mid life crisis for men

[Goldie21]

I would like to find out for those of you men out there if you have gone through this and why?  The reason I am asking is 3 weeks ago my husband came home and told me he didn't love me anymore.  He said I love you as a person, and respect you.  This is after being with him for 31 years and doing everything for him.  Taking care of him while he was sick, when he lost his job, standing by him.  I was also asked to care for his dying father last year he was battling cancer, I agreed, I cared for his dad in our home 24/7 until he passed.

Can someone explain to me how a husband justifies to himself this is right to do to his wife.

[giggles108]

I am going through the same thing as you described here. Has there been any update, change, or hope for yourself? As I am lost, and need to know that it will be okay  ..... one way or the other.

[Fatalist277]

My point was that the clues for a failing  relationship become evident long before the day when a loved one moves out. The clues are there if you listen. In my case, they were embodied in all of the supportive ways that I encouraged personal growth and independence. I received resistance or nothing in return. I wanted a partner and, instead, i have another dependent. My situation is unique, but the failures started many years ago. Children kept us together but, as they mature, the failed relationship between my wife and I has become just all the more apparent. Sad to say that we are no longer each others person. After 22 years, I don't know quite how to end it.

[specialmom]

I think you can speak for yourself but not all.  I think your attitude about marriage says a lot about the type you probably had.  Feeling mooched off of and narcissistic spouse, etc.  I wouldn't generalize your own mistakes and sad life to everyone else.  

good luck to all dealing with difficult crossroads in their lives.

[Fatalist277]

Wow! First, nothing is forever. Second, if you want it to last, then LISTEN to your spouse. All of those comments about "I wish you would ..." and all of those ideas for self improvement and all of those arguments that ended in changed behavior for a week or 2 - they all added up to poison the emotional well. In middle age, we look at those as part of the things gone wrong and jettison the relationship because it's just not something that we want as part of our legacy. And, this all happens years before we cheat, as we waste our precious youth on narcissistic spouses who just cannot figure our what happened as they used us up and mooched off of us for years.

[rthomas02124]

Wow I'm going thru the same thing only I'm a gay male my ex and I were together for 23 yrs raised my now adult son and have a grandson to boot,we have a beautiful home great jobs and wanted for nothing about a year ago I caught him cheating and we both agree we did'nt want that kind of relationship anymore (when we were younger like most gay couples we had an open but not talked about openly relationship) We agree at age 50/52 we needed to focus on each other and work this out ,started to go to the same gym got ourselfs in great shape etc. one month ago I came home early and found him in bed with a very young man,he told me they had just met and he was in love he also said the same old b/s I love you very much care for u deeply but don't love u that way anymore,he moved out w/in an hour just his clothes no pixs/no memontos nothing but the clothes he could put in plastic bags call me an hour later said he was planning this for a while and having me catch him made it easyier what an ******* he also a cop so I've totally have lost all respect for him and his job well its been a month now not one call text nothing how one can just take 23 yrs and throw it away like its nothing has left me heartboken ashamed and feeling very unloved,I was the more fit attractive and younger of the two and I know I will be fine someday,My heart stilll aches but deepdown I know I could never be happy knowing I could never trust him again even as a freind,eveyone says he'll be back begging to be in my live again I pray to god I have the strenght to tell him to get lost!Just wanted to let folks know that wealso go thru the same things in life its not easy but in time I think we'll all be ok thanks for listening Ric

[delbok]

it is very difficult to justify anything that hurts another... I am male.. you;re asking an answer to a question that reflects a kind of love you gave to your partner... so many answer for that... anything from boosting your anger or pity your partner for 31 years... men who hide their cheating acts love his family... but for a man who just got home and tell his wife that the love has gone... he's hiding some pain inside and needs help, and understanding from a person whom he believes to be the first to understand and that is the wife, a faithful wife