I left my husband for another man... i dont know what to do?

[sadhappyandconfused]

I left my ex-husband,together for 7 years and married for 3 years, for another man. We have 1 child together and we worked at the same place, but in different areas, i fell in love with one of my co-workers and left my ex-husband for him. Me and my ex-husband had alot of problems, he never beat on me or our kid, but never showed any kind of emotion towards me like i needed, only when he wanted something. Sex was only when he felt like it. And never pationate sex, just quicky sex. He had a gambling problem and its only gotten worse. I tried talking to him about how i felt and he never cared. He always brushed me off. He treated me like a child. I guess because i met him when i was 14 and started dating when i was 15. he is 7yrs older and kind of treated me like his daughter sometimes. Dont get me wrong we had fun and life was good for a little while. But i started to hate him, we always faught, i never was right in his eyes, and he always made me feel like dirt. I met someone that had the same dreams i did and was very pationate and all that good stuff... i fell head over hills for him. So i left my ex-husband, and it was a horrbile divorce. He found out about the guy i had been talking to and i know it hurt him. I feal so horrible about how it went down. Just so you know i never touched the guy while i was with my ex-husband. I did have conversations with him that i shouldnt have, but never touched him. The day i left my ex-husband i went straight to the guy im with now. I ended getting pregnate about 5 weeks after leaving my ex-husband by this other man. This other man is now my fiance' and we have one kid together. I love him alot, but i have so much hurt from the divorce and how it all went down, and what i did to my ex, that i feel like screaming sometimes. Im not a person to hurt anyone, and i did. Even though we were falling apart i should have never talked to another man, and never should went to my fiance while i was still married but seperated. I cant talk to anyone about this. What do i do? I am ate up with guilt and some regret and in a relationship now with another child. Do you think my first son will hate me for leaving his dad the way i did? im sure he will find out the story eventually, he is only 4 now. I feel like my fiance and i relationship started off wrong and thats why we have the problems we have. When he got with me his Ex-wife jerked his 8yr old daughter away because she was one of those jealous ex wifes. They had been divorced for 8 years and she still did that. Ever since then him and his daughters relationship has suffered, and its all because i came into his life. I think he blams me, even though he says he dont. He get real depressed over it and i feel horrible cause i cant do anything. My fiance is a very moody person and gives me the cold shoulder alot and gets me real depressed. i guess im writing this whole story for some advice. What do i do? how do i deal with all these emotions i have inside about the past and now. It has been 2 and a half years since i left me ex and i am still ate up over it. he was my best friend and one point, and my life ended up life some dam tv show. How did this happen? im not this kind of person? what will my babies think of me? what does god think of me????????? what do i do?

......i guess what makes things worse is when the day i left him was probably one of our better days. We werent fighting at the time. i just thought about everything that happend all all our fights and decided i was done and wanted to be with the other guy. Like i said when i left i went strait to my fiance and hid it from my ex-husband. I just told him i was done and needed to go. My ex- tried to get me to come back, flowers, cards, etc. But everytime we would talk about our problems and why i was mad, he would basically do the same ****, tell me i was wrong, i was over reacting, yell, scream and call me names. Then 5 minutes later he would say he loved me. I knew he wasnt going to change. About 4 days after i left, i went to go talk to him at our house we had together and things got real heated. He started yelling and screaming, my son was in the front seat playing with the radio, i tried to get into the car to leave and my ex came after me and my son. We fought for a few minutes(no fist just pushing and pulling), then he threw me down, to were i couldnt get back up fast enough to get to my son, he grabbed my son and and ran into the house. He locked himself up in the house and i had to call the police, they couldnt make him give him back to me because their were no papers from court yet. Basically possesion is 9/10ths of the law. Well i cried and begged and he still wouldnt let me get my son, so i left to my moms house. Talked to her and told her i had to go back to him because he was threatning to run away with my son. So i told him i would try to work it out with him, i went back to the house that night. He ended up locking me in our master bedroom, my son was on a pallett on the floor, he pushed the bed against the wall and wouldnt let me have my phone or touch my son or i had to leave. He said if i wanted to be there i had to stay in the room with him and couldnt go anywere. The whole night he tried to get me to have sex with him, he keep touching me and trying to take my clothes off. I was terrified. I was there because i couldnt stand the thought of leaving my son with him. Finally morning came around, he let me out the room, then procceed to try and have sex with me. he keep forcing his self on me. Finally i told him i had to go to the restroom. I got my phone and told my mom please come get me cuz she had my car, i couldnt do it.  I waited outside with my son till she got there, and i left him for good. I couldnt believe he did what he did to me. After him taking my son and touching me like that i knew that was it. He never wanted to help me with our son, never changed diapers, never went to the doctors office but yet thought he deserved him. BULL.  I felt like i was being molested by my own husband that night. I guess i told you all this to explain how much i have going on inside. So much hurt, anger, guilt, it ended up HORRIBLE . I havent even told my fiance the whole story. It kills me inside to think of all this and have no out. No one to talk to. I think about it sometime... Should i have tried harder for my marriage? and the answer is yes. i probably could have done more, i was just so tired of everything. You know my ex- told me i should have threatned him that i was going to leave, he said he would of tried if i did that. WTF? i shouldnt have to threatn you, you should of cared when i tried talking to you? right or wrong?

[DivorcedDad]

If you were in a marriage where you felt worthless as a person, I can understand you jumping at the idea of someone who wanted to listen to you and made you feel wanted. I'm not saying that what you did is the right thing, just that I can understand what made you do it.

Full disclosure: My own marriage broke up because I made friends with a woman and had conversations I shouldn't have, too. So I get how that happened.

I think we both know that the better thing to do would have been to address the marriage rather than to find an outside person to confide in about it, especially someone of the opposite sex who was a potential new partner.

Even if it meant the marriage having to end, at least you (and me) would have been able to do it in a dignified way. And if you found a new person afterwards you could do so without needing to feel guilty about it.

It's no surprise that the new guy is treating you badly. Anyone who actively goes after someone who they know is vulnerable is attracted to something about that. Maybe he saw you as a sick puppy that he could rescue. Now you expect him to come through on every kind word he said to you while you were married. He probably doesn't even remember half of it. He just sees that he's now stuck with that sick puppy and the emotional vet bills are more than he bargained for.

It's a mess, and part of it is down to you, but not all of it by a long way. Feeling guilty is only healthy if you do something about it. There's a lot of unpleasant history between you and your ex and it sounds like it's affecting your child horribly. You need to concentrate on giving that kid a good life and protecting him from the divorce. Never use him as a weapon against your ex. If there's a custody battle to be had, have it without laying it all on those young shoulders.

As for your new relationship; do you think it's a good thing for you and your partner? If so, it needs work from both of you for it to succeed.

Depression is a terrible affliction and if he has it you are going to have to grit your teeth sometimes because he's ill and needs help to get better.

To sum up; work very hard on trying to help all of the people involved in this situation to feel better. It will often be a thankless task, but one day you may wake up and find that life has improved markedly.

Above all, look after all of the children involved. They didn't ask for any of this. Never badmouth anyone to them, never use them, even a little bit, as emotional collateral.

[Butterfly6118]

I am only commenting on one part of this only because I speak from experience. Emotional cheating is cheating . Weather u were physical with the guy or not it's still cheating. You formed a bond with another man that u should only habe  with your husband . And trust me it hurts just as bad. I know because my husband has done this to me 4 times. He finds a Co worker talks to her about his feelings and me and our marriage and then falls for them Everytime.   Then he comes to me says he can't talk to me about anything and leaves. He ends up coming back. Probably because he found out they didn't like him as more than a friend. And trust me it freaking hurts like hell. He wonders all the time why I am always accusing him of cheating when he claims he has never been with someone else. But it's cheating. I know that things in your marriage sucked. But if things were really so terrible you should have talked to your husband and not another man. Gone to counciling or just ended it. There's no excuse for it in my books. It ***** when you are the one being cheated on. I don't mean to be harsh but I hate when ppl think it's not cheating. Trust me if the tables were turned you'd feel different.