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winning my babys mother back,is it too late?

ive been with my babys mother for 8 years shes 22 im 25 ,my daughter is 2 .my problem is that my ex gf is dating another guy ,hes picture perfect in my eyes he was everything i wasnt ,hes spontanious a endless romatic and creative with relationships ,ive been in a complete depression and always in anxiety mode and ive accepted that she was moving on but deep down i never thought we would be in this predicament shes been seeing him for a couple months now ,shes a full time nursing student ,mother and works ...shes the only girl that ive ever loved and ive never had anyone love me the way i did ,,i was wrong i was selfish i took her for granted and if i could get her back id ask for her hand in marriage but im so scared to hear her say no and then have this big ordeal and drama with her me and mr wonderful i just need some coaching i feel like she wants her cake and eat it too but im over here every day sulking about it im not myself ..please help
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134578 tn?1614729226
What cake, exactly, is she supposedly wanting and eating too?  It's kind of hard to blame her for wanting to move on with her life if you are (from your description above) depressed, anxious, selfish, in drama mode if she says "no" to you, and evidently never asked her to marry you when she was pregnant.  That's not her having your cake and eating it too, that's making a sensible decision to go an emotionally more healthy direction.  ("What to do, what to do, one guy is perfect, the other guy is a basket case.  Hmm.  I think I'll go with the basket case because guys who are a mess are so much pleasanter to live with than guys who are happy and giving.")

I'm just trying to get you to see that your problem is not her, it is that you haven't moved at all on fixing you.  Get some counseling and begin to appreciate yourself.  You can't ask someone else to fill up your cup of self-esteem, it has to come from you.  Do it in little ways and big ways.  Try to let it become a habit.  Do some things that make you proud of yourself.  You might never get her back, but the kind of women you attract if you are a happy man, and moving with a plan toward a happier future, will be much better.  
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Avatar universal
well i say that caue im depressed and get panic attacks whenever i think about her and knowing i might not be able to get her back , reason why i wanted to wait for marriage we both neededto situate our lives first especially having a newborn around , why i say she wants her cake and eat it too is because shes younger wanted to still experience going out .she really kept this from me yes we were broken up but ive asked her and she kind of wasnt straight up with me she beat around the bush saying were friends were then were talking im too focused on school leaving me grey areas we wouldnt be intimate but shes asked me to go out to dinner and stuff like that or lunch ...and people tell me its messed up and i shouldnt be going but i dont want to mess up anything my love ones fear that shes just using me if this guy fails....
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134578 tn?1614729226
From what I've seen in your posts, your loved ones don't need to worry.  It's the profile of a nice girl who can see that you're hurt, and doesn't want to twist the knife. She "kept this from you"?  Were you questioning her?  You are broken up.  Her romantic life is none of your business.  Regarding remaining friends,  it is natural that she would try to do that.  You two will need to be in communication with each other for years about the child, there is no point in being unfriendly.  Please come to reality here.  She is moving on with her education and taking seriously her responsibilities to her child by doing so (in order to be financially stable for her child's sake).  When the two of you were together, you say you were not the best boyfriend.  Even if she had not met someone else, (which it is inevitable that a 20-year-old who is getting her act together will do), she doesn't owe you explanations of any part of her life.except issues relating to taking care of your and her child.
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Avatar universal
okay thank you for your time and answers i appreciate it
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Avatar universal
Ditto AB.

......" i feel like she wants her cake and eat it too but im over here every day sulking about it im not myself ..please help "........................She is not having her cake and eating it too...........she is happy and progressing in life.  She has grown up and mature.  You both were only child when you began a relationship together and usually these types of relationship don't last forever.

Let her be happy where she is and don't try to drag her back into your cesspool of misery, depression, anxiety, drama, etc.  

Focus on getting yourself together for YOURSELF and your CHILD and not winning the baby's mother over.
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Avatar universal
child=children
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I must say that I agree with the ladies here.

I do want to mention that you two got together when she was 14 and you 16.  So much  learning goes on in the years after that.  So much growing up and our teen age love doesn't always turn out to be a good adult fit for us.  

I would not talk to her about her love life, getting back together, what went wrong with you two.  It's acceptable to tell her that you love her and if she changes her mind that you would love to try again.  But leave it at that and make all other correspondence about your shared child.  And do seek some help for the mental health issues you describe.  good luck
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Avatar universal
thank you it just ***** cause i know i can be better and im trying to better myself aswell , she was my best friend my only friend when shes gone because i didnt keep trying to win her ,instead i treated her like i already have her and not trying to be mr romantic ,i lover her and i will always have love for her and it just depresses me that i cant be with my family i never wanted to have a broken family that i always told myself id make it work ,i guess if its ment to be i wouldnt be writing this  
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Avatar universal
riggs78 send me a private message. I can help you
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
If anyone receives any spam private messages, please report them.  You go to the upper right corner of the message and hover and REPORT will appear.  You can hit spam and med help moderators will investigate.  thank you.  Spam is not allowed.  good luck
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Avatar universal
wow. I wish this was my ex now.
lol.
we lost our son at 16wk and have been trying since October to have another baby, he proposed in November and started talking to his ex (baby's mother) in December not even 2wks after proposing.
We still continued to try to make a baby (I had no clue what was going on until about Christmas time).
fast forward to jan. 4th and im 4wks along. and 1 wk later he tells me hes leaving me for her. took my ring back. no explanation, nothing.
it's been a week and a half living in the same house of me begging and pleading him to not just give us and our new baby up.
you'll always have feelings for the mother of your child. but if she's in a happy relationship, please let her be. I agree with Specialmom, tell her you love her and that you'll always be there for her.
But don't overstep your boundaries. Or beg, try to see the bright side. I know it's hard, trust me on that one. I'm pregnant on PURPOSE by my ex fiancé and he wants his ex that treated him like sh*t and took him for granted...
some stuff doesn't make sense, just go with the flow.
Helpful - 0
1554665 tn?1294354952
Never stop trying to win her back.

Never stop being a part of her life. Even when she tries to move on.

Never give up on your love, even when love seems to have left you behind.

Unless of course she gets a restraining order, then maybe, its time to give up!

But otherwise, if you are feeling back about letting go of her and having second thoughts - then dont ever let her go. Text her every day. Call her every day. Go see her every day you can. Leave her love notes everywhere for her to find. Make yourself unforgettable. Make her be unable to stop thinking about you, even when she really wants to just get away. Thats how you really make her want you back in her life.

If even after all that, she still is yelling at you to get out of her life or calling the police on you, then its really time to go. My ex boyfriend learned that the hard way. You dont need too.
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