I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
It sounds like you are trying to do the best you can.
I hope that you will be able to come up with enough money to help your dog with either medications or euthanasia. Perhaps you have something you could sell, or the vet will take payments. You could also ask your family and friends if they could loan you some money.
In the meantime, you need to try your best to remain calm when you are around her. I know that it will be very difficult for you to do this, but do the best you can. If you are nervous, and anxious, she will be too. Do the best you can to keep her calm and comfortable.
Eating or drinking probably makes her feel nauseated, so If she does not want to eat or drink, do not try to force her to do so, however, be sure to keep some fresh water, and some food close by her, just in case she wants some.
If caught in it's early stages,Chronic Kidney Disease can be slowed down, and symptoms can be controlled, but Chronic Kidney Disease cannot be cured.
Most of the articles that I have read on the internet, say that Kidney Disease is not painful. It has even been called a "Gentle Death." On a personal level, I don't know that I would agree with that.
However, even though it may, or may not be painful, it will make your dog sick. Since the kidneys are not working, toxins and acids will start to build up in your dogs body. These will toxins will make your dog sick, and the acids will cause ulcers in the mouth, stomach, and intestines. There are several inexpensive antacid and ulcer medications that your Vet can prescribe that will make your dog more comfortable, ( if you can get her to eat them, and keep them down.)
Fluid replacement therapy may also help your dog feel better for awhile, however, Fluid replacement therapy can get expensive for large dogs.
Once again, I am so sorry that you and your dog have to go through this.
My heart goes out to you, and both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
She is in the final stages; vet recommended to put her out to sleep. My only choice right now is to get some paycheck loan to cover the procedures, but I am also fighting the idea thus being very selfish; she would not eat or even try water, response has decreased and i am amaze she is still around after not eating for 2 weeks or drinking water, she retches but seldom vomits anymore; she went to the back yard this morning, tumbling from being very week and pee a litle but nothing came out as poop, she colapsed twice there and would stop if i try to help. She is just over 10 now and I regret never had her on insurance or regulars checks with vet; I always boasted that her health was iron; it is difficult for me to let her go knowing this soon is my fault, not hers; she seems to know it but also gives me the forgiveness look, which breaks my heart even more. I want to bath her and see if she would react to the leach to take her outside if her strenght permits; want us to take some pics before that trip to the vet; i will get my check next weekend but the question is if it is fair to let her live like this until then. I think my lesson is learned but i can bear it to be at this cost; if i only knew or realized it would be a little more quality of life that she deserves; instead i have to deal with myself and the guilt is horrible. I have always been like millions more a live by next check kind of person but that does not justify my selfishness towards her all these years and now all the sudden she is going.. I wish not to beat myself over it but true is i am to blame for her illness this early; she should have live a little longer. Even now, I am doing nothing more than complaint, caught up in the realization her life ifs declining fast and the money facts; my wife will borrow from her 401k check will come next week but i am debating if it is even aceptable to let her live all that time knowing how misserable she is; If she colapses into a coma it would afect me even more. Iam very confused and my focus is all over the place;
I dont even want to address the situation and fact that i am not doing enough for her even now. My dog and I we both need help; one is dying for real and i am dying inside with all this guilt eating me up !
..meant leash....cant even coordinate words..one thing I forgot to mention is our schedule during the week Tracy is ALONE in the house while sick to top all. It is afecting me at work thinking if she would colapse and die alone in the house; i dont even know how would i react to that. It could happens any moment since nobody, even the vet can tell me a life expectancy!
What a heartbreaking situation.....I'm so sorry for you & your Tracy.....Please don't beat yourself up...Your doing the best you can...Take comfort in that....It sounds to me that Tracy is hanging on because you are so upset about losing her......That's what she is recognizing by the look on her face you speak about.....
I agree with your Vet...You need to let her go and not let this go on any longer.....Two weeks without food & water is a miserable condition......I understand the money situation, too.....I'm not trying to dismiss that....I personally would not want her in the house alone all week & risk the possibility of her dying alone.....That's just my opinion.....
She has been a faithful and loyal companion for 10 years......That's all we can really ask for.....How blessed you have been & she, to have a good home....
Would it be possible to contact your Vet, explain the situation & ask if you could pay them next week for services this week? Is there anyone that would loan you the money? Do you have anything you could sell or pawn?
In my experience, euthanasia services are not alarmly expensive......Please call your Vet & check with them and see if they can offer you any kind of help......Your Dear friend deserves this final peace in the arms of her loving family.....
I will be praying for you & your family.....I hope time will heal your heart with your decisions.....Good luck & God Bless You.....Karla
thanks Karla and all of you for the support. I just gave her a bath. She seems confortable, set up her bed all clean and that at least I know she have a little more of confort; my wife took some pics in the bathtub; Tracy just sat there but it felt like she enjoyed the bath, probably her last. Shes been really dirty for lying most of the time everywhere plus she have been vomiting on herself sometimes, still does but less frequent, usually on her legs and then she slips on it trying to get out; it is heart wrenching sight, not even gross but just plain sad to see how her body try to eliminate those toxins; i got her by my side on our bedroom which is her usual place even when the smell from her insides is almost unbearable, i can't just leave her outside the room, I rather turn around and cover my nose; i worry about my wife because she is even more sensible to that smell but i asked her to please stand it at least for these days knowing it will be over soon. she have nauseas constantly thus the smell is always there; i read about tums but at this point i am not sure it will work; it is too advance her internal decay. Tomorrow I will get a paycheck loan for $350 which is about the cost for the sleep procedure and cremation with viewing. i will drive her in my truck next week to the cemetery for the cremation, not because i want to save the $20 extra it cost but because it is the least and the last time i will ever drive her, even frozen in a blue bag. I talk to her whenever I can and encourage my kids 5 and 7 to do the same as I think they are too young to watch her go; my wife will probably be at work. All these preps are being written here just in case i decide myself to go forward with what is needed. All is there and the last thing i need i think is courage.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Since Tracy is in her final stages, it is time for you and your family to say good-bye to her. You are doing the right thing.
Do your best to keep her comfortable. She knows how much you all love her.
I am sorry that I do not have time for a longer reply, but I will get back to you later. I just wanted to touch base with you, and let you know that I'm thinking of you.
Thanks Connie; I am making sure she is as confortable as can be under her circunstances; we clean her bed and yesterday i gave her last bath; after she seemed to feel more relaxed but she had couple of vomits episode this morning; we had cover her bed with a baby's wet proof blanket and her last 5 dog training pads around it (her training pads from when she was a puppy that i had saved since)
I feel drained even just got up and it is because i know i have to go out to get that loan and i know what that means.
Today I will try take her outside; there is a park near but i dont think we can make it that far; i want her to have a last mini activity day if her strenghts permits and a family gathering but my wife works until 5 pm so i will probably wait for her; right after that if all goes well with our final reunion with her, I will consider taking her to the vet later on; think they are open until 10 pm. i wish i had a vet coming here and give her something to sleep in her bed and administer the passing iv then; that would be a dream but the only vet in town who does this home calls works until 5 pm so my wife will not be able to attend. as i type this she is asleep and i can help but praying for a naturalsleep passing but it looks i will have to put her through the stress to go to the vet room. i know she knows what is going on. she went to the back yard yesterday by this time but today there is no sign she wants to leave her bed. to try take her outside i always "tease" her with her leash saying "you want to go out?" with exiting tone and she have always responded; getting on her feet fast; will see what happens as we might have to skip the park idea. If I could, i would have taken her to the lake for a last splash there; she used to go crazy with the water; not being able to do all this and my vet visits neglects is what is burden me with guilt. Also thinking that she expended most of her time in this world waiting for us in the house as we always working. I got her (she got me really, since was she who went crazy when she saw me, she made that decision!) after a breakout with my girl back then; since i was so lonely and heartbroken a frien suggested to get a dog to lighten my life; i was really depress and named Tracy, after my experience, in hopes her name reminded me for the longest time how bad my relation was and to not do it again; well, she not only manage to address my personal problems; she exceeded at it; by a year after i got her, i was healed and did not wanted to get into any relationship; concentrated on work, my everyday rutines and my puppy for another year when i met my wife. Tracy was 2 when my wife and i met. my wife is not exeptionally crazy about her because she thinks i love the dog more than her :) even i explain it is a way different kind of love; each have saved me in different ways; one thing is for sure; Tracy love her and shows it with some preferences, like she likes her to open the door for her to go out and over a year ago we had a chihuahua gifted to my girls which was my wife's dog; and Tracy used to follow him on his plays and would let him sleep on top of her; She's been nothing but good and i wish i could be half as good in my life and personal actions and decision as she have been. she is not "just a dog" but a 98 pounds school in 4 legs and death seems to be a very hard punish for all her love and dedication, humanity acts aside. i had always wished and prayed when she was a puppy not to have to go through this very day; i had prayed for the Lord to take me first but the Lord gave me a whole family instead; Tracy was there to receive them all; giving her approval and unconditional love; i wanted her to be in this family the longest possible but i neglected the very things important in life for that to happens; her medical care. My days for the last few days start with me asking her for forgivness for me being so "human" and praying i get the strenght i need to pull through because i got a pack behind still to take care of and do not have the luxury of falling appart.
No wonder why pople oftem say this is one of their most difficult decisions they ever made. It is our very "human" self what fights and gets in the way to let go of those we love the most.
I am still so blind, and for that too i ask forgiveness every day.
Thought about you & Tracy all night..... I'm thinking about you today & hoping that new strength will prevail......Sincerely, Karla
Hi. I have just caught up with your posts ... and I feel so deeply for what you are going through. This situation is exactly the same as my own and what I went through with my own dog last November. Final stage kidney failure is a cruel illness and it must be heart wrenching to watch this happen to your best friend. I know how difficult it is trying to decide whether euthanasia is the right thing, but in your case, it really is the right thing - it is the last truly caring thing you can do for Tracy.
While she may not be in a huge amount of pain (though to be honest, dogs don't always show the pain they may be in, so even this cannot be asumed), she will certainly be feeling weak, exhausted and confused. She will probably know that she is slowly dying - and therefore, sadly, she will be suffering. There is no chance of recovery (kidney disease cannot be cured, though in the early stages, it can be controlled and slowed down), so the longer you leave things the worse she will get. The smell you talk about is probably her breath - and the smell is from the toxins building up inside her body.
I hope you can muster enough strength to take her to the vet, as you have suggested, tomorrow morning. I know how hard that will be, but it really is the kindest thing you can do for her right now.
My heart goes out to you - and to Tracy. Please don't leave this any longer. If Tracy could talk, she would ask you to end her suffering - and she will understand that everything you have done and will do are done out of love, compassion and kindness.
You don't need to ask for forgiveness. There is nothing that needs forgiving. This is just an illness that happens all too often to far too many dogs at the end of their lives - there is nothing that can be done to stop it and there is nothing anyone could have done to prevent it happening. Come back and talk to us here at any time. There is always someone here that understands what you are going through and empathises totally with the doubts and concerns you might have. Best wishes, Tony
Thank you Tony, Karla and all you guys and gals in the posts; I was talking to Tracy just moments ago, she love to hear me baby talking to her; couldnt hack it and walked away crying to the master bath; she managed to raise her head to look at me and was like "whats all the cry for? Are you ok?" it was so funny, so i came back wiping tears and laghling at same time. It is amazing how they still manage to do their magic in the hardest of moments. I agree it have to stop and i will have to find the push or kick in the rear to put it in motion, for her.
On side note my wife chihuahua was lost after comming from a walk in the park because he was out of his leash and just run away; we never found him his name is Sparky; he used to bite tracy's legs and tail and ears all the time playing and even she is an adult dog she used to play along; i got them on video it is hilarious and then he just would jump on her back and used to fall asleep.
i will keep you guys posted on what is going on as time unfolds.
There are many families like yours, hard working, live from pay check to pay check. And their dog has to stay in the house while they are at work. Now, though this is not ideal (Okay -a Heaven for dogs is running chasing rabbits all day....but they can't all do what they want, neither can humans. We can't all live Heaven on Earth, and neither can our dogs) -though it's not ideal, the dog gets used to it. That way of life becomes "Life". Dogs sleep, dream, watch out the window at things that pass by, dream a little more...they go into a whole different time-frame, which most likely feels nothing like the working-day of their human owner.
Then when their owner comes home they are very happy, and run and play, and go outside, and eat dinner. Then they have the evening together.
That becomes the dog's world. And do you think the dog would give that up? No way.
So please don't fret that you had to leave her alone while you had to go out to earn a living. That couldn't be helped at all.
As for right now...is it possible for you to take a few days off work? Some companies allow a certain number of days' holiday per year which can be taken anytime...is that possible? So you can be with Tracy every moment in her last few days.
You know, if it were me, I would say a relative of mine or family member was seriously ill, and you need a few days compassionate leave. (don't know if the place you work will give you that, but they might) That would help take some pressure off so you can focus.
That's not a lie. Tracy is a family member.
That would work if you still got paid for those days of course....
I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
I could take a day or two if needed i think; problem is i work on contract and only reduced 31 hours per week and have a family; can't really afford to take off. My wife is pressuring to get it done today; she have never care for the dog much; i don't blame her, I am the owner not her, however she is the one who paid for the vet visit that resulted in Tracy's diagnostic after almost two weeks fighting with me literally because she wanted me to take her sooner but the money was no there to run all test she needed; finally we took her in and out of a bill that was $900.00 we content with basic blood pannel and some sub-q packs for hydratation. The vet recommended Tracy to saty that night but we could not afford it. Next day when results came in everything turned 360 degrees and the vet was clear that even if i had brought her in when she started not eating or drinking, by that time it was already too late anyways to extend her quality of live, thus recommended to put her to sleep since from there it is all downhill for her.
Now I wanted for us to have a final day in the park or outside with Tracy so we can take pics and say goodbyes in a normal as possible way and take her to an emergency clinic open 24 hour later on and do the procedure but my wife is more concern she have to go to church for her two hour every saturday studies; this is more important than the dog and she revs at me for not doing it just now, citing the dog is suffering and monday becomes work and how horrible I am for just waiting it so long and all that jazz which some of it i deserve anyways; point is she refuses to cooperate even when she is the one paying for whats going on. We both got sick parents in outr family; her mom just got diagnosed with pevis cancer and my dad have been diagnosed prostetic and godbladder cancer; all this happenning before Tracy was noticeable sick. People are who they are. i am trying not to judge her, nor can I feel at ease with her preasures; initially i was hoping she will go with me to the clinic but it is obvious she does not have that in plans for i will go with my dog and be there for her which is what matters; after all, my wife and the rest of the family came after me and Tracy already had a bond founded. My two little girls are too young to go to this kind of ordeal; they may be present on the cremation viewing but not when the dog passes. What bothers me is Tracy love my wife in a very special way; the dog would always cherish her comming from work and beg for her to open the patio door to go out; that was her thing; my wife always asked me if i already let her out but even if Tracy went outside before she came, this was a routine for the dog that my wife never understood or appreciated, i dare to say. It is difficult to see in peoples heart but we know who is who on our most difficult mpoments by their actions signature; that never fails.
I could let Tracy convalescent in the house until the Lord decides the exact time, but it is no fair to Tracy. She has giving me more than what i deserve; so has my wife dont get me wrong but for my wife to prefer to attend to church and throw a trantun to control over this fact it just makes my stomach turns worst than when i am next to Tracy and she gets her nauseas and her vomits episodes. I am not saying she does not love tracy but if she does, she's got a certainly extrange way to show it. I can't say much about others since i myself was not the best owner Tracy could have hope for, but she did not care and loved me any ways; I think the least i could do for her is be there until the end no matter what and without a rush to end her life and expected my wife to feel the same.
I am sad and glad at the same time to find out how wrong i am.