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Food isn't bad, right?

Hello I'm 30 and I know I am overweight and I want to lose weight. The problem is that I have battling eating disorders on and off for the past 19 years. I was last diagnosed as EDNOS about 7 years ago, I quit counsiling and managed to silence the eating disorder durring my pregnancy, for the first time in my life it actually felt good to eat and I enjoyed it. However when I go on diets or attempt to make lifestyle changes it always seems to start off the same way. I lose weight, just a few pounds and I feel great but soon after I find myself obsessing over calories, fat carbs (and I go from 1200 to 1500 calories a day to 500 or less). It always manages to spiral out of control and I find myself drowning in another eating disorder. I don't want to be sick and I don't want to die, mostly I just want to be healthy and comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to look at food as a source of nurishment not a source of evil.
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