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Anorexia help/advice please?

I developed bulimia over 2 years ago and a year ago I got referred to an eating disorders clinic.
The thing is, I hated it - and not just because they were challenging my eating disorder. I began to "recover" and by this I mean, I just wasn't b/p'ing anymore and it's horrible to admit, but I, or rather, "the eating disorder" part of me was happy. I felt like I was finally able to lose weight and at ease, without throwing up or having hide bunches and bunches of wrappers.
Obviously, it was not a good thing. But I just got worse, I hated the therapist I saw, I would distort my weight - basically anything to get out of it. My mother, who had to drive me there and back once a week, also hated it. We would often argue about it, "I'm wasting 2 hours of my day and you're not making any effort at all!!". I love my mother, and she helped me a lot, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat. Until about late August (2014) and I was threatened with having to take a year out and start college a year after all my friends.
Long story short, I began eating, I was motivated (most of the time) and started college, it was going really well. In about November, I was "weight restored" - refused CBT as I couldn't stand my therapist, and was discharged. I just wanted to get away and close that chapter of my life. So I did.
But since Christmas, things have not gone well and I am starting to feel as if I am relapsing. I've lost weight - but this is also partly due to my anxiety.
Anyway, the bottom line is that I need help, but going back to that clinic is just not an option for me - I wouldn't be able to get there and back, my exams are coming up etc. and so....what do I do?:(
1 Responses
Avatar universal
What about the clinic don't you like? Maybe it's that certain clinic with that therapist. I have recovered from bulimia, and I understand how hard it is to see a therapist you aren't comfortable with. Stress caused my bulimia, and once I relieved the area of stress (dealing with a break up, trying to fit in at college, thinking skinny would make me happy) I was able to really recover from the disorder. Maybe really think about what is causing the disorder for you and try to do something different.
I know it's not easy, and there are some days where all I feel like doing is purging because I'm so mad at what I just ate. It's a huge recover process, but you have to believe that you can do it... and actually WANT to recover from it and be healthy again.

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