Well lets try this agian. I already posted to you once but some how it did not make it on...
Are you seeing someone now.Are you throwing up now? I had/have anorexia sence my 20s by 28 I hit my rock bottom being not much more then 80 pds on a 5 '7 frame .I really was afriad I might die.I worked for two years to get better by 30 I had my weight up to a nice healthy 130. I still have an on going love hate realtionship with food...I now have 6 years in recovery.I sent you a friend invite feel free to e mail me ..
Watch "Intervention" on E! on eating disorders and see if thats what you want to do. Seriously.
I can speak from experiance on Bulimia....First you have to WANT to stop, its the same as smoking, Alcoholism, Obeisty etc... No one will be able to help you unless you WANT to help yourself...Im not saying that you dont and i hope you really do!
You dont need a suport network of people who have eating disorders or the similar habits as you. You need a network or a friend who is not experiancing the same as you, who has an understanding or who has come through a previous similar experiance.
Feeding yourself with people who are trying to help themselfs as well as you cant do both well....
Its like being a smoker, a very addictive habit which helps you feel better and calms your nerves. I cant quit smoking or try to and then still stand with those people at work and talk to them about smoking or how they now are more relaxed, because its still feeding my habit and not strenthing me but weakening my ablitly to be strong. As aposed to staying in on the 10 min break and catching up on emails. or listening to music. etc
I am a very determined person and i wanted to stop being bulimic so at first least once a day i would make sure i did not throw up id change my clothes so i have a fresh top on or watch the tv, or play a song. I felt so much better like i did something good! or ive achieved something...
This will build your confidance and adventually not rush increase doing theses things to two times a day, threes times etc and you'll soon notice You've got more regard for yourself and you'll be proud of what you've done! realsing 'happy hormones' into you and soon youll feel better about yourself and happy with yourself.....But dont worry if i takes a while. Or if oneday doesnt go to plan as you expected there is always the next meal or the next day each day keeps on coming with more chances and opportunitys!
Have a friend who wont feed into you asking ' how are you doing today' or always checking up on you etc have someone who'll be positive, who wont react if maybe one day if it doesnt work, but instead will just tell you what a good job your doing!
Dont give in!
I would recommend a treatment center (but if you have no insurance that would be a problem). Here is another suggestion. Find a very supportive family member/parent or even a school teacher to explain what is happening to you. This is VERY serious and you need to make a decision to ight these ED thoughts and behaviors. Then allow someone you trust (hopefully a parent) to monitor you after meals for up to 2 hours while using the bathroom. I know that this may seem like an invasion of your privacy but it is exactly what is done in $200.00 per day treatment centers to save you life! Also .....remain on "community space" the same amount of time after all meals...around family/friends and keep your mind focused on other things or journal about this experience and triggers. Your doctor may be able to help with medications to calm these triggers but you are ultimately the only one that can fight ED. Tums and gas- X may help after meals with the feeling of fullness but you must 'fight the urges' to purge. They do subside with time. Please be honest with others and get a plan in place daily to help you fight this fight. It may save your life!!!!
I know....I work in an acute treatment faculity and it is not easy to get through, but I've seen miracles...I pray you become one of the miracles.....BELIEVE!...you ARE worth it!
I've been bulimic since I was 12 years old and I'm 18 now. It's gotten so bad that I can no longer keep food down, instead of making myself throw up the food I eat comes out on its own. Recovering from an eating disorder is the hardest thing in the world and I would know because I overcame multiple drug addictions. It's not enough to want it because no matter how much you want it, your body wants something different. Your mind wants to eat that food sitting in front of you and your body doesn't want to keep it down. It's hard because not only are you fighting the disease you're fighting yourself. Outpatient programs dont work for long because you go talk about your feelings and discuss with other people how this disease is taking over your life and physically, emotionally, and mentally destroying you as a person and when you come home there's no one to control your body's actions, there's no one to psychically keep you from throwing up so you do. Inpatient programs work as long as you're in the program. You have people watching your every move 24/7 and okay you don't throw up, you think you're better but as soon as you return home you also return to your old ways. I dont know how to cure an eating disorder but I've been trying for several years now and failing is the most painful part of all. No matter how hard I try I always end up failing. I dont know if I'll ever recover but there has to be a way. I used to take this one medication for my depression that kept me from throwing up for a while because it suppressed my appetite and made me not want to eat everything in sight but plot twist that medication is NOT for bulimics cause you can die from taking it if you're bulimic. It ***** so much because life is too short to be hurting this much and to be stuck facing such a terrible problem with not many successful options for recovery. I guess maybe its all about self control and learning to restrain yourself from eating to the point where you feel like you have to make yourself throw up but then again everything is easier said than done. I wish you the best of luck with everything but most of all your recovery and I truly with all my heart hope you do recover and fast because I wouldn't wish something like this on anyone. People think bulimia is just an easy way to loose weight and that you can quit any time, those were my thoughts exactly going into this. But nobody tells you how much it messes you up mentally and how it damages you as a person, if only you knew then what you know now... anyways best of luck with everything. Inbox me if you ever feel like talking more about it.