177337 tn?1310059899

help with loss of beloved pet

Hello -  I am here to hopefully get some closure to my "overthinking".
I lost my beautiful long haired Dachshund Wave on Tuesday.  She was diagnosed with bladder cancer January of 2018 and was given 4-6 months.  I am very grateful for the 15 months we had.  Only the last few weeks were bad.  The rest of the time being on Peroxicam and oral chemo kept her quality of life good.  Over the last few weeks I was noticing subtle differences.
Picky eating, more accidents that looked painful as she was going etc.  Saturday I took her for xrays because she had started limping and we all thought on top of cancer she was now suffering from a disc problem that is so common to dachshunds.  Sunday I could tell she was not feeling well but was resting comfortably.  But I called the Transition Vet Service out for an assessment.  He told me that if I wasn't ready to say goodbye that he was comfortable with that because she was resting so well.  No labored breathing, panting etc.  Vitals were good.  That night was the first night she was restless.  She acutally laid her head on my leg and when I turned the light on she looked at me like she was trying to tell me it was time. We were so in tune that when I held her and took a deep breath she would take a deep breath.   My gut told me this was probably cancer progression and that was confirmed when my vet called me Tuesday with the radiologists results.  Cancer had spread to her bones.  So painful.  I was shaken up.  However it also confirmed or validated my "back and forth" decision to send her to heaven.  I was not going to let her suffer.  Cancer in the bones is so painful and she had been so stoic in covering up the pain.  So I called Justin back and he came out that night.  Wave was still resting well. I brought her upstairs to bed and my other two dogs surrounded her to say goodbye.  Here is what I wasn't expecting as I have had to do this 4 other times and seriously thought I would never get through it.  
This special service is wonderful.  They give two sedations prior to the last drug.  The first injection was just to relax her.  But it HURT her.  She yelped.  So we tried another location.  Hurt her again.  I can't get that cry out of my head.  Justin told me it doesn't happen often and it was probably due to her muscles spasming from the cancer.  After it was administered she relaxed in my arms and we waited 10 minutes to give the next one.  Then another few minutes for the last one.  She never felt any of the others.  It ended up being quick and peaceful.
But now I can't stop beating myself up over the fact that this dog trusted me with her life.  I rescued her at 5 years old and her happy place was in my arms.  So what do I do?   I take her upstairs to my bed and hold her and allow this painful injection. Her last memory of me. She trusted me.  Do you think that she knows I was holding her and not hurting her?  Or hopefully holding her after the shot while she hopefully was still awake enough to know that it wasn't me that hurt her?   Has anyone experienced this?   My sweet little 9lb Wavey.  I am so sorry.  I didn't know it was going to hurt you.  Please forgive me.
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363281 tn?1643235611
(((((hugs))))))Jodie. I can so relate to your sadness. I, too, had to put my dear, sweet Bella to sleep this past July. The vet didn't give her a sedative, just the main shot, but she injected it slowly, near the end of the shot, my dear Bella moved a little like she was a wee bit scared, the vet said "she is feeling it" then, her sweet head dropped. I was holding her and petting her. It hurts so darn much when we have to do this to our beloved fur-babies. I cry thinking about it even now.

Let me reassure you, your beloved Wavey knew you weren't doing anything to hurt her, she loved you (and still does) her entire life and even when she was taking her last breath on earth to go over the wonderful Rainbow bridge. The bond you too had was so special and I truly don't think that will change even now. Please try not to beat yourself up over this, I know it was devastating to hear her little yelp, but it sure doesn't mean she was upset with you, like the moderator here said, it is an IM injection and they hurt in the best of times, I really don't know why the vets can't do this some other way, such as gas or something.

God bless you my friend.  
Helpful - 0
Susie, I am sorry about the loss of your dear Bella in 2019. I have only just read this. Bless her Soul. xx
Thank you. Bella died July 5 2020. I miss her so much.
Avatar universal
I’m sitting here with tears just pouring. It won’t be long until I have to put mine down due to congestive heart failure. I’m dreading that so much, he will be my third. I feel for you and I don’t have a real answer to your problem or mine. I hope you know, I and lots of other people love you. I know your dog knew you loved with all you have. God bless and soothe you. (And me)
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675347 tn?1365460645
Oh I am so sorry...first for your loss of dear Wave. for the grief you are going through, and for that last few minutes when she was hurt by the injections.

I do know what this particular sorrow is like, as I had a dear little dog, a Jack Russell, who passed in 1999 frm Prostate cancer.
Well, actually he passed from being put to sleep, by the log fire here at home, as I called the vet out so he could pass at home.
But when the vet gave the sedative drug, he yelped most painfully, and was obviously hurt. It was so very upsetting.
He fell asleep a moment later from the sedative so that was the last thing he knew in this world. Me calling out a vet who hurt him when he was already feeling rotten.

The sedative drugs are intra-muscular and that's why they hurt.
No-one warned me about that.

My husband (who also passed 1999) used to have regular intra-muscular injections -strangely for the same thing our dog passed from -Prostate cancer.
He told me those injections were always very painful. But at least he knew why, and was prepared.

I am so displeased that the veterinary profession cannot come up with another, kinder, sedative solution for end-of-life (or indeed -any time.)
Why can't they use a sedative gas that is waved under the dog's nose....or something like that??

I am so very sorry.

But I will share something with you which is very beautiful, spiritual and joyful.
When my last dog passed -my Misty (her pictures are on my profile page) a few weeks after her passing I sensed her very strongly, her love, her character, as if she was right beside me.

She showed me  so much love, a sense of great freedom, a knowledge that she had not forgotten me, and a real joy.
So I know our loved ones are indeed safe. And that their love now is magnified. That they never forget us as we are so dear to them, an dthat all the illness, the troubles, the vet visits etc, are all forgotten quite happily by their Souls.
All that matters to them is that they love us and know we love them.

So please, even in your deep grieving try not to forget that. One painful sting in their body is as nothing once they have passed over into the width and beauty of their loving Souls.

Wave will certainly love you always. Unconditionally.
Do send out your love towards her any time you can. Knowing that we are aware the loving connection never dies, brings them much happiness.
God bless you.
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