Bulimia and Anorexia

[cuite4255]

Okay I have been Bulimia for over 8years now right after my first baby..  I stopped when I got pregt. with second son and I started when he was 2 ,  I told myself its only for a little while and not that much lie before but then I got to doing alot again cause I liked the skinny results.  I would eat a little salad even and purge..  I only at once a day too..  I stoed in Nov 2009 and have went from 113 too 134 I feel huge I cry I made myself urge the other day my weight is so messed u from my eating disoreder I am afraid its coming back again I dont know what to do I dont want to die..  I have really bad anxiety too, and I think I have weekend my immune system because I am trying to lose the extra weight I gained but its normal to be this size.  Does anyone else feel like this I dont know what to do I just want to be healthy and lose all the belly fat but instead I always result to wanting to be like a stick again..  How do I stop, I thought I was done with this I really did but now that I have gained pounds I feel my self wanting to starve or purge what I eat..  I am both anorexic and Bulemic and its sneaking back u on me AGAIN.. Who elese is in my situation..  I am 31 yrs old too.  

[beachbunn1986]

i know exactly how you feel i was anerexic from 11 to 17 then bulimic from 17-19  then anerexic agian   i got better  and got pregnant but since having my son i have struggled with ed  my hubby and i have been trying to get pregnant with our secnd child but theyv all ended in maiscarraige so with all the stress and truama  i find tht ed is back and in full control i weighed 133 at the end of july i went to the doc in sept and weighed 123 as of today i weigh 115 and even though i wear a size 5 in juniors clothes i want to be smaller it never goes away alot of me wants help but then ed is saying you got this your fine and in control  i feel like im crazy sometimes his voice is so loud

[Zoelula]

It's very hard. I didn't start getting recovery until I was able to let go obsessing on the weight. It's hard to do without help. Good for you on seeking help, and let us know how it goes.
Zoe

[cuite4255]

Thank you so much for the response I am going to seek help..  This is so hrad not to focus on my weight..

[Zoelula]

Many many people are in your situation, unfortunately. I suffered from an eating disorder all my life before I got in recovery, and I have been in recovery now for 16 years, so it is possible! But what you need to focus on is not your weight, but your eating disorder. If you try to lose weight you will start the illness all over again and it will get worse the longer you have it. Ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist who works with eating disorders and start working on your issues. Since you suffer anxiety as well, the therapist may recommend some medication. You might also try going to meetings of OA, look in the phonebook under Overeater's Anonymous; it is for all kinds of eating disorders and there are meetings in all large towns. Best of luck to you, and good for you for recognizing you need help!