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691024 tn?1233619743

As the battle rages on, I need some advice

I am trying very unsuccesfully to overcome bulimia.  I start out my day eating good and healthy but i cant get over the nagging mindst that every carb and calore n matter what it comes from is going to turn me into a fata**  Ive gained about % pounds so far and I cant stop staring and noticing my belly.  To me it looks like thats where allthe weight wenr.  Im so sick of purging, I dont do it after every meal anymore but lately Ive been doing it a lot at night and Ive even had a few binge then purge epsodes.  Last night I ate a whole box of fiberone poptarts and a gallon of icecream just so I could throw it up.  Icecrea my big binge food..Anyway, I wanted some advice on how to get over that mindset that I look fat.   I could get my lazy self bac to working out and Im sure it wuld take away my bulging belly but, I cant keep living like this with this kind of relationship with food.  Oatmeal and salads making me fat??  Serously I cant believe I feel that way.
11 Responses
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712314 tn?1303098090
Your not the only one to get barf all over you. I know what you mean though.  It's good to hear your hairs not falling out anymore, Keep it up.
Helpful - 0
691024 tn?1233619743
Only when I have open sores they hurt.  Right now I have semi-hard scar tissue.  Ive also been able to use my stomach muscles to push stuff up and out so I dont need to enfore my hand as much.  I remember when I first got the sores I kept tring to put tape on them so my teeth wouldnt go directly in them, but it would always fall off and I was in a lot of pain.  Ive even used wires and chordsa folded in half whne my hand were too sore.  I always thought i was a little nuts for doing it, everytime im seen or heard of another bulimic like on tv somehow they used toothbrushes and they didnt hav to hover over stuff they could do it sitting down and it didnt look like they ever got barf in there hair and all over their faces like i do.  My hair was falling out too but ive been able to increaswe my protein and eat more...i still have the night binges and purges though
Helpful - 0
712314 tn?1303098090
I always thought i was the only one who used 3 fingers, cause i think most bulimics only use 2. I binge and purge on healthy too. Here i am thinking i'm only who does this crazy stuff. like you i also purge until the point that i'm so dizzy i can't do it anymore.  I too, am not glad here your stuggle, but it makes feel less alone. Question: Do your knuckles really hurt when you bend them?
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691024 tn?1233619743
Not that it's mice to hear you all do it to, but its nice to know you understand what i do and go through.  I have cuts on my knuckles from sticking in my middle 3 fingers my teeth dig into them and i have these 2 big circles loks like i ounched a wall.  I even binge on healthy food and purge it.  Sometimes i get so scared that i didnt get up all the food that i keep goinmg and going till im about to pass out and i cant suck down anymor water and purge it up.  I keep getting better than getting bad again.
Helpful - 0
712314 tn?1303098090
your comment makes me cry, because i feel the same way. It was always something i felt could about because i was calling the shots, but know i can't control myself. I'm ok during the day, i can not eat, or eat celery, then at night and on weekends i fall apart. It's like one huge binge purge episode and i hate it. My throat hurts, i have cuts on my hands, and dark circles under my eyes. I know your scared, because i'm scared too. But at least we dont' have to be scared alone.
Helpful - 0
667152 tn?1225383790
i am so glad i just read this i thought i was weird i do exactly the same i watch wat i eat all through the day but as soon as night time comes i cant control myself. i used to be eable to contol what i ate and was anorexic now i just eat and never know when to stop then throw up. i cant control it anymore. my throat hurts my hair is also beginning to fall out. my body never knows what it wants and i despise myself for getting myself in this position it is now controlling me not the other way round and i am really starting to get scared.
Helpful - 0
712314 tn?1303098090
Well good for you to stay away from your boyfriends food, and asking your mom to keep out the binging foods. I still havent' been able to do that with my mom. It's good that your boyfriend is so supportive.  Planning out your food is a good idea. I found that it has helped me in the past. Like i'm still in high school, so on Sun night, i'll make all my lunches for school, so that there already there everyday and i don't have to think about what to bring every morning.
You could also try eating 6 x a day. Breakfast, sm. snack, lunch, sm. snack, dinner, sm. snack.
Helpful - 0
691024 tn?1233619743
I didn't even think of bone loss, calcium citrate< will do.

It keeps getting worse, I try to eat somehting before i go to bed and fight with myself not to throw it up because it's just fruit(or sometimes I have protein)...but other nights I have a peice of fruit, I'll sit there for a little bit and then say...**** it and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, have cereal, eat a doughnut or a poptart if its there, whatever i can get my hands on.  Ive been having my mom keep the binging foods out of the house but then i just find something else that I crave but won't eat because I deem it as unhealthy.  See my boyfriend lives with me and I'm not going to not let him have his foods, it would just be unfare.  I'm trying to tell myself that it would be unfare for me to eat all his stuff..poor baby I finished his gallon of icecream in 2 nights he only had one bowl.  Honestly that night helped me a little because Ive been backing off his food.  But now Ive been binging on fruit and peanut butter on bread.  Ugh!

I havent planned out my food in a while...Im getting really sick of having my stomach poof out after filling it to its limit and feeling like **** about food...I think I will try that.  I'll write out what i will eat and what times.  I wont have to thik about it so much if I know what im eating already.  very good ideas thank you all.  

I would also like to say that I have an amazing and incredibly supportive and loving boyfriend, Eric, who without I wouldnt be able to fight this.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The other Ladies have made good points. See your family doctor first, that way they can do a check up and make sure the damage to your stomach and throat are minimal. I wrecked my body - I was bulemic from about the age of 12 until about 20. I can cause reflux disease(severe heart burn), tooth decay, bone loss, as well you could rupture blood vessl which can be lethal. Some meds help for OCD's which is what ED's are, obessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. I stil binge a times, I broke down and ate 6 of those Special K bars, didn't get sick but went to bed, woke up choking on acid and had an asthma attack and getting sick to my stomach. (the reason I am up this late). This is an evil dis-ease in all respects. Make sure you take a multi vitamin AND a calcium citrate tablet each day to protect against bone loss. Get a routine going, plan what you are going to eat for the whole day, it will make it better for the binges. Keep your normal bingeing foods out of the house. ED specialist are hard to come by, but if you can at least get hooked up with a shrink, you'll be on track :)
Helpful - 0
712314 tn?1303098090
I too struggle with an eating disorder. I have bulmerexia. I am trying to recover also. I used to have huge binges/purges at night. Then i decided that i wasn't going to do that anymore, so before bed i would have a piece of fruit, and decided that no matter how much i wanted to binge i wouldn't because i just had fruit. I always maintained my weight with the bulimia. Then it turned into bulimerexia, and know i'm slowly loosing weight, but my mom notices, and even though she knows i have an ed, she asks me constantly how i'm loosing weight. As far as trying to recover, see if you can get a shrink who specializes in ED, or you could alway try a treament center, for during the day. Like from 9-3. I did that over this past summer and it really helped until the holidays and then i totally forgot, but i didn't get to stay as long as i needed, but i do feel it might be able ot really help you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
for me, binging and purging makes me gain weight not loose it
when i did get honest with my doctor, he was shocked because i am over weight
then
he actually looked at my stomach and was shocked that my belly was so distended, i had all these test started taking stomach meds
and started working the steps in oea
it was working, then i went home for thanksgiving , and baam,
all over again
i plan on getting back to the oea program and taking the stomach pills
if you do not have insurance, maybe you can ask your family for the money to goto a GI doctor
i do see a shrink, but they are all about anti-depressants, to treat eating disorder and those do not help me
but they may help you
so you can try
oea (free)
mental health (sliding scale)
gi ($300)
maybe even try a doctors care ($130) ask them for meds that can help with naseau and gerd
you are worth every bit of time, money and energy it takes to get better
stay on, you can help me too
xo
Helpful - 0
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