (after they had done everything to save me from him).
Then picture changed completely. His love vanished. His parents did not accept me. Embarrassed me that i am fat and ugly and not brought any dowry. i thought how correct were my parents but this person be fooled me by doing a secret marriage and then used me emotionally and physically and then did not had courage to stand for me.
His brother (who left his 12 year old girlfriend because again my MIL did not like her, he had several affairs with girls and who took money from them. He married though love marriage only with a girl of same community and who brought lot of money, gave her children to these people. Etc) Actually my brother in law influenced a lot because he left his love because of my MIL but my husband stood by me and married me. He did everything to negatively influence my husband. he did not want me to be in that house. He treated his wife badly and she respected him. They had planned beforehand. My husband thought that his brother’s wife is so good. MIL was also with my BIL and his wife. His Wife went way ahead and flirted with my husband. I had conceived and could not leave. I had no place to go either. i left my family because of this person and he has completely devastated me. I prayed that once our child is born we will be again reconciled and love will come back.
After the child situation worsened. i walked out because after the c section i could not handle their abuse. Deep down i was still longing the love we shared. My parents gifted a flat to my baby son where my husband moved with me. soon I realized he had come only to ruin me further. He still thinks only for his mother and those people. He booked a gas connection at his mother address. He spends Friday to Monday their only. He comes here because he can drink here. He comes very late and goes in the early morning to his work place. he comes here because this flat is near to his work place and at his convenience. if he brings any ration he says he is running the house, in fact I only use his money for our child that’s it. If i say don’t drink then he accuses me and say that I am home breaker, i am psycho like my brother (who has emotional breakdown in his life) and speaks ill and names to my family, who are innocent and surrendered because they were girls parents and accepted him as son in law.
I can’t speak of such situation to anyone because i chose him on my own in the life. He threatens me to take divorce and take custody of my child and prove i am psycho.
Day by day i m dying. Can’t take this ahead; just want everything to be like before marriage. When will my husband understand??? When will he stop being a mummy boy?? When will he understand that his brother and his wife are fake people???
I feel i will not get anyone in my life, i married socially only in my relatives and culture. His relatives don’t even know who i m, i have seen then during all these years. It hurts me that they don’t take me to their native place. As far as my fatness is considered, i lost 10 kgs and also determine to lose more 50 kilos. And will be prettiest girl. I just want to improve my looks and be slim and once i overcome my weakness, and convert my tuitions class into a school and institute I will take some decision regarding all this.
I am 29 years old, but sometimes I feel I will have no one and this person will make me miserable and not let me improve myself. He leaves me on all holidays, festivals and weekends. Whenever we fight he picks his 3 sets of clothes and go. I feel miserable. How should I emotionally be strong and not take up this garbage?? What should i do about in-laws??? What should I do that I m not abused emotionally, physically, mentally abused??? How do I stop coming into his sugarcoated behavior which is short-lived?? And how do i stop loving this man?? And how do I move on, be sane and take care of my 3 month old???  
6 Responses
Avatar universal
My culture is so different from Yours that I don't know how to offer advice that would be helpful but I do want to send my sincere words and tell You that my heart is heavy for Your pain and suffering.  I hope someone here can offer You something of value.
3243092 tn?1354705467
you stop being mentally,physically and emotionally abused when you actually STOP IT.

I hope you are doing well today.I believe we are from the same culture and this is my input to your situation;Give him a reality check;leave him and stand on your feet;Kick him out of your house;

My story is almost exactly like yours except for the difference that the husband(now STBX) was such a B******* that he would not have a child with me but slept with me;His family was brain-washed by him.

After 11 years of dirty life long humiliating separation(near divorce in between),and now finally getting divorced.
I had agreed to mutual divorce but now he is contesting it blaming me with false allegations;

I am 29 myself,have no kid.I am working on getting stable financially and start a self-dependent healthy life;
And I also plan tolose weight and become fit;

I feel that may be your husband loves you but he needs to mend his ways;If you have the courage to stand for yourself,and ask him to leave may be he will come to his sense;If not I would suggest that you should leave him and start a happy an dhealthy life alone.

take care and do post back.
Avatar universal
Thanks , i was actually not expecting any comment, cos its the first time on internet that i seeked help. my heart is light with just a thought of seeing 2 comments. all the time in these years i only had husband in my life that i forgot theres a big world outside, thank u sincerely for writing to me, hope i get the strenth of showing my husband that i m not dependent on him anymore.
Avatar universal
dear people, pleas help me,.,, i am emotionally shattered, i get panic at the very thought of mil, because she again caused rift in my marriage. my husband went tout of station for 4 days and she cald me , i had to manage my child as its his first winter, so i talk only few mins with her. she complained to my husband and when he came back he physically assaulted me at 2 pm in the night. in the morning i cald his sister to tell all this , but he put all the blame on me and both of them abused me, i am shattered . because he says his parents, brother sisters, there children and their family are his ppriority and me and my child are the last on his mind. he cannot leave his family and his family cannnot live with me,, what should i do??? i have left everything for this person but he has made my life hell, he had said to everyone tthat i am a pshycho, i am mad, but what should i do, i scream because i cant take it. i need my husband but he needs only his family, what should i do????? in india divorce is big thing but his family have decided that they will not accept me and even if i am right i do the way they tell me, they will always judge me and speal illl to my husband, and this ******* will listen to them and believe them. i am in hell, i cant do anything .. pls help me... pls.
3243092 tn?1354705467
Stop being in the hell.GO away and file for divorce.The situation in India is difficult for a divorced women but times are changing.Get a job and live peacefully.Do not take his mental and emotional torture.

As a chld did you grow up to live this life.Was this your fairy tale.Nobody is at fault but just for you are letting all this nonsense happen to you.
I just hope you have the sanity to ove out immediately.
1180215 tn?1356134733
Divorce him.. god will led you to a better man one day..you need a man not a mama's boy
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